Should You Make Your Child Talk About Their School Day?

When the After-School Silence Feels Heavy

You pick your child up, ask with a hopeful smile, “So, how was school today?” and you’re met with a shrug, a mumble, or the classic “fine.” Sound familiar?

As a parent, especially one already juggling a full day’s work, dinner prep, and forgotten homework assignments, this wall of silence can feel defeating. You want to connect, to understand, to help—especially if your child seems to be struggling at school. But every “fine” can feel like a missed opportunity to peek behind the classroom door.

The Pressure to Talk Can Backfire

It may seem counterintuitive, but forcing a child to talk about their day can actually make them share less. Children, like adults, need emotional safety to open up. When questions feel like interrogations or when conversations are timed inconveniently—right after a tiring school day, for example—they may simply shut down.

Dr. Alice Honne, a child psychologist, often reminds parents: “What feels like resistance might actually be a need for control, or space, or even recovery.” Kids experience long days full of transitions, expectations, and sensory input. Sometimes they just need decompressing time, and silence is their way of doing that.

Rather than pushing for answers, it’s often more effective to understand why your child may not want to talk.

Understanding Their Hidden Language

Children often don’t talk in the straightforward way adults do. They might communicate how school went while playing with Legos, asking for help on homework, or reenacting a scene with stuffed animals at bedtime. Their “talk” comes in many forms, and recognizing these signs helps us connect on their level.

One parent recently shared how her son would describe epic dinosaur battles right after school. Hidden in the stomps and roars were signs of frustration, feeling powerless, or joy depending on the “winning” dino. It wasn’t about dinosaurs—it was about him.

To decode this type of communication, it helps to understand the subtle ways children express their school experiences.

Create an Environment That Invites Openness

As parents, we sometimes imagine that the magic moment to talk about school happens in the car or around the dinner table. But kids don’t always follow that script. They open up when they feel safe, unhurried, and unjudged.

Here are a few ways to help build that kind of space:

• Routine moments of connection — Not necessarily conversation starters, but moments where you're emotionally available. Like sitting beside them as they do homework or bringing them a snack after school without a question attached.
• Less direct questions — Instead of “What did you learn today?” try “What was something funny that happened?” or “If today were a color, what color would it be?”
• Respect their silence — Trust that not every quiet moment is bad. Opening space without pressure is often the best invitation.

For more ideas on making your home a safe space for expression, check out this guide on creating a home environment that encourages honest conversations.

Learning Can Be a Window to Sharing

Sometimes children don’t want to “talk” about school because they don’t know how to explain what happened or how they felt. If school has been rough—maybe they misunderstood a lesson, got laughed at during recess, or felt left out—those stories are heavy. But starting with something lighter can open doors.

Try sharing something about your own day, or zoom in on something small: “Show me something you wrote” can feel less exhausting than “How was your entire day?” Turning learning into a shared curiosity (rather than a performance report) can help kids engage. For example, when reviewing a tricky lesson at home, consider turning it into an auditory story where your child is the hero solving a riddle or rescuing a spaceship, with their name woven into the adventure. Tools like the Skuli app make this kind of transformation possible—taking a dry school day and giving your child a voice and agency in retelling it.

Why Emotions Matter More Than Details

Even if your child doesn’t give you a play-by-play of their math test or science lab, listen carefully to tone, pacing, and eye contact. These reveal more than rehearsed answers. Addressing emotions is often more impactful than focusing solely on behavior or performance.

Sitting beside your child during a “bad day” can be more powerful than getting them to describe it in detail. As one parent recalled after her daughter came home quiet and irritated, she didn’t push questions—just made hot chocolate, and they did a puzzle together. Twenty minutes in, her daughter quietly said, “I got left out at lunch again.” That’s the moment we live for—not because we pushed, but because we waited.

If you're wondering how those feelings tie into long-term development, you might find insight in this article on the importance of listening to emotions.

Let’s Redefine Success in Conversations

Not every day ends with a heart-to-heart, and that’s okay. Saying “I’m here when you’re ready” is often more effective than constant questioning. Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do as parents is pause our own need for answers and lean into quiet presence instead.

And remember, your child’s relationship to school isn’t just academic—it’s deeply emotional. If you're questioning how much your child’s thoughts and opinions about school truly shape their success, you might connect with this reflection on validating children’s school experiences.

So, should you force your child to talk about their day? In most cases, the answer is no. But should you show up, tune in, and create micro-moments where connection can grow? Absolutely. And that, day by day, opens more lasting conversations than questions ever could.