Why Doesn't My Child Talk About Their Day at School?

When Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

“How was school today?”

“Fine.”

And just like that, the conversation ends — again.

If this exchange feels all too familiar, you're not alone. Many parents of children aged 6 to 12 struggle with the mystery of their child’s school day. It’s not that you expect a detailed hour-by-hour recap, but hearing something—a funny moment, a challenging question, a new friend’s name—would be reassuring.

So why the silence? Why doesn’t your child talk about their day at school, even when you ask with genuine interest?

School Feels Like Another World

For your child, school can be an entirely separate universe—one filled with unique challenges, hidden pressures, and complex dynamics. At home, you're their parent. But at school, they may be navigating tricky friendships, managing performance anxiety, or trying hard to focus when the classroom moves too fast or too slow. That gap between their two worlds can make it hard to bridge the conversation.

In fact, many children don’t yet have the emotional vocabulary to express what happens during their day—especially when they feel overwhelmed. If your child struggles with learning or often feels like they’re falling behind, they're even more likely to retreat into silence.

If you suspect your child might be experiencing this kind of stress, this guide on recognizing school stress may help you spot the signs.

After-School Isn’t Always the Best Moment

Imagine finishing a long workday and someone immediately asks: “What exactly did you do today? What was the most challenging part? Did you impress your boss?”

Like you, your child needs space to decompress once the school day ends. The ride home in the car, the walk back, or even the first hour at home may not be the best time to talk. They're mentally tired, maybe socially drained, and just want to slip back into the comfort of something familiar and effortless.

Studies show that children’s brains operate differently at various times of the day. You might find that they open up more in the evening—after dinner, during story time, or right before bed—when they feel emotionally safe and unpressured.

The “Interrogation Trap”

Questions like “What did you learn today?” or “Did you behave?”—though well-meaning—can come off like a spotlight, especially for a child who’s sensitive about their performance or unsure if they “did well.” These types of questions often feel more like a test than an invitation to connect.

Try instead to share something about your day first. Say, “Today my meeting ran super late and I was starving!” You’d be surprised how often your child will respond with something like, “That happened to me during math today!” Sharing your own moments removes pressure and builds trust.

This strategy is especially helpful for kids who might say they “hate school”—something parents fear but hear more often than they’d expect. If that’s the case, our full guide on what to do when your child says they hate school may provide clarity and direction.

Listening Before Talking

Sometimes, kids do talk—but not in the way or at the moment you're hoping for. Maybe they make a casual comment while building with Legos, or mutter something as they brush their teeth. These fleeting mentions can be easy to miss, especially when you're juggling dinner or your own work stress, but they’re pure gold.

When your child throws out a hint—"I didn’t get picked for the game”—pause and follow the thread gently. Don't dive into a 20-question follow-up; stay present, open, and curious.

Even if the moment passes quickly, it’s a building block. Trust that little by little, your responsiveness can turn into a routine. For more on fostering this kind of environment, see our article on helping your child open up about their school day.

Reconnecting Through Play and Story

Here’s what often works even better than questions: stories. Especially ones where your child feels in control or seen. If your child feels reluctant to talk, they might find it easier to communicate through play, roleplay, or even storytelling—especially if they become the protagonist of the story.

One dad I coached started a bedtime tradition with his 9-year-old son where they’d make up a superhero scenario. Eventually, the child began weaving subtle school references into the stories: “And then the hero had to stand up to a villain who made fun of his shoes.” That’s where the real insight happened.

Some tools can support this kind of imaginative connection. For kids who prefer listening to reading or who struggle to speak about their own day, using a learning app that can turn their school lessons into personalized audio adventures—where they are the hero—can gently bridge the worlds of school and home. The Skuli App, available on iOS and Android, offers such a feature, allowing your child to hear their name in a custom adventure that reinforces school lessons without pressure or boredom.

It's Not That They Don’t Want to Talk—They Might Not Know How

Your child probably isn’t intentionally shutting you out. They might be overwhelmed. Or unsure of what to share. Or afraid of saying the “wrong” thing.

Try to show consistent interest not with interrogation, but with presence. Sit nearby while they doodle. Ask about their lunch rather than their grades. Let silences sit comfortably. Over time, the walls soften—and often, once you least expect it, they’ll say something small that opens the door just a bit wider.

Also, don’t assume that silence equals unhappiness. If you're unsure, here’s how to tell if your child actually enjoys school even if they’re not talking about it much.

Your Presence Matters More Than Your Questions

Some days, your child might bounce into the car bursting to share. Other days, they’ll withdraw. Both versions are normal. The goal isn’t to pull out information—it’s to build trust and emotional safety so that when your child is ready, they’ll come to you.

And when they do? Don’t rush to fix. Just listen. You may discover there’s magic hiding in the smallest stories.