Parenting Tips to Build Self-Esteem in Children Ages 6 to 12

When Your Child Stops Believing in Themselves

You know the look. The slumped shoulders after school, the quiet mumble of "I'm dumb" when they can't finish their math homework, or the sudden refusal to raise their hand in class. As a parent, it's heartbreaking to watch your child—your bright, curious, creative child—start to doubt themselves. At ages 6 to 12, kids are navigating a complex web of schoolwork, social status, and their blossoming sense of identity. It's not just about good grades anymore—it’s about how they perceive their own worth through those grades, friendships, and perceived successes and failures.

And here you are, exhausted from juggling work, dinner, laundry, and life—but still desperate to help them feel good about who they are.

Reframing Success: It’s Not About the Result

One of the most powerful things you can do as a parent is shift the focus away from results and toward effort. Studies show that praising kids for their effort instead of outcomes helps them develop a “growth mindset”—the belief that they can improve with practice and perseverance.

If your child comes home disappointed after a spelling test, try saying, "I saw how hard you studied this week—I’m proud of how much work you put in." Research supports this approach, and you can read more about it in Why Praising Effort Matters More Than Praising Results.

Of course, this shift doesn’t happen overnight. You’ll probably catch yourself saying "You’re so smart!" out of habit. Be gentle with yourself, too. Parenting is a constant iteration process.

Stories Can Heal Confidence Wounds

Children often retreat into silence when they’re feeling ashamed or insecure. A great way to break through is by telling stories—true or fictional—where the characters make mistakes but learn and grow from them. Even better? Make your child the hero of the story.

Many families are finding it helpful to use tools that let their kids engage with learning in a more playful, empowering way—like apps that turn lessons into audio adventures, where children listen to personalized stories that place them at the center of their own learning. One mom shared how her daughter started looking forward to car rides just to hear her math lesson told as a fantasy tale—with her as the brave explorer solving puzzles to rescue a captured cat. The Skuli app offers this kind of engaging support, blending storytelling with personalized learning tailored to your child’s pace and name.

Sometimes the path to self-confidence starts with a fantastical story where they slay a dragon of self-doubt.

Let Your Child Teach You Something

Your child may feel like they’re constantly failing in front of adults—teachers, coaches, even you. One way to balance that is to let them be the expert and teach you something. It could be explaining how to pass a level on their favorite game, walking you through how to draw a spaceship, or sharing what they’ve learned about butterflies at school.

The goal isn’t to test their knowledge but to give them space to lead with confidence. Make eye contact, enjoy their enthusiasm, and ask questions. That moment when you look at them with admiration? They feel it—whether they show it or not.

Beware of Overpraise—and Underpraise

It’s a delicate dance, this business of praise. Too much, and it can feel insincere; too little, and kids may feel invisible. The secret lies in specificity and intention. Instead of constantly saying “Great job!” try something like, “I saw how you kept going, even when the math problem was hard—that was brave.”

For more examples and how to fine-tune your feedback, How to Praise Your Child Without Overdoing It is a great deep dive.

Help Them Rebuild After Social Setbacks

Not all self-esteem dips come from academics. Sometimes confidence issues stem from being left out at school, being teased, or feeling like they don’t fit in. These wounds, especially at this age, go deep. When this happens, your role isn’t to fix it immediately—but to listen, reflect back empathy, and let them know you’re in their corner.

You can explore more about navigating these tough moments in How to Rebuild Your Child’s Confidence After Being Teased.

Sometimes it helps to share stories of your own experiences at their age, not as lectures but as ways to say, “You’re not alone. I’ve been there too.”

Celebrate Small Wins—Together

Don’t wait for the big milestones to validate your child. Celebrate the little things: that time they remembered to bring their homework home, that extra three minutes they stayed focused, or their first attempt to speak up in class. For shy kids, especially, these small steps matter a lot. If you have a reserved child, check out Best Ways to Encourage a Shy Child to Speak Up.

End the day by sharing one thing you’re proud of them for—and one thing you’re proud of yourself for, too. You are their model of self-compassion.

You're Doing Better Than You Think

Building your child’s self-esteem isn’t about orchestrating grand moments of validation. It’s about the daily, often invisible, work of showing up, listening, and choosing connection over correction. Just by reading this article, you’re showing that you care deeply—and that matters more than you know.