What Words Do Children Use to Talk About School? Understanding Their Hidden Language

When Words Say More Than We Think

“School is boring.” “I don’t get it.” “The teacher hates me.” These statements might sound like simple complaints, but for a parent tuned in to their child’s emotional world, they can be loaded with meaning. When your child opens up about school, even in vague or negative terms, they are offering you a glimpse into how they feel, what they fear, and what they need. The challenge is knowing how to listen between the lines.

For parents of children aged 6 to 12, especially those who struggle with learning or come home stressed and drained, it’s not always easy to decode their language. Their vocabulary might be limited, but their emotions run deep. So how do you understand what’s really going on in their minds, and how can you respond in a way that supports—not pressures—them?

The Emotional Vocabulary of Children

At this age, children are still learning how to express emotions effectively. Instead of saying, “I feel anxious about not understanding math,” they might simply say, “Math is stupid.” Instead of admitting they feel left out, they might say, “Nobody likes me.” These are not throwaway phrases. They’re distress signals in disguise.

Take Max, a curious 9-year-old who used to love school. One September evening, he came home and muttered, “School's dumb.” His mom, tired from work, almost brushed it off. But something in the way he said it bothered her. Rather than correcting or minimizing, she sat beside him and asked, “What made today feel dumb?”

What followed was a slow unraveling. Max had received a poor grade on a history quiz he didn’t understand. He was confused by the lesson but didn’t want to raise his hand in class. “Everyone else gets it,” he had said with embarrassed eyes. Behind that little phrase was a big, looming fear: being the only one left behind.

Learning to recognize these coded expressions as emotional cues is the first step in helping kids navigate their school experiences. For more guidance, our article on building an environment where your child feels free to talk offers strategies to help them open up naturally.

Helpful Responses: Reflect, Don’t React

When your child says something hard or negative about school, the instinct might be to fix the problem or reassure them quickly. But sometimes what they need is for you to stay in the discomfort with them, even briefly.

Try reflecting what you hear, not correcting it. If your daughter says, “The teacher doesn’t like me,” resist the “Oh honey, that’s not true” reflex. Instead, you might say, “It sounds like you feel like your teacher is upset with you. Tell me what happened.”

This keeps the conversation open and helps your child feel heard, not dismissed. Research shows that listening to a child’s feelings about school is more critical to their future success than we often realize.

Common Phrases and What They Might Mean

• “I hate school.” — Often masking anxiety, academic frustration, or social dynamics they can’t control.
• “It’s too hard.” — This could mean a learning difficulty, fear of failure, or a mismatch with their learning style.
• “It’s boring.” — Possibly a sign of disengagement, unaddressed frustration, or even under-challenged potential.
• “Everyone is better than me.” — A cue to explore comparison, confidence, and possibly the need for clearer feedback or support.

Understanding these patterns can help you respond without judgment, and more importantly, without panic. The goal isn’t to solve everything overnight—but to become a parent your child trusts enough to reveal their deeper truths to.

From Complaints to Possibilities

Once your child feels safe expressing how they feel, you can start exploring ways to reengage them. Some parents have found that reframing schoolwork into more playful or interactive formats helps reduce the pressure and resistance.

For auditory learners or children who feel overwhelmed by long blocks of text, turning school lessons into fun narratives—especially ones where they become the hero—can reignite a sense of purpose. Several families I’ve worked with reported that long car rides turned into engaging review time once their child’s lesson was transformed into personalized audio stories. One family even used an app like Skuli to create these stories from class notes, and their son, Leo, who used to dread geography, couldn’t wait to find out if he’d “survive the volcano field trip” in his next adventure.

These approaches don’t just improve comprehension; they reconnect children to learning on an emotional level. If your child tends to struggle with attention or motivation, this kind of imaginative stimulus can be a breakthrough.

Staying Curious About Their Inner World

The easiest trap to fall into as a parent is assuming we know what’s behind our children’s words. A shrug, a frown, or a dramatic sigh might not seem like much—but to your child, they are genuine expressions of a world they’re still learning to navigate.

Keep asking questions that invite storytelling, not one-word answers. Instead of asking, “How was school?” try, “What was something that made you laugh today?” or “Was there a part that felt confusing?”

And if your child clams up or avoids the topic, don’t panic. It doesn’t mean they’re shutting you out—but perhaps the timing or setting isn’t right. For tips on how to gently encourage more openness, you might find this article on supporting disclosure especially helpful.

Above all, remember: the way your child talks about school reflects how safe, seen, and supported they feel. When you learn to hear not just their words but their needs behind them, you are giving them more than academic support—you’re giving them resilience.

What If They Stop Talking Altogether?

Some children don’t verbalize their struggles, and others may even develop fear or somatic symptoms (like stomachaches) that signal deeper causes. Avoidance of school, emotional outbursts before class, or changes in sleep or eating habits are not just behavioral issues—they often speak to emotional distress.

If you suspect something deeper, start with empathy, not discipline. Our piece on how to support a child afraid to go to school could provide compassionate, first-step guidance.

Your child may not say exactly what they feel—but they are always communicating. The real work is learning how to listen with patience, interpretation, and above all, love.