Separated Parents: How to Manage School Holidays Smoothly

Why School Holidays Can Be a Minefield for Separated Families

If you're a parent navigating shared custody, you already know that school holidays—those moments we wish were filled with fun and family—often come with extra doses of stress. Between coordinating logistics, communicating with your co-parent, and supporting your child emotionally, what should be a break can feel like anything but.

One mom I know, Céline, told me, "I used to dread the school breaks. My daughter always came back anxious, disoriented, and behind on her homework." Sound familiar? These transitions can be tough on everyone involved—but especially on your child.

The good news? With some empathy, preparation, and creativity, holidays can become less of a tug-of-war and more of a true pause—and maybe even a growth opportunity.

Start With a Shared Vision—Even If You Disagree

Divorced or separated parents don’t always see eye-to-eye. But when it comes to holidays, having a shared basic framework is essential. Kids thrive on predictability, and when each parent pulls in a different direction, anxiety can spike.

Try to co-create a vision for the holidays, even if it’s just agreeing on the basics: travel dates, locations, boundaries around screen time, and expectations around homework. It might help to revisit agreements during a calm moment—perhaps at the beginning of the school year or before each vacation period.

You can read more about this in our article on keeping everything organized after a separation.

Beware of the Emotional Whiplash

For kids aged 6 to 12, shifting between two homes can bring emotional ups and downs, even more so during holiday breaks when they may expect joyful togetherness and instead experience separation again. Some children become clingy, angry, or regress in behavior—others may seem detached or ‘totally fine.’ Both are ways of coping.

Ask yourself: does my child know what's coming next? Do they feel safe expressing their feelings about the schedule? Do they ever have to choose sides between us?

If you're unsure, this article on preventing loyalty conflicts after divorce may be a helpful read.

Homework Doesn't Take Holidays—But Stress Levels Can

Children with learning difficulties often fall behind during school breaks, especially in shared custody situations where routines vary. Trying to squeeze in homework between ski trips or time with grandma can feel like an impossible ask—to both parents and kids. But it doesn’t have to be a battle.

One dad, Karim, shared how the few calm, focused moments he had with his son during holidays were often during car rides. "We started listening to lessons together in the car—it became our thing. No pressure, just part of the ride." For auditory learners or those needing a lighter approach during holidays, turning lessons into audio can work wonders.

Some parents use tools like the Skuli App, which can transform written lessons into personalized audio adventures—imagine your child starring as the hero of a story that happens to teach them fractions. It’s subtle, it’s fun, and it keeps their mind engaged without feeling like school.

Consistency Anchors, Even in Two-Households

If your child splits weeks or even days between two parents during the holidays, consistency is a gift. Children thrive on routines, even more so when everything else feels in flux. It doesn’t mean both homes must operate identically—but a few shared anchors can help:

• The same bedtime ritual or lights-out time
• Familiar mealtime routines (e.g., breakfast together without screens)
• A shared pouch or backpack with school things, so key items don’t get lost

Even posting a shared calendar where kids can see “mom days” and “dad days” can provide emotional stability. Older children might appreciate helping update it themselves.

Don’t Avoid the Hard Conversations

If your child seems particularly emotional during holidays—crying before a handover, refusing to do schoolwork, or acting out—it might be masking something deeper. Use gentle curiosity to open space: “You seem upset—are you missing Mom/Dad?” or "Is there something you wish we could change for next time?"

Creating emotional safety is more important than solving every problem. For more on this, check out our article on reassuring your child they’re loved after a divorce.

Plan for Re-entry

Switching back to the school routine after a holiday can feel jarring—especially if your child has spent time in households with very different rhythms. Try to anticipate this. A “buffer day” before school resumes can help—a day without travel, parties, or screen marathons.

If possible, spend this day gently reviewing material from school (with no pressure to perform) and preparing their backpack together. Even creating a game—like turning a photo of a lesson into a quick personalized quiz—can smooth the transition while making them feel capable again.

This kind of light-touch review is especially helpful for children who struggle with learning retention during gaps, as we’ve written about in this article on managing homework across two homes.

Final Thought: Your Calm Matters More Than Your Plan

Remember this: there is no perfect way to handle shared vacations. There’s only the steady, sincere effort of showing your child they are safe, seen, and supported—no matter whose house they are in today.

And if the holidays are emotionally (or logistically) heavy for you, too, that’s okay. Take things one week, one transition, one bedtime story at a time.

You're doing better than you think.