Why Praising Effort Matters More Than Praising Results

When "Great Job!" Isn't Always the Right Phrase

You're exhausted. After a full day of work, dinner, and bedtime routines, you're now sitting at the kitchen table watching your child struggle over their math homework. You want to help, to encourage, to make this easier. So you say what feels natural: "You're so smart! You got it right!" It feels right. But what if reinforcing only the correct answer is doing more harm than good?

For parents of kids between 6 and 12—especially those who face learning difficulties, low self-esteem, or school-related anxiety—how we respond to their effort matters more than we often realize. Shifting your praise from outcome-focused to effort-focused may be one of the most powerful changes you can make at home.

The Problem with Praising Results

Children quickly pick up on what earns them praise. If they notice you only get excited when answers are correct or grades are high, they learn that success equals worth. As a result, many begin to avoid challenges altogether. Why risk failure if the only praise comes with perfection?

Think about a child who gets a C on their spelling test despite studying diligently every day. Imagine telling them, “That’s not good enough; you need to aim for an A.” Now contrast that with, “I saw how hard you worked learning those tricky words. That shows real persistence.” Which message will help them bounce back and keep trying next time?

This shift in focus helps children build what psychologists call a growth mindset—the belief that intelligence and abilities can be developed through effort. And that mindset has been shown to foster long-term resilience and motivation.

Need encouragement on helping your child overcome fear of failure? It's a journey, but the language you use can make a major difference.

When Effort-Based Praise Works Best

Sometimes, parents worry that praising effort means ignoring results—but that’s not the case. The idea is to value the process that leads to improvement, not just the endpoint. Here are some moments where effort-based praise becomes especially powerful:

• After a difficult task: When your child perseveres through a tough reading assignment or completes long division without giving up, acknowledge that determination—even if the answers weren't perfect.
• When they show improvement: Rather than just say “You got more right this time,” try “You’ve been practicing every day, and it’s paying off!”
• When they help themselves: “You decided to try that problem on your own before asking for help. That shows confidence!”

This approach tells kids the truth: learning isn’t about being the best; it’s about becoming better.

A Story from My Own Couch (and a Lesson in Reframing)

One evening, my daughter—who’s struggled with reading comprehension—slumped on the couch, holding a history worksheet she didn’t understand. “I'm just bad at this,” she said. Old me might’ve said, “Sure you are, you’re smart! You’ll get it.” But instead, I paused.

“You’ve already read this twice,” I told her, “and you didn’t give up. That’s exactly how strong readers get better.” I also remembered she absorbs stories more easily than written facts, so we used an app where I could turn the lesson into an interactive audio adventure, starring her by name. She listened to it in the car the next morning—and later, explained the assignment back to me. The result? Not just a completed homework sheet, but a small boost of confidence that carried into her week.

Sometimes reframing is just that: transforming the experience of struggle into a story of strength.

How to Encourage Effort Every Day

This doesn't mean false praise or sugarcoating. Children are sharp; they know when encouragement is genuine. To help your words resonate, focus on specificity and process. Instead of saying, “You’re a genius at math,” say:

• “I noticed you stuck with that problem even when it got tricky.”
• “The way you drew pictures to solve that shows real creativity.”
• “Remember when this kind of question used to frustrate you? You’re handling it so much better now.”

Looking for more language tools? Try these positive things to say to your child every day to build their confidence over time.

In a World Focused on Achievement, Be Their Anchor

Whether your child excels or struggles academically, they need to know their effort is seen, valued, and worthy of attention. Let school be the place that grades them; let home be the space that lifts them.

This shift may require unlearning old habits. If you were raised with the belief that results mattered most, rewriting that narrative for your child—and perhaps even for yourself—could feel uncomfortable at first. That’s okay. Kids don’t need us to be perfect; they need us to be present.

And the tools we choose can help support this mindset shift in practical ways. For instance, consider tech that meets your child where they are—like transforming a photo of their lesson into a personalized quiz or audio review, adapted to their pace. These help reinforce the work they put in, making the process itself more rewarding.

And if your child is shy or hesitant to speak up at school? Encouraging their efforts in self-expression can be just as important—this article on helping a shy child speak up explores why.

Planting the Seeds for Lifelong Motivation

Children don’t remember every grade, but they do remember how they felt when they succeeded—and when they struggled. Let’s give them something more valuable than perfect scores: the inner voice that says, “I might not get this yet, but I can keep trying.”

One day, when the homework gets even harder, it won't be the A's that keep them going. It'll be your words echoing in their mind: "You worked hard for this—and that's what matters most."

Need help navigating the grey areas between encouragement and pressure? Here’s a thoughtful read on how to praise your child without overdoing it.