How to Help Children Take Ownership of Their Learning at School

The quiet wish behind every parent's help

Have you ever watched your child slump over their homework as if it weighed a ton? Or maybe you’ve offered to help, only to hear, “I don’t get it,” followed by tears or resistance? You’re not alone. Many parents of 6- to 12-year-olds find themselves stuck in this emotional tug-of-war, trying to support a child who feels disconnected or powerless when it comes to school. But what if, instead of constantly stepping in, we could help our children step up—by making them true participants in their own learning?

Why agency matters more than achievement

At the heart of every successful learner is one powerful feeling: agency. It’s the sense of “this is mine—I know how to do it, or how to ask for help.” When kids feel ownership of their learning, they become more motivated, more curious, and surprisingly, less afraid of failure. Unlike temporary praise or rewards, agency sticks. It shapes how children face challenges for years to come.

But here’s the hard truth: school doesn’t always foster this feeling. It’s fast-paced, structured, and often leaves little room for the child’s voice. As parents, we can’t change the entire system, but we can change what happens before and after school, where learning becomes personal again.

Let your child set the questions, not just answer them

One of the simplest ways to foster agency is to start with curiosity. Instead of always asking your child, “Did you understand your lesson?” try, “What would you ask your teacher if you could pause time?” or, “If you had to teach this to a friend, what part would be hardest to explain?”

Questions like these flip the script. Your child is no longer passively absorbing information—they're engaging with it, shaping it, owning it. You become a partner in discovery rather than a tutor enforcing compliance.

Give them tools that reshape their learning experience

Sometimes agency comes not from what we say, but from the tools our children use to process their world. If your child struggles with written material but lights up when you read a story aloud, consider transforming their lessons into audio. Some families have found that using apps that allow a child to hear or interact with their lessons—especially in narrative formats that use their name and interests—has changed how they relate to content.

For example, some tools allow you to take a photo of your child’s science notes and instantly create a personalized 20-question quiz. Others can narrate their history lesson as an audio adventure, making your child the hero. These features, found in the Skuli App, help children feel like co-creators rather than overwhelmed recipients of information. When the lesson becomes a game or a story starring them, something shifts—from pressure to play, from confusion to curiosity.

Let them lead the conversations about school (and really listen)

Agency thrives when children feel heard. But as you’ve likely noticed, most kids don’t eagerly debrief their school day. That’s not because they have nothing to say—it’s often because they don’t feel in control of the conversation.

Instead of fishing for details (“What did you do in math today?”), try prompts that invite reflection: “What part of today felt too fast or confusing?”, “Did anything surprise you at school?”, or, “Is there anything you'd change about today if you could?”

Curious how to go deeper? Read our article on how to get your child talking about what they like—or don’t—at school or explore why kids find it hard to talk about school in the first place. Creating this kind of space at home signals to your child: “Your thoughts matter. Your feelings are important. You’re not just going through the motions—you have a say.”

Lean into their pace, not the school’s

One of the most powerful things parents can do is step off the race track. If your child is struggling to keep up, it can be tempting to push harder. But sometimes, agency begins with slowing down. Give them time to review yesterday’s math in a way they understand, using methods that work for their brain—whether that’s drawing, talking, or solving puzzles on the kitchen floor.

Kids often feel ashamed when they’re behind, but reframing that moment as a chance to pause and take the wheel reminds them: it’s okay to revisit, to rest, to learn differently. The goal isn't perfect grades in a rigid timeframe. It’s long-term understanding, emotional resilience, and trust in their own ability to figure things out.

If your child often says they're "bored" at school, it might be a signal of disconnect rather than disinterest. Our article on why kids say they’re bored at school dives into this and offers thoughtful ways to respond.

When setbacks happen, invite reflection—not blame

Agency includes the power to reflect and repair. If your child forgets homework, gets a low grade, or daydreams through lessons, avoid rushing to solve it for them. Instead, guide them to ask: "What happened? What could I try differently next time? What would help me remember?" These simple questions turn setbacks into stepping stones.

You don’t need to have all the answers. Your child might not either—at least not right away. But sitting with those questions together, without shame or panic, builds trust and teaches them to navigate challenges as capable learners, not helpless students.

Keep showing up—even when progress feels slow

Helping your child take ownership of learning won’t happen overnight. There will be days when everything clicks, and others when you feel like you’re speaking into a void. That’s okay. Real growth is messy, uneven, and often invisible at first.

But every time you honor your child’s voice, every time you adapt to their unique way of processing information, every time you make space instead of adding pressure, you're planting something powerful: a mindset that says, “I belong in this learning process. I matter here.”

For more on tuning into your child's emotions around school, we invite you to read this deep dive on recognizing and responding to school-related emotions.

In the meantime, take a breath. The fact that you’re reading this means you're already doing the most vital thing: you're paying attention.