What to Do When Your Child Gives Up After Making a Mistake

Recognizing the Weight Behind a Simple Mistake

You're sitting with your child at the kitchen table. Math homework is spread in front of them, but something isn't right. They’ve made a small mistake on a multiplication problem—and now their pencil is on the floor, fists are clenched, and they’re crying, “I can’t do anything right!” You’re left wondering how one wrong answer could lead to so much discouragement.

You're not alone. Many parents of children aged 6 to 12 witness this kind of emotional crash when their child hits an obstacle. Often, it’s not about the mistake itself, but the story that mistake tells them: "I'm not smart," "I'm never going to get this," or even "Everyone else gets it except me." The good news? These beliefs aren’t fixed. More importantly, you have a critical role in gently reshaping them.

Mistakes Are a Mirror—Not a Measure of Worth

One of the hardest but most valuable shifts we can help our children make is seeing mistakes not as proof they aren’t good enough, but as evidence they are learning. Think about it—in your own life, when have you grown the most? Chances are, it was during times when things didn’t go perfectly.

Children don’t yet have the perspective to see mistakes in this way. But they watch how we react. A calm response from you—something like, “Ah, we missed one. Let’s look at it together”—teaches them it's safe to falter. It’s not about removing the mistake, but removing the shame attached to it.

The Hidden Fear Beneath the Surface

When a child spirals after an error, ask yourself: is this truly about the mistake, or about what they’re telling themselves after it happens?

This kind of reaction often signals a deeper fear of failure—a silent belief that their value is tied to getting things right. Performance becomes more important than learning, and risk-taking feels like a threat.

If your child avoids trying again, dreads new challenges, or even refuses to begin homework unless they’re sure they’re right, you might be seeing this fear play out.

Turning Frustration into Resilience

How do we support a child who gives up the moment they stumble? The answer lies in building something that seems small but is powerfully foundational: emotional resilience. Here are several layers to consider:

1. Model Your Own Growth Mindset

Your child watches closely. When something goes wrong in your day—burnt dinner, forgotten appointment—acknowledge it without self-criticism. Try saying, “Oops! That didn’t go how I planned. Let’s see what I can do differently next time.” This opens a door to normalizing errors and bouncing back from them.

2. Celebrate Effort More Than Accuracy

It might feel instinctive to cheer when your child gets all their spelling words correct. But there’s deeper magic in saying, “I noticed how hard you tried on that tricky word—we’ll keep practicing that one together.” This shifts the spotlight from being right to being engaged.

Research shows that praising effort fosters what's called a growth mindset—the belief that abilities can improve over time. A child with this mindset is more willing to try, even when it's hard. More on fostering that idea here.

3. Create Safe Opportunities to Struggle

Yes, safe struggle. Some challenge is essential—but too much, and it becomes overwhelming. Set up tasks that are just at the edge of your child’s comfort zone. Let them wrestle gently. Be present—not to swoop in—but to cheer them on as they persist. You’re not doing the work for them, but you’re a steady hand on the back.

4. Make Learning Feel Playful Again

If a child associates learning with moments of panic or shame, it’s hard to stay motivated. That’s why it’s important to weave humor, storytelling, and play into learning—especially after a tough day at school. For example, during a car ride or before bedtime, try turning today’s reading or science lesson into a story where they are the main character navigating an adventure. Some tools—like the Skuli App—now even let you transform a school lesson into an audio adventure starring your child by name. It’s not about ignoring the curriculum; it’s about changing their emotional experience of it.

When They Give Up, What Should You Say?

In moments of crisis, we often reach for solutions (“It's not hard, just try again!”) or reassurance (“You're smart!”). But sometimes, what helps most is offering presence instead of pressure. Try:

• “I see that you're upset. This is tough, isn’t it?”
• “You made a mistake—and that’s okay. What could we try differently?”
• “You don’t have to get it perfect. Let’s explore it together.”

These responses validate the emotion without feeding the drama. They also signal that mistakes are both allowed and recoverable.

Becoming Their Anchor, Not Their Fixer

As a parent, your job isn’t to cushion your child from every hard moment but to walk with them through it. When they give up, you offer your calm. When they doubt themselves, you lend them belief until they can build their own.

It takes time—but slowly, with your support, they can reframe what it means to get something wrong. It becomes less about what they did—and more about who they are becoming: someone brave enough to try again.

If you’re wondering where to go next, you might explore this compassionate reflection on how to encourage your child to try without fear, or dive deeper into rebuilding confidence after school setbacks.