How to Create a Home Environment Where Your Child Feels Free to Talk About School

When "How Was School?" Isn't Working Anymore

It's the end of a long day, and like every other parent, you ask your child, "How was school?" And just like yesterday, you get: "Fine." Maybe a shrug. Or worse, complete silence. You know something’s going on, but the door to their world stays shut, and you’re left wondering—how can I make it easier for my child to talk about school?

If this sounds familiar, you're not alone. Many parents of children aged 6 to 12 face the same quiet resistance. Sometimes it’s about schoolwork or friendships; other times it’s stress, fear, or simply feeling overwhelmed. Your child may not have the words—or the emotional safety—to share what’s really happening. Creating a space where your child feels comfortable opening up isn’t about asking the right question. It’s about building the kind of relationship, energy, and environment that whispers, "You’re safe here. You’re heard."

Your Child Is Talking—Just Not Always With Words

Children don’t always express themselves directly. Anxiety may show up as tummy aches. Struggles in school might come out as tears during homework. Frustration could take the form of door slams or refusal to get ready in the morning. But these are all forms of communication.

So before we talk about how to get them to talk, ask yourself: how do I respond when my child expresses difficult emotions or behaviors? Do I move in with questions? Jump to solving the issue? Try to cheer them up quickly?

One mother I worked with told me, “Whenever he says he hates school, I immediately try to defend it—‘But your teacher is so nice!’—and I think that makes him shut down.” For many kids, what they need first is acknowledgment, not solutions. Sometimes, just saying, “That sounds really hard. Want to tell me more?” can be enough to open the flow.

Trust Starts Before the Talk

Think of emotional openness like a bank account. Every time you really listen, validate your child’s emotions, or follow through on a promise, you make a deposit. Yelling in frustration, dismissing concerns, or minimizing feelings? Those are withdrawals. Creating an emotionally safe home doesn’t mean you have to be perfect. But it does mean being consistent, curious, and open—even when it’s hard.

Some subtle ways to build trust before the big conversations include:

• Reserving 10–15 minutes a day for one-on-one time without screens, distractions, or tasks.
• Letting your child lead the activity—drawing, bike rides, LEGOs, digging in the backyard—without needing to guide or correct.
• Being honest about your own feelings, in age-appropriate ways. “I was nervous about that meeting today too.”

The more your child experiences you as someone who listens, without always trying to fix, the more likely they are to talk when it counts.

Creating Moments for Natural Connection

Have you ever noticed how your child opens up more when you're driving somewhere or going for a walk? These "shoulder-to-shoulder" moments feel less confrontational to them than direct eye contact and serious talks. Incorporating these into your daily life can create gentle openings for deeper conversations.

In fact, a dad recently shared with me how his 9-year-old started talking more during car rides. “We stopped making the car a time for rules and reminders, and started listening to audiobooks together. Then, on his own, he began asking questions about the characters that reflected his school struggles.” If your child loves stories, consider transforming their school lessons into audio adventures where they're the hero—especially helpful for kids who express themselves best through imagination. A tool like the Skuli App makes that possible, by inserting your child’s name in narrative-style lessons they can listen to on the way to school or the grocery store.

Let Their World Matter in All Its Forms

For a child to feel free to talk about school, school has to matter to you—not just in terms of grades or homework, but as part of their world. That means showing interest in their art project as much as their math score. It also means modeling curiosity: "What was the weirdest thing that happened today?" or "If your school day was a weather report, what would it be?"

Also, listen to what they don’t like without trying to talk them out of it. If your child says, “Everyone at recess is mean,” avoid saying, “Oh, they didn’t mean it.” Instead, go with, “That sounds really lonely. Do you want to talk more about what happened?” Creating emotional room for their experience makes it safe to keep coming back to you—even when things are hard.

When the Door Stays Closed

Some children need more time. Particularly if your child is neurodivergent, highly sensitive, or processing difficult school transitions, they may be dealing with fears that go beyond words.

In these cases, don’t force the talk. Instead, enlist support systems: a journal where they can draw or write their feelings, storytelling games where you create a school-like fantasy world together, or even letting them make quizzes for you about what they’re learning. (They sometimes reveal more through teaching you than by talking about themselves.)

And make space for conversations to begin on their terms. Some kids need to vent before they’re ready to be helped. Others need daily invitations before they fully step in. Remember: silence doesn’t always mean unwillingness. Sometimes it just means the environment isn’t quite ready yet.

Let Talking Become Part of the Culture

Creating a space where your child feels safe to talk about school isn’t a one-time achievement. It’s a culture—the kind your family builds over time. Try to practice being emotionally available every day, especially during the mundane moments: the walk to the car, the breakfast table, the bedtime wind down. Make talking not the exception, but the norm.

If you’re looking for ways to keep these conversations gentle, this guide on encouraging open dialogue may be helpful. And if you're struggling with how to listen without adding pressure or judgment, dive into this piece about compassionate listening.

Ultimately, your child won’t always remember what you said, but they will remember how they felt when they told you something vulnerable. If that memory is of calm, loving presence, they’ll come back again and again.