Why Listening to Your Child’s Feelings About School Matters More Than You Think

Understanding Begins With Listening

Most parents, at some point, find themselves standing at the kitchen counter, weary from a long day, while their child spouts off something like, “School is so boring,” or worse, “I hate school.” It can feel dismissive, even frustrating—especially when you know how much effort goes into ensuring they have all the tools they need to succeed. But what if those simple, emotionally charged statements are actually windows into something deeper and more important?

Children between the ages of 6 and 12 are developing an internal narrative about education, self-worth, and their place in the world. Ignoring or brushing off their school-related feelings—even the small ones—can quietly teach them that their thoughts don’t matter, or worse, that struggling in school means something is wrong with them.

Feelings Are Data, Too

We’re often conditioned to look for measurable signs of progress: test scores, grades, completed homework. But a child’s feelings about school can be just as informative. When your child says, “Everyone else finishes faster than me,” they’re not just making a complaint—they’re sharing a concern about comparison and self-worth. When they say, “My teacher doesn’t like me,” they might be really saying, “I don’t feel seen or valued in class.”

In this article, we explore how acknowledging your child’s perspective can directly contribute to their academic success. Studies echo what many parents already know intuitively: validated children feel more secure, and secure children learn better.

Why Children Often Stay Silent

Ironically, many of the children who need the most support are the least likely to speak up. This isn’t because they don’t trust you. It’s often because they don’t yet have the words to describe what they’re feeling, or they’ve come to believe their struggles are a personal failure.

That’s why it’s critical to ask open-ended, non-judgmental questions that go beyond “How was school today?” Think instead:

• “What was the best part of your day? What was the hardest?”
• “When did you feel proud of yourself at school this week?”
• “Is there anything that made you feel invisible or confused?”

You can find more ideas like these in this guide on how to ask better questions.

Building Safe Spaces for Expression

Children don’t open up just because we ask. They open up when they sense it’s safe to do so. That safety doesn’t come from having all the answers; it comes from knowing you won’t react with shame or urgency to fix everything automatically.

Imagine your child tells you they’re afraid to speak in class. Your first instinct might be to reassure them: “But you’re so smart! Just raise your hand!” Instead, what they may need to hear is: “That sounds really hard. What does it feel like when everyone’s watching?”

This kind of reflective listening isn’t always easy—especially when you're exhausted—but it’s the foundation of emotional trust. In fact, in this piece on listening without judgment, we dive into exactly how to create those crucial moments of connection.

Reimagining Learning with Compassion

Let’s be honest: not every child thrives sitting quietly at a desk for hours, absorbing facts in silence. Some are kinesthetic learners, others auditory. Some need more repetition, others need to feel emotionally connected to the material in order to retain it.

That’s why bridging the gap between school expectations and how your child actually learns can be transformative. For instance, if your child often zones out during in-class reading, you might try turning their lessons into immersive audio adventures where they become the hero—complete with their name woven into the storyline. This kind of personalized, story-driven approach (offered by tools like the Skuli App) can breathe life into dry material and make learning feel like play rather than punishment.

When Emotions Become Roadblocks

Sometimes, feelings about school are so big, they become obstacles—like school refusal, test anxiety, or even physical complaints like stomachaches or headaches. If your child is showing signs of distress, such as fear of going to school or sudden mood swings, it’s time to take a closer look—without jumping to conclusions.

In this in-depth article, we unpack the common causes of school-related anxiety and offer ways to gently support your child through it, from creating predictable routines to connecting with school counselors.

Your Presence Is More Powerful Than You Think

You don’t have to turn into a therapist or a teacher to make a difference. Being a consistent, compassionate presence can speak louder than any academic intervention. Listening to your child’s feelings about school—without rushing to judge or project—says, “You matter. Your experience matters. We’re in this together.”

And much of the time, that’s all they really need to feel brave enough to keep going.