Why Mental Overload Affects Girls More Often — And What Parents Can Do

When Did My Daughter Start Carrying So Much?

You noticed it one evening as you peeked into her room—the dim light over her desk, shoulders hunched, her pencil frozen mid-word. Her planner brims with due dates, her mind with worries. And despite being only ten, something about her demeanor reminds you too much of grown-up burnout. You're not alone in wondering: why does school-related stress seem to weigh more heavily on girls?

The Invisible Load Our Girls Bear

Research and lived experiences consistently point to a troubling pattern: girls, especially between the ages of 6 and 12, often take on more emotional and mental responsibility, both in schoolwork and in their social lives. They aim to meet expectations—those of teachers, parents, and even their own internal drive for perfection. This drive can quickly turn into a heavy backpack they can't set down.

While boys may express stress more outwardly through restlessness or avoidance, many girls internalize it. They become quiet achievers, anxious studiers, and compliant daughters who've learned there's praise in being "good"—but only if they're performing flawlessly.

A Story That Might Sound Familiar

Take Léa, age 9. Her teachers call her delightful—a model student. Her mother sees the other side: the tears after a 9/10, the refusal to go to bed before finishing every bit of homework twice, the stomach aches every Monday morning. No one told Léa to be perfect; somehow, she decided it for herself.

It's a subtle, social kind of pressure. Girls are more likely to be praised for orderliness, helpfulness, and empathy. These traits are beautiful—but when wrapped tightly with high academic expectations, especially from an early age, they can build what experts now refer to as mental overload or surcharge mentale.

Breaking the Myth: High Achievement Doesn’t Have to Hurt

One critical step is helping both girls and parents disentangle ambition from anxiety. Just because a child performs well doesn’t mean she’s coping well. As parents, it’s hard to step back when a child is succeeding academically but emotionally unraveling. But that’s exactly when we must take a closer look.

In this article about gifted but exhausted children, we explore how unchecked expectations—even when self-imposed—can leave young learners drained. The aim is not to lower their potential, but to protect it.

Understanding the Gendered Side of Stress

According to several psychological studies, girls are more attuned to emotional cues from adults and peers. They tend to seek harmony and approval more than boys their age, which can compound their stress.

Add to that the social pressures of appearance, fitting in, and being likable—and you’ve got a perfect storm of pressures that crowd their inner landscape before they even hit middle school.

To respond to this, we must create safe environments—emotionally, cognitively, and structurally—where doing their best doesn’t mean giving up peace of mind.

What You Can Do at Home — Beyond Just Asking “Are You Okay?”

Here are some routes that have helped other families untangle the threads of good intentions wrapped around too much pressure:

1. Rethink the Homework Space: Don’t let homework swallow the evening. If your daughter feels ‘behind’ but has already spent an hour on homework, it’s okay—better even—to pause. A walk around the block, a five-minute dance break, or a quiet snack on the balcony can work wonders. In fact, active breaks are shown to help kids reset their minds and bodies.

2. Listen for Self-Blame: If you hear phrases like “I’m just bad at math” or “I’ll ruin my project again,” don’t rush to reassure. Pause, connect, and gently explore. Ask, "What makes you feel that way?" Often this opens the door to honest conversations—even if they’re messy at first.

3. Make Learning Feel Less Like a Test: If your daughter lights up when she plays or listens to stories, lean into that. Some parents have found relief by converting their child’s notes into auditory formats—like during car rides or while brushing teeth—to avoid overloaded evening study sessions. One app, Skuli, allows parents to snap a photo of a lesson and transform it into a personalized audio adventure where the child becomes the hero of the story. For auditory learners or those who just need a bit of play with their pressure, this subtle shift can deflate the intensity of studying.

Let Her Be More Than Her Report Card

Your daughter may be smart, kind, driven, and dependable—but she is also allowed to be tired, silly, unsure, and even disengaged at times. Redefining success at home is powerful. Let hard work be just one part of the tapestry—not the only thread.

You can explore how to align her schoolwork with her natural rhythm in this guide on respecting biological rhythms. When a child functions at their natural pace, instead of a rigid schoolwork treadmill, you often witness better concentration and more joy.

When to Seek Outside Support

There are moments when stress goes beyond what can be handled at the dinner table. If your daughter is experiencing prolonged mood swings, significant appetite changes, frequent meltdowns over small tasks, or emotional withdrawal, it’s time to consult a pediatrician or child psychologist.

School should never feel toxic. If it currently does, this article on the mental health impacts of school environments may help you advocate more effectively.

The Gift of Being Seen

More than solutions, our girls need reflection. They need to know that someone notices—not just their grades, but the weight they quietly carry. Let her see that her worth is not conditional. Sometimes, the biggest relief comes simply from no longer being invisible in her struggle.

And when you feel at a loss, this deep-dive into supporting kids under school-related stress can steady your own steps too.

Because helping her doesn’t mean solving everything. It means walking beside her, lightening the load where you can—and reminding her that some burdens were never hers to carry in the first place.