How to Encourage Your Child to Open Up About School Struggles

When Silence Speaks Volumes

You've just picked your child up from school. You ask how their day was, and you get the usual: "Fine." Maybe a shrug. Maybe even silence. Deep down, though, you suspect something isn’t quite right — slipping grades, mounting resistance to homework, or perhaps even tears at bedtime. But every time you ask directly about school, the wall goes up.

If this sounds like your everyday reality, you're not alone. Many children between the ages of 6 and 12 find it hard to express what’s challenging about school. It's not that they don’t trust you or don’t want your help — they may simply lack the words, feel embarrassed, or fear disappointing you. So how can you open the door to these difficult conversations without pushing too hard?

Building Bridges, Not Walls

Children often scan us for cues. If they sense worry or frustration behind our questions, they may shut down to protect themselves — or even to shield us. Instead of launching into investigative questions right away, consider starting with neutral, open-ended chats during moments when the pressure is off: making dinner together, during a lazy weekend walk, or cuddled up with a book.

Rather than the predictable “How was school?”, try asking things like, “What made you laugh today?” or “What was the trickiest part of your day?” Keep the tone light but attentive. You're not cross-examining — you're opening a window.

Why Kids Hide Their Struggles

It’s easy to assume our child will tell us if something’s wrong. But many 6- to 12-year-olds internalize the belief that struggling at school means they are failing — that they are failing us. Others fear punishment, embarrassment, or simply don’t have the self-awareness yet to name what’s going on inside.

Some children hide their academic stress under a mask of indifference: "I don’t care about math anyway." Still others mask it with behavior — tantrums, procrastination, or avoidance. Learning to recognize the signs of school-related stress means stepping back and asking ourselves: what message might their behavior be trying to send me?

Lowering the Stakes of the Conversation

One child I worked with, Noah, a 9-year-old who struggled with reading comprehension, became almost mute every time his parents asked about school. Then one rainy afternoon, his mom started reading him an adventure story where the main character — also called Noah — had to decode messages and solve puzzles to save his friends. As she read, her son lit up. Suddenly, they weren’t talking about Noah and school. They were allies on a quest.

Sometimes, removing the pressure to perform is exactly what allows children to share. That’s why even simple tools — like turning a written lesson into a personalized audio adventure where your child becomes the hero — can gently bridge learning and connection. Skuli, a mobile app available on iOS and Android, offers this very feature, creating magical, low-pressure invitations for dialogue and discovery — even in the car, at bedtime, or when books feel overwhelming.

Make Listening the Priority

When your child finally does open up about struggling in school, the hardest thing might be to not offer a fix immediately. But advice too soon can feel like judgment — even when it’s well-meaning.

Try simply reflecting back what they say: “That sounds like it was really confusing.” Or “You felt left out when the teacher picked someone else.” When the conversation is focused on understanding rather than problem-solving, kids feel safe coming back — again and again.

This doesn’t mean you can't problem-solve later. It just means the first step is holding their truth with care. And if you’re not sure what to say, listening without judgment is often enough.

Normalize the Messy Side of Learning

Remember: school is hard. Learning is messy. Even the brightest children hit roadblocks — and that’s okay. When we normalize struggle in our homes and celebrate effort over outcome, we de-shame the experience of needing help. You might even share a story from your own school days: the test you flunked, the subject that terrified you, the moment a kind teacher changed everything.

Talking about these memories lightly but with honesty can make your child feel less alone in theirs.

Make Room for Their Pace

Some children will pour out their heart at bedtime. Others will whisper the truth during a walk, or mention difficulties in fleeting comments like, “Everyone’s better at this than me.” Don’t force it. Pay attention to patterns, look for small openings, and above all, stay consistent. Kids notice when we show up — when we’re really there — even if they can’t always say it.

And if you feel stuck, you're not failing. You're parenting. Maybe start by reading why your child might not be talking about school — and how to gently reopen those doors in everyday moments.

You're Already Doing More Than You Know

Your desire to understand and support your child is already a powerful start. The work of helping them open up isn’t about getting the right answers — it’s about creating the right space. One filled with trust, patience, and the kind of love that says: you are safe to bring me your messiest feelings. And I will still be here.

If you’d like more ideas on how to build those bridges day by day, you might appreciate this guide to helping your child share about their school day, gently and consistently.