My Child Complains About School: How to Listen Without Judgment

When The School Bell Rings, But Your Child Shuts Down

Your child drops their backpack at the door with a sigh. You offer a snack, ask how school went, and instead of the usual shrug, they whisper, “I hate school.” Or worse, they burst into tears you weren’t expecting. As a parent, these moments pull at your heart — and sometimes, your nerves. You want to help, to fix it, to remind them that school is important. But deep down, you know what they need isn't a solution. They need you to listen.

The power of just being heard

One of the hardest parts of parenting is staying quiet enough to hear what our child is really saying. Not just the words — but the meaning beneath them. When a child complains about school, it’s rarely because of one bad math problem or a single tough teacher. It’s very often layered in fear, frustration, exhaustion, or not feeling seen.

Think back to a time when you faced something difficult at work or in your life. Did you long for someone to dive in with solutions — or someone to simply sit beside you and say, “That sounds really hard. Want to talk about it?” Kids, as it turns out, are not so different.

If you’re unsure what to say (or not say), these gentle conversation starters can open the door to meaningful connection without applying pressure.

Resisting the urge to fix

It’s natural to want to protect our children from discomfort. But rushing to defend a teacher, dismiss the complaint, or solve the problem can backfire. Imagine this exchange:

Child: “Ms. Taylor is so unfair. She always yells at me.”
Parent: “She’s probably just strict. You’ll be fine.”

While well-meaning, the message becomes: “Your feelings aren’t valid.” Instead, try something like:

“Wow, that sounds tough. Do you want to tell me what happened?”

Now you're inviting a conversation, rather than ending one. If your child says, “Nothing,” that’s okay too. You’ve planted a seed of safety they’ll remember the next time.

For more on creating that safe space, check out this guide on helping your child open up.

Making school struggles feel less personal

It can be tough not to take our children's school complaints to heart. You might start thinking you’ve failed them. Or you might remember your own academic wounds and feel flooded by emotion. Pause. Breathe.

Your child's experience is not an evaluation of your parenting — it’s simply their reality in that moment. The goal is not to “make” them love school, but to help them feel capable of navigating it.

If your child says, “I’m dumb,” try responding with, “It sounds like something made you feel confused today. Can we figure it out together?” Keep the focus on the effort and emotion, not the outcome.

In moments when your child is especially discouraged, weaving learning into play or even using their imagination can help shift the tone. Some parents have found that using story-based audio tools — ones that turn lessons into interactive adventures where the child becomes the hero — can help reconnect emotionally disengaged kids. Seeing their own name in a story, especially when reviewing something tricky like fractions or geography, makes learning feel like an adventure, not a battle. One app, Skuli, does this through personalized audio stories — a tiny shift that makes a big emotional difference over time.

When complaints become something more

It's important to stay attuned to how often and how intensely your child complains. An occasional grumble is part of childhood. But daily dread, Sunday night tears, or frequent physical complaints (stomachaches, headaches) before school can be signs of deeper stress.

This article breaks down signs of school-related stress and what to watch for. And if your child says they flat-out hate school, there are ways to dig deeper with compassion, not panic.

Remember: a shift in behavior is a message, not manipulation. Your child isn’t trying to be dramatic — they’re trying to help you understand what they maybe can’t articulate yet. Your calm presence can be the anchor they need while they find the words.

Small adjustments that build trust

Daily routines where listening becomes natural — rather than a forced debrief — can help. Many parents find that casual spaces (the car, while cooking dinner) are better for open talk than direct face-to-face questioning.

Consider letting your child unwind from their day before diving into conversations. Or explore turning their written lessons into audio they can review in a low-pressure way while drawing, walking, or lying on the couch — wherever they feel most at ease. Tools that support auditory learning, like transforming a worksheet into an engaging explanation or quiz, can help kids absorb academic material without feeling overwhelmed.

The key isn’t to ignore struggles or sugarcoat difficulties but to meet your child where they are. With empathy, flexibility, and patience, you’re not only helping them deal with school — you’re teaching them how to face challenges with self-awareness and resilience.

You don’t need all the answers. Just open ears.

One caring adult who listens — really listens — can change a child's entire experience of school. Try to be that safe place, that quiet presence, that voice saying, “You’re not alone.” Whether the storm is a spelling test or a social struggle, you’re their shelter. And sometimes, that’s all they ever needed you to be.