Why Kids Find It So Hard to Talk About School—and How You Can Help

Silence Isn’t Always Simplicity

“How was school?”

“Fine.”

If this exchange feels familiar, you're not alone. As a parent, it can be deeply frustrating to ask your child—who just spent six or more hours at school—a simple question, only to get a one-word answer. And if your child is struggling academically, socially, or emotionally, that silence can feel especially heavy.

But the truth is, most children between the ages of 6 and 12 don’t find it easy to talk about what they experience at school. Not because they don’t want to, but because they often lack the emotional vocabulary, perspective, or safety to do so. Their resistance to conversation is rarely a rejection—it’s usually a signal that they need a bridge to help them cross over from their feelings to their words.

The Inner World of a School-aged Child

The elementary and pre-teen years are a whirlwind of development—intellectually, socially, hormonally. Kids this age are building their identity, forming social hierarchies, interpreting adult expectations, and navigating an increasingly complex curriculum. That’s a lot.

Now let’s add: spelling tests, playground conflicts, group projects, confusing instructions, moments of public embarrassment, or simply zoning out during math and trying to play catch-up with the teacher’s pace. These experiences create emotional ripples that can be hard for kids to name or share.

A child might feel shame for not understanding something everyone else seems to grasp. Or they may be silently battling boredom, masking disappointment, or processing a friend's hurtful comment. Understanding this emotional soup is the first step toward helping them talk about it.

We go into this in more depth in our article How to Recognize and Respond to Your Child’s School-Related Emotions.

Why Children Stay Silent

There are several reasons your child might not share more about school—even when you genuinely want to help:

• Fear of judgment: They may worry you'll be disappointed or upset, especially if the topic is bad grades or behavioral issues.
• Difficulty identifying feelings: Children can struggle to articulate what they’re feeling if they don’t understand it themselves.
• Assumed indifference: Past interactions may lead them to believe you're not truly interested (even if that’s not true).
• Overwhelm: Unpacking a full day’s emotions can feel like too much after a tiring school day.
• Desire to disconnect: Some kids want to keep their school and home lives separate, especially if school feels stressful.

Our article Why Listening to Your Child’s Voice About School is More Powerful Than You Think dives deeper into how powerful it can be just to hold space without making a child feel interrogated.

Real-Life Story: The Case of “Nothing Happened”

A parent named Isabelle shared that her 9-year-old son, Leo, often told her “nothing happened” at school. But after weeks of gently experimenting with different conversation starters, she changed her approach. Instead of asking “What did you do today?”, she tried: “What made you laugh or smile today?” And then: “What part of today was hard?”

One night, in the car, Leo finally opened up. It wasn’t about academics at all—but about a classmate who teased him for needing extra help in reading. That simple prompt led to an important conversation about bullying, self-confidence, and how Leo viewed learning differently than his peers.

We unpack more approaches like Isabelle’s in this guide to getting your child talking about what they like (or don’t) at school.

When Words Don’t Work, Try Other Languages

Not every child is a talker—and that's okay. Sometimes they speak better through play, art, physical movement, or storytelling. If open conversation isn’t flowing, consider using alternative paths that help your child express and process school-related experiences.

Many parents find that children open up more during shared activities: baking, walking the dog, doing puzzles, or bedtime stories. Others have turned to creative tools where children can hear academic content in an imaginative format. For example, some apps allow children to become the hero in an audio adventure while learning about their lessons—including one that turns their name and class material into personalized stories. It’s a gentle way to reignite curiosity, especially if schooling has come to feel stressful or shameful.

Building Trust Takes Time

Your child may not tell you everything right away—especially if they’ve associated school talk with pressure (“Did you finish your homework?”) or worry (“What’s happening with those math grades?”).

Repair takes time. Soften your tone. Be curious without being interrogative. And remember, you’re not trying to extract a report—you’re trying to connect on their terms.

If you sense that your child feels unseen or misunderstood, our article 7 Things Your Child Wishes You Understood About School might help you tap into what’s underneath their silence.

Start with One Question—and No Agenda

Here are a few gentle questions that have opened up dialogue for other parents:

• “What’s something that surprised you today?”
• “If you could redo one moment from school, which would it be?”
• “Was there a moment when you felt smart or proud?”
• “Which subject feels a bit like a mountain right now?”

These questions work best when paired with full presence—without a phone in your hand or a half-distracted mind. Try asking just one, and then letting the silence breathe. Your quiet attention might be the space your child needs to take a chance and say what is hard to say.