How to Get Your Child Talking About What They Like (or Don’t) at School

Why won’t my child tell me about school?

If you’ve ever been met with a shrug, a bland “It was fine,” or complete silence when you ask about your child’s day at school, you’re not alone. For many parents of children aged 6 to 12, unlocking the mystery of how school really feels for their child is no small task. You want to understand their world, support them, celebrate their wins, and help with their struggles—but first, they have to open up.

The truth? Kids often have a lot to say, but they don’t always know how to say it. The transition from the school environment to home can be abrupt. Many children need time to mentally decompress before they revisit the day. Others may fear being judged for their feelings, or they simply don’t think their experiences are worth sharing. Sometimes, the silence is trying to protect them—from reliving a difficult moment, from your disappointment, or from judgment they imagine in your tone, even when it’s not there.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not failing—you’re doing your best. But your child may need you to approach the conversation a little differently.

It starts with presence, not questions

So many of us default to the question, “How was school?” And while the intention is good, the form is all wrong. It demands a quick summary, not a story. Try replacing questions with connection. Sit with them while they do something they enjoy after school. Maybe it's coloring, building with Legos, or tossing a ball around. That’s where conversations can begin—not with an interrogation, but with comfort and shared space. When children feel relaxed and unpressured, they begin to share more organically.

This gentle and observational approach is explored further in our article Should You Make Your Child Talk About Their School Day?, where we discuss the power of silence and subtle observation as communication tools.

Follow the spark, not the script

Kids don’t always talk about what we think is important—they talk about what interests them, what made them feel something. If your child says, “We had indoor recess today,” lean into that moment. “What did you do instead? Who were you with?” From there, you might discover they don’t like noisy classrooms or that they miss their usual outdoor game. It’s in these small nuggets that bigger emotions and preferences are revealed.

Similarly, be curious about what lights them up. If they mention a science activity or a story they read, give them permission to ramble. Ask, “What did you like about that?” or “Would you want to try that again at home?” The goal is not to extract a report—it’s to encourage them to lead with their interests, which creates a bridge to deeper dialogue.

In our article Why Does My Child Say They're Bored at School?, we dive into what boredom really means and how tuning into interests can reignite your child's engagement with learning.

Share yourself, too

One of the most powerful ways to draw children out is by offering a piece of yourself. Talk about something you enjoyed as a child at school—or something you found frustrating. Kids often feel less alone when they realize the struggles they’re facing aren’t new or unique. When you tell them about the time you felt nervous presenting in class, they may feel safe enough to share their own anxieties. Vulnerability opens doors.

And keep it light. A funny story from your school days can make them laugh—and laughter builds connection. Ultimately, children want to be understood, not ‘managed.’

If your child still stays quiet, that’s okay

Some children process internally, and that’s not a flaw. Silence isn't always a sign of distress—it can also mean they’re working through things in their own way. As detailed in How to Understand the Silence When Your Child Doesn’t Want to Talk About School, tuning into non-verbal clues—mood changes, energy levels, appetite—can give you more insight than direct questions ever could.

Start noticing when school talk comes up naturally. Maybe they mention something on the way to soccer practice or while getting ready for bed. These moments are sacred. Instead of diving into a lesson-review mode, just listen, affirm, and help them name their feelings when they struggle to find the words. “It sounds like you felt left out,” or “You were proud of yourself for figuring that out.” That kind of emotional mirroring helps them build vocabulary for both needs and joys.

For more on decoding the emotional layers of school talk (or lack of it), check out How to Recognize and Respond to Your Child’s School-Related Emotions.

Let them learn in their own way

One reason children sometimes avoid talking about school is because it’s often linked with pressure—homework, tests, expectations. Give them moments where learning feels different. Maybe your child doesn’t like reading printed lessons, but loves listening to stories while in the car. You can gently bring school into that space—not with pressure, but playfully. For example, there are tools available now that turn school lessons into imaginative audio adventures using your child’s name, helping them feel more immersed and curious about the subject.

Skuli, a learning app available on iOS and Android, offers exactly that—personalized audio adventures based on actual school material. Kids become the heroes of their own learning story, which not only boosts engagement but often leads them to naturally bring up what they learned and how they felt about it, since the experience was so memorable.

In the end, it’s about trust

What your child tells you—or doesn’t—about school is never the full picture. But over time, with consistent presence, a curious heart, and a few well-timed open-ended questions, they will start to share. And what an incredible window that is. Not just into what they’re learning, but who they are becoming.

Your patience today plants the seeds for conversations tomorrow. The more you let them come to you without fear, the more they’ll believe that being heard is a normal, safe, and loving part of their life.

And perhaps that’s what we’re all trying to build—not a perfect report of the school day, but the kind of trust that lasts far beyond it.