My Child Can’t Sleep Since Our Separation: What Can I Do?

When Nights Become Harder After a Separation

You’ve finally tucked them into bed. You kiss their forehead, pull the blanket up around their shoulders, whisper “I love you” and start to close the door. Then comes the whisper: “Mom… can you stay with me a little longer?” Or maybe there are tears. Or pleas to sleep in your bed. Or tossing and turning late into the night. If your child is having trouble sleeping after your separation, you’re far from alone.

Changes in family structure disrupt far more than daily routines. For children aged 6 to 12, whose emotions are still developing and sense of security is often anchored in predictability, a parental separation can feel like someone shook up the snow globe of their world—and now the flakes won’t settle. Sleep, which depends on a sense of peace and safety, is often the first casualty.

The Emotional Weight Children Carry to Bed

Even if your child seems fine during the day, bedtime has a way of opening the emotional floodgates. It’s dark. They’re alone with their thoughts. And their body, instead of winding down, starts reacting to their inner worries:

• “Is Mom sad when I’m not here?”
• “Does Dad still think about me?”
• “What if they fight again?”

These thoughts might not be voiced aloud, but they live somewhere inside—showing up as anxiety-induced insomnia, nightmares, or refusal to sleep alone. That’s why nurturing your child’s emotional safety is one of the most powerful ways to support better sleep.

If you're noticing behavior changes during bedtime or your child seems especially restless, consider first reading this guide to supporting your child’s emotional health during a divorce. The more emotionally supported they feel, the calmer their bodies will become at night.

Consistency: The Invisible Sleep Superpower

In the post-separation world, one of the hardest things to do is maintain consistency—especially if co-parenting. Bedtime routines might look different in each home. Expectations around screen time or evening snacks may clash. Yet children thrive on routine. They find emotional grounding in knowing what’s coming next.

Talk with your co-parent about creating a similar bedtime ritual in both homes. It doesn’t have to be identical, but a shared structure helps: bath, pyjamas, story, snuggle, lights out. Simple, predictable, repeatable.

For more practical guidance, you’ll find this article helpful: How to Set Consistent Rules Across Two Homes.

Tools and Comforts That Travel Between Homes

Your child might miss the scent of their pillow, the softness of a favourite blanket, or the way you hum a song before sleep. Consider comfort objects that can accompany them from place to place—whether it’s a plush toy that “protects them at night” or a small jar of lavender spray you both use to “chase the worries away.”

Some families also record audio notes or bedtime stories—a familiar parent’s voice saying, “Goodnight, I’m thinking of you.” If your child tends to fixate on worries or has trouble settling their mind before bed, storytelling can become more than distraction—it can be therapeutic. That’s why some parents use interactive story tools, like apps that turn lessons or bedtime moments into personalized audio adventures, where their child becomes the hero, complete with their own name guiding the narrative. When your child feels the story is theirs, it invites them into a world where they can feel brave, calm, and grounded—just before sleep.

When the Sleep Struggle is a Symptom

We often interpret sleep challenges as a nighttime problem, but they’re usually the tip of the iceberg. Your child may be having trouble concentrating in school, worrying constantly during the day, or even internalizing guilt. The quiet of night just makes those emotions louder.

If this resonates, I recommend reading How to Help Your Child Not Feel Guilty About Your Separation. Some children believe, even subtly, that the separation is their fault. That inner burden can haunt them—especially in silence.

A strong daytime support system—emotional validation, plenty of physical affection, safe open conversations—can do more for sleep than any nightlight or white noise machine.

What To Say—and What Not To Say

You don’t need magical words. But you do need presence. If your child is scared or sad at bedtime, acknowledge their feelings. Try:

• “I know bedtime feels different now. And that’s okay. We’re figuring it out together.”
• “Even when I’m not with you, I’m still loving you. Always.”

Resist the urge to promise that everything will go back to “normal”—because it won’t, and false reassurance won’t help in the long run. Instead, offer the reliable comfort of your ongoing love. That’s what steadies the boat in the storm.

When Your Child Feels Safe, Sleep Follows

Sometimes progress is quiet—and slow. One night your child only wakes once. Another night they ask to read the story themselves. These are victories. Healing isn’t linear, and sleep will come in its own time, when your child’s nervous system finally decides the world is safe enough to let go for the night.

During this time, setting small wins also helps—the sense of agency your child gets from conquering a difficult math concept or feeling capable in class reinforces their inner stability across both homes. Something as simple as turning a photo of their school lesson into a personalized quiz through an app they enjoy can lift their self-confidence gently, without stress.

For many more ideas on helping kids manage learning and emotional stability between two homes, don’t miss this guide about managing homework across two homes.

You’re Doing Better Than You Think

Parenting after separation is rarely a graceful dance. Some days you may feel guilt or exhaustion. But remember: children don’t need perfect parents. They need present ones. The fact that you’re reading this, worrying about their sleep, wondering how to help them feel safe—that speaks volumes. It already makes you the safe place they need to finally close their eyes and rest.