What to Say When Your 10-Year-Old Thinks Everyone Else Is Better Than Them

“I’m just not as smart as the others…”

If you’ve ever heard your child say something like this, you probably felt a mixture of sadness, frustration, and a deep desire to fix it. A 10-year-old who believes they’re not good enough carries that weight into every subject, every group project, every class presentation. And yet, many parents don’t quite know what to say in these moments—because, really, what can you say when your child genuinely believes they don’t measure up?

The truth is, the answer isn’t in one conversation. It’s in many. Over time. It’s in the way we speak about effort, how we handle mistakes, and the atmosphere we create at home. If your son or daughter is struggling with self-worth in school, you are not alone—and this isn’t a “quick fix” situation. But it is one where your support can make a world of difference.

Understanding Where These Beliefs Come From

At around age 10, children become especially attuned to their peers. Comparison becomes more frequent. They begin noticing when others seem to finish their work faster, get higher scores, or receive more praise. Without the tools to process this complex social information, kids often default to a simple, but destructive, belief: "I'm not as good."

Some children are more sensitive than others. A child who learns at a different pace or in a different style may look around the classroom and assume something’s wrong with them. And in a school system that often prizes speed, neatness, or correctness over curiosity, these quiet conclusions can become deeply rooted.

Watch How You Respond—And What They Hear

In your effort to encourage, be careful not to rush in with “You’re amazing!” or “Of course you’re smart!” While well-intentioned, compliments like these can sometimes feel dismissive—especially to a child who’s convinced they’re not enough. In fact, research shows that the wrong kind of praise can actually backfire.

Try instead to ask questions that invite reflection: “What part of this was hard for you?” or “Was there a moment today you felt proud of yourself?” Subtle shifts like this help redirect focus away from how they compare to others and toward their own growth.

Focus on the Journey, Not the Grade

It’s tempting to celebrate the outcome—an A+, a first-place ribbon, a glowing note from the teacher. These things feel like tangible proof that our child is “doing well.” But one of the most powerful gifts you can give your child is to focus on the effort, not the result.

How you respond to setbacks matters even more. If your child studied and still struggled, acknowledge the work they put in. Say things like, “I saw how much time you dedicated to this. That determination is what builds new skills.” For more on this, here’s a deeper look at how to shift your focus from results to effort.

Change the Environment

Some kids simply don’t thrive in the standard classroom structure. If your child learns best by moving, hearing, or doing, sitting at a desk with a worksheet may not reflect their true potential. That doesn’t mean they’re “less than”—it means their learning style deserves to be honored.

One parent shared how her son, Alex, would mentally check out during reading assignments. But when stories were read aloud in the car or became silly adventures in which he was the main character, his focus and confidence skyrocketed. Turning academic material into something interactive and tailored can reduce anxiety and help a child feel seen. (Apps like Skuli, for instance, let you turn written lessons into engaging audio adventures using your child’s first name—ideal for kids who otherwise feel like school was made for “someone else.”)

Rebuilding Confidence Step by Step

Helping your child shed the belief that they’re somehow less capable will take gentle repetition. Instead of telling them how great they are (which they might not believe), show them through shared experiences of success. This might mean:

• Breaking homework into small, doable steps—and celebrating each one.
• Using creative tools to review lessons in a pressure-free way (like turning a photo of the lesson into a fun quiz).
• Giving them real, practical roles at home that show their capability—like explaining a topic to a sibling or helping plan a family event.

Also, remember that building confidence doesn’t only happen at school. Adventures, challenges, and problem-solving outside the classroom are just as important in helping children see themselves as capable and strong.

What to Say When They’re Feeling Down

When your child says something heartbreaking, like “Everyone’s better than me,” don’t rush to convince them otherwise. Instead, sit with them in their emotion. Say, “It sounds like you’re comparing yourself a lot lately. That can be really hard.” Then, gently guide: “Want to walk through what happened today together?”

Over time, teach them to question their inner critic. Help them develop a more balanced voice. You might say, “Okay, so math was tough today. But you also helped your friend finish their project—and that took kindness and teamwork. That counts, too.”

You can explore more about how to reshape these inner beliefs in this article on helping kids afraid to fail.

Your Steady Belief Means Everything

At the end of the day, your child needs one thing above all else: a steady, calm belief in who they are becoming. Not in their grades. Not in their performance. But in them.

Even if your child doesn’t seem to “hear” your encouragement right away, keep going. Keep noticing what they do well. Keep showing up with empathy. Because at 10 years old, the world feels big and their place in it uncertain—and knowing they can return to your unconditional support will always be their greatest source of strength.

And if you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember: it’s okay to seek help and tools where you need them. Confidence can be built in unexpected places—even during a car ride home, with the right story in their ears.