How to Help Your 10-Year-Old Open Up About Your Divorce

When the Words Don’t Come: Understanding Your Child’s Silence

When you told your 10-year-old that you and your partner were separating, maybe they nodded quietly. Maybe they asked, "Do I still get to see Dad?" Or maybe they just stared at the floor. Either way, days or even weeks later, they’ve gone quiet about it. They might say they’re fine, or deflect with a joke. But you know silence doesn’t always mean peace.

Helping your child talk about a divorce isn’t about having the right script. It’s about creating ongoing space—emotional, physical, and even logistical—where your child knows they’re safe to express messy, complicated thoughts. Sometimes it’s during bedtime, sometimes while making dinner. Sometimes it's in the car, where eyes focus on the road instead of each other. What matters is presence—not perfection.

What a 10-Year-Old Understands About Divorce

At age 10, kids straddle two worlds. They’ve outgrown the simplicity of early childhood but haven’t yet gained the emotional vocabulary of adolescence. They're likely to understand the concept of divorce, but not its full emotional complexity. They want concrete answers: "Where will I sleep on school nights?" "Will we still go on our summer trip?" But beneath those questions simmer deeper fears: "Did I do something wrong?" "Who will be there when I have a bad day?"

If your child isn’t talking, they might be protecting you, unsure of how to express anger, or simply not ready. Trust that the truth is still forming for them—and that your calm, consistent openness will help shape it.

More Than Words: Daily Invitations to Share

Telling your child “you can talk to me anytime” is wonderful—but sometimes it’s not enough. It helps to actively create opportunities where talking comes naturally. That might mean slowing down your rhythm so there’s space to reconnect after school, over dinner, or even during mundane moments—while folding laundry, walking the dog, or driving to football practice.

One parent I spoke to started using writing as a bridge. He gave his daughter a special notebook where they could write notes to each other about the divorce or anything else she didn’t want to say out loud. It became a cherished ritual—their own quiet conversation.

For kids who are verbal but guarded, audio can be a gentle way to explore thoughts indirectly. Some families have found comfort in turning books or lessons into audio they can listen to together during car rides. Tools like the Skuli App even let you create tailored audio stories where your child is the hero—using their name, their learning style, and their grade level. It can be an entry point into imagination and conversation—without feeling forced.

When Guilt and Loyalty Confuse the Message

Your child might feel like talking to you about the divorce is betraying the other parent. Or maybe they avoid the topic because it brings up conflicting loyalties. This is especially common when children are caught in emotional crossfire, even unintentionally.

To gently counterbalance this, remind them often that it’s okay to love both parents. That honoring one relationship doesn’t diminish the other. Consider reading this piece on helping children avoid taking sides—written exactly for moments like these.

You might also want to express your own feelings with care—not to burden them, but to model openness without drama. Saying things like, “I’m sad sometimes too, but I’m working through it,” or “I’m here for you, whether you want to talk or just hang out,” shows them they don’t have to carry everything alone—or pretend to be okay when they’re not.

When to Seek Extra Support

If your child shows significant changes in behavior, like withdrawal, sleep issues, or school struggles, it might be time to bring in more support. Some kids benefit tremendously from talking to a therapist—especially someone experienced in family transitions. In other cases, a school counselor or trusted teacher can be a helpful touchpoint.

If your child is struggling to concentrate, or seems unmotivated with school since the separation, consider adapting their learning experience temporarily. Flexible tools—like turning a photo of their lesson into personalized practice questions—can relieve pressure and restore confidence. Emotional regulation and academic focus aren’t separate. They always influence each other.

Divorce Conversations Aren’t One-Time Events

Know this: your child won’t process everything in one deep conversation. These talks will unfold slowly, in fragments and returns. Your role is to hang in there—to keep showing up, listening, normalizing, and reassuring. You don’t have to know exactly what to say at every moment. You just have to create space, over and over again.

If you're navigating school routines together through this transition, you may also find helpful insights in our article on back-to-school organization after divorce.

You’re Not Alone Either

If you’re reading this, you’re probably exhausted—from paperwork, new schedules, your own grief, and the quiet pressure to stay calm for your kids. Let me tell you something important: you are doing better than you think. If your child feels loved, seen, and safe—even through tears or silence—you are giving them exactly what they need.

And don’t forget your own needs. You might find this article on managing school holidays as a separated parent helpful—or this one on supporting a child who can't sleep after a separation. Every little adjustment you make—whether logistical or emotional—helps write the next chapter.

Even if your child isn’t talking yet, they are listening. They are watching. And most of all—they are learning that love doesn’t disappear, even when families change shape.