5 Reasons Kids Stay Silent About School (And What You Can Do)
Why doesn’t my child talk about school?
You pick them up from school, ask how their day went, and get the same old response: “Fine.” Or worse, a shrug and silence. You try to nudge gently — “What did you do today?” — but the door seems firmly closed. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many 6 to 12-year-olds stop sharing about school, and for parents, this silence can be bewildering… even painful.
As a mom or dad, you’re trying. Between work emails, dinner prep, and bedtime routines, you’re watching closely and hoping they’ll open up. But they don’t. Or not enough. And sometimes, it feels like you're drifting further from a world they spend most of their day in.
Let’s look beyond the silence and try to understand what’s really going on — and how you can gently reopen the door.
1. They Don’t Have the Words Yet
Children often experience big emotions that they haven’t yet learned to name. A math test that made them feel stupid. A classmate who ignored them at lunch. A lesson that went too fast. They might just not know how to explain it — only that something didn’t feel good.
It’s all too easy to assume silence means “nothing happened.” But in truth, it often means “I don’t know how to say it.” That’s where your presence matters more than your questions.
Consider starting with: “You looked kind of quiet today. Was something confusing or upsetting at school?” Naming possible feelings without assuming can help build their emotional vocabulary.
And over time, letting your child create their own narrative helps. In fact, by listening, you show them their perspective is worth hearing — which is often all they need to start finding the words.
2. They’re Protecting You (Yes, Really)
One of the more surprising reasons kids don’t share about school is a quiet desire to protect you. Some children, especially sensitive ones, feel your stress. If you’ve had arguments about homework or worried talks with teachers, they may withhold information to keep the peace.
“I didn’t want to make you more stressed,” one 10-year-old told her mom after weeks of hiding that she had been falling behind in reading. The secrecy wasn’t rebellion. It was love and fear — tangled together.
Understanding this protective instinct can be heart-wrenching, but it also brings clarity. Your child is responding not just to what you say, but how they think you’ll feel. Showing calm curiosity over criticism can reshape conversations entirely.
3. They Feel Invisible at School
Some silence doesn’t come from inside the home — it starts in the classroom. Children who quietly fall through the cracks, who aren’t called on or praised or noticed, often internalize the feeling that what they experience isn’t important. So they stop talking about it altogether.
It may not be outright bullying or bad grades. It could just be weeks of feeling like a ghost in a busy room. If your child always says “nothing happened,” maybe that’s because, in their eyes, nothing ever does.
Helping your child feel seen at school can begin at home — not by fixing everything for them, but by anchoring their sense of worth in the small moments. Ask them how they helped someone today, or what part of the day made them curious.
And if lessons are speeding ahead without them, offering a new way to re-engage can be empowering. For example, some families have turned lesson notes into personalized audio adventures where the child is the hero — using tools like Skuli, which turn the child’s own name and lesson content into something they want to talk about (and feel proud of).
4. They’re Tired — Really Tired
One of the least dramatic and most overlooked reasons for after-school silence is simple: children are exhausted. School days are long marathons of sitting still, navigating expectations, and following complicated social cues. When they get home, they don’t always have the energy to rewind the whole thing aloud.
Try not to take this personally. Consider switching your timing: instead of asking about school the moment they walk out the door, give them a buffer. Ask during low-pressure moments — brushing hair before bed, sharing a snack, or listening to music together.
Some kids talk more in the car than face-to-face. And if your child is an auditory learner, you might find that turning school lessons into audio they can revisit in the car helps them process and reflect later — especially if apps like Skuli let them listen to school content on their own terms, in their own voice.
5. They Don’t Believe You’ll Understand
This one is especially painful. Children, particularly those who struggle academically or socially, may feel that sharing won’t help — either because past attempts led to lectures, dismissal (“just ignore them”), or because it’s hard to believe an adult could really ‘get it.’
If your child has felt brushed off in the past, rebuilding trust takes patience. Make space for their voice. Instead of solutions, offer empathy — “That sounds like it really didn’t feel fair. Do you want to talk more about it or just let it go for now?”
When kids know you’re not rushing to fix things, they're more willing to open up. Confidence grows when children feel heard instead of corrected.
It’s not about prying. It’s about opening the door.
Your child’s silence doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. It means they’re human — navigating a world that’s bigger, harder, and more confusing than we tend to remember. Your warmth, your patience, and your presence are powerful tools.
Sometimes, tools like the Skuli app — which transform school lessons into stories, quizzes, or audio formats — can be the bridge between the classroom and your kitchen table. When your child feels more ownership over what they’re learning, they may feel more ready to share what's going on behind the scenes.
School doesn’t stop at the bell. And opening up doesn't always happen with a question. Sometimes it starts with a story. Or a quiet moment. Or your simple choice… to just be there, ready, when they’re ready to talk.