How to Understand the Silence When Your Child Doesn’t Want to Talk About School

When silence speaks louder than words

Your child comes home, drops their backpack, grabs a snack, and disappears into their bedroom without saying a word. You ask, "How was school today?"—and the answer, if anything, is a shrug or a vague "fine." You’re not imagining things: your child is saying a lot by saying nothing at all.

For parents of children aged 6 to 12, this kind of silence can feel simultaneously frustrating and worrying. What’s going on in their heads? Are they struggling with schoolwork, friendships, or anxiety? Or are they just tired and uninterested in talking?

Silence isn’t always resistance

It’s easy to interpret silence as defiance or disinterest, but we need to consider how children experience and process emotions. At this age, many kids feel things deeply but don’t yet have the vocabulary—or the confidence—to express them. Silence can be:

• A sign of overwhelm. A long school day demands focus, social interaction, and emotional regulation—your child may simply be exhausted.
• A way to protect themselves. If school feels hard or shameful, staying quiet can feel safer than talking about it.
• A bid for control. In a world where adults make most decisions, controlling a conversation (or not having one) can give a child power.

Understanding this doesn’t make the silence less painful to sit through, but it can help you approach it with curiosity rather than confrontation.

Creating safety before conversation

One parent I worked with described how her 9-year-old daughter would clam up every time school was mentioned. Homework time turned into a standoff. When we explored the dynamics at home, we realized these conversations often happened while rushing between activities or after reminders about undone tasks.

We shifted the focus: instead of treating school-talk as a task, we created small, regular moments where connection came first. A calm walk after dinner. A shared breakfast in quiet. No direct questions—just availability. After two weeks, her daughter began volunteering small stories: a funny thing the teacher said, a bad mark on a test. The silence cracked because safety bloomed.

If you’re unsure how to set the stage for openness, this guide on creating a home environment that encourages conversations about school offers helpful starting points.

The hidden language beneath quiet

Children often express themselves in indirect ways. It might be acting out, withdrawing, avoiding homework, or saying things like "I hate school"—only to shut down when you try to dig deeper. The truth is that many children communicate stress through behaviors, not words.

Rather than pushing for direct conversation, observe your child’s moods, energy levels, and reactions around school-related tasks. Taking note of subtle changes can reveal patterns. Do they become anxious during Sunday evenings? Do they light up when music or art is mentioned, but freeze when it's math?

In those patterns lie clues. They won’t replace dialogue, but they can help you better tailor the times and ways you open doors to connection.

Building bridges without pressure

You don’t need to launch into pep talks or problem-solving every time you try to talk about school. What most kids need first is to feel truly heard. As a parent, that means more listening, less fixing.

In moments when your child does talk, resist the urge to jump in. Instead, mirror their words. If they say, “It was boring,” try, “You didn’t feel engaged today.” This shows them you’re trying to understand, not correct—or rush them into feeling better. For more on this, explore why listening to children’s feelings about school matters more than you think.

And during the silences, don’t underestimate the power of simple presence. A nonverbal show of support—like sitting beside them while they do homework or leaving a kind note in their lunchbox—says, “I’m here when you’re ready.”

Making school less intimidating

Sometimes silence comes from a deeper fear: fear of failure, of disappointing you, of simply not understanding what’s expected at school. This fear rarely announces itself directly. Instead, it shows up as avoidance, refusal, or even physical complaints like stomachaches in the morning.

If that resonates, it may be worth reading this article on how to support a child who’s afraid to go to school. It offers sensitive strategies for uncovering the roots of school-related anxiety.

Reducing the emotional charge associated with schoolwork can also help. For example, if your child dreads homework because reading feels hard or discouraging, try flipping the experience by engaging another learning channel. Apps like Sculi allow you to turn written lessons into personalized audio adventures—imagine your child listening to a story where they’re the hero, using their own name. Suddenly, the same multiplication facts don’t feel like a wall to climb; they’re a part of a quest to save a kingdom. It doesn’t replace daily practice, but it changes the emotional tone—often the first step in opening up conversation.

It’s okay to take it slow

We sometimes forget that our eagerness to help can feel invasive to a child. Silence isn’t a measure of failure—either yours or theirs. It's a signpost, pointing us toward what still needs to feel safe, acceptable, and manageable.

Try asking yourself not just why your child isn’t talking, but what fear or confusion that silence might be covering. Sometimes, giving them time and space is the most loving thing you can do.

And above all, stay connected—even in quiet. A warm glance, a relaxed chat about something totally unrelated to school, a shared playlist on a drive home—these things matter. From those moments, real conversations will eventually emerge.