How to Respond When Your Child Says They're 'Not Good at School'

When "I'm Just Not Smart Enough" Breaks Your Heart

It's bedtime, and as you tuck your child in, they whisper, "I'm just not good at school." Their eyes avoid yours, their voice barely audible. It’s a small sentence that hits hard. You want to say the right thing, to offer reassurance, but in that moment, your heart aches because you recognize something deeper — the beginnings of self-doubt.

For parents of children aged 6 to 12, these words can bring up frustration, worry, and even guilt. Many of us carry our own school memories, and seeing our kids struggle opens up those old wounds. At the same time, we want to equip them with resilience, not just quick fixes or empty praise. So... what can we do when our child starts to believe they’re “not good” at school?

Understand What's Really Being Said

First, take a breath. These moments call for listening more than fixing. Whether your child is struggling with reading, math, focusing in class, or feeling overwhelmed by homework, "I'm not good at school" is rarely just about academics. It’s an expression of fear, shame, or comparison to peers.

Try to get curious rather than corrective. Ask gently, "What makes you feel that way?" Their answers might surprise you — maybe they didn't understand last week's math test, or maybe a classmate made a comment. Maybe they’ve internalized one difficult moment as proof of lifelong failure.

This is the exact moment to let them know: struggle does not equal inadequacy. It equals learning in progress.

Shift the Focus from Outcome to Effort

Many children develop their idea of “smartness” from grades and teacher approval. But consistent encouragement of effort and problem-solving helps rewire that mindset. Start celebrating persistence over perfection. You might say things like:

• "You kept working even when it was hard — that’s what learning looks like."
• "I noticed how you reread that paragraph to understand it better. That shows effort."

Over time, these kinds of affirmations counter the “I’m not good at this” narrative. They also teach your child that growth is possible, not fixed.

Need more ideas on how to encourage your child without over-praising? Try these 10 unexpected ways to say 'well done'.

Normalize Struggle and Mistakes

Many children don’t see the “behind the scenes” of learning — only the polished results. That’s why it’s powerful to talk openly about mistakes and frustration as normal parts of any learning journey. Share a time when something was hard for you in school. Show them that even adults “fail” regularly, and that it helps us grow.

Turn school mistakes into conversations — not criticisms. For specific ideas, this article on how to turn a school mistake into a learning experience offers meaningful ways to respond.

Reconnect Learning with Confidence

When kids feel “bad” at school, their confidence takes a dip. To rebuild it, think outside of the classroom. What is your child naturally curious about? Where do they feel most competent — art? Animals? Building things? Cooking?

Help them experience success and agency in those areas. Confidence is transferrable. A child who's proud of building a LEGO tower or baking with you is better equipped to face a tough spelling worksheet — because they remember they’re capable.

For inspiration on rebuilding self-belief at home, explore these home activities that nurture confidence.

Support How They Learn, Not Just What

Every child learns differently, yet schools often rely on a one-size-fits-all model. If your child is starting to check out, it may be because the format doesn’t match how they best absorb information. Is your child an auditory learner who enjoys stories? Or do they thrive with repetition and questions?

Try adapting lessons in ways they enjoy. For example, some families use a tool that turns a photo of any school lesson into a short, personalized quiz — which helps review material in manageable steps. Others rely on features that transform written lessons into audio adventures, where their child becomes the hero of the story, using their name. These kinds of supports can help shift schoolwork from a place of shame to surprise and curiosity.

No tool is a cure-all, but platforms like Skuli (available on iOS and Android) offer these options to make learning more compassionate — and fun.

Be Your Child’s Mirror — And Anchor

Above all, your child is looking to you for reflection. They’re trying to figure out: “Am I good enough?”

In your eyes, words, and presence, show them the answer is yes — even when they struggle, even when they’re frustrated. And that growth takes time. That you’re in this together.

If your child regularly expresses self-doubt, it might also be helpful to gently explore deeper confidence-building strategies. This guide on building self-esteem in children ages 6 to 12 can offer extra support.

Remember: hearing your child say, "I'm not good at school" is not a parenting failure. It's an invitation to reconnect, rediscover how your child experiences learning, and remind them — over and over again — that their worth is never measured by grades or test scores.

They are more than enough. And with support, they will come to believe that, too.