How to Encourage Your Child to Try Without Fear of Failing

Understanding Your Child’s Fear of Failure

When your child hesitates to raise their hand in class, avoids starting homework, or insists they “can’t” even before trying — what you're witnessing may be more than procrastination or laziness. For many children between 6 and 12, the silent, heavy burden of fearing failure can cast a long shadow over their love of learning.

This fear doesn’t always show up as visible anxiety. Sometimes, it appears as perfectionism, anger, withdrawal, or even goofing off. It’s important to understand what’s happening under the surface. Fear of failure in children is very real, and it has deep emotional roots — often tied to self-worth, past experiences, or pressure (real or perceived) to perform.

Trying Feels Risky — But It Can Be Safe at Home

Think about it: school is one of the few places where trying and getting it wrong happens in public, in front of peers, teachers, maybe even siblings. Unless a child feels emotionally safe — like they won’t be judged or shamed for mistakes — they’ll naturally avoid taking risks. That includes the risk of simply trying.

At home, however, you have the power to create a different kind of space: a lab, a nest, a haven. A place where trial doesn’t automatically mean judgment. Where effort is valued more than perfect results.

Start by examining your own reactions. When your child gets a poor grade, fumbles a spelling word, or melts into frustration after a tough math problem, how do you respond? Children are hypersensitive to the messages in our tone, body language, and comments — even when we mean well.

Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome

“You worked so hard on this!” is more powerful than “You’re so smart.” One celebrates effort, the other labels fixed traits. Effort-based praise teaches children that what matters most is the trying.

If your child avoids tasks because they're scared to get it wrong, shift how you talk about mistakes. Normalize them. Share your own flops. Laugh, if it feels right. Help your child reframe those “mess-ups” as discovery points, not final proof of failure.

One mom shared how her daughter crumpled up an art project because it didn’t “look right.” Instead of correcting her, the mom sat down, got out her own pencil, and said, “Want to see how many wrong turns I have to take before I draw a decent cat?” Together, they made a page full of wildly funny “oops” cats. The lesson stuck.

Children need regular, living proof that learning is bumpy — and deeply human. That they’re not alone.

Make Trying Itself Rewarding

You can’t force a child to feel brave, but you can invite them gently into new experiences where the stakes are low and discovery is high. Sometimes, the best way through their fear is to make learning feel less like “school” and more like play.

One powerful approach? Personalization. Kids are far more willing to try when the material feels like it's made just for them. That’s one reason some parents use learning tools creatively — for example, turning a written lesson into a short audio adventure where their child is the main character. The Skuli app, available on iOS and Android, can actually transform a lesson into a personalized story, using your child’s own name and voice narration. It might seem small, but hearing “you” in a story about fractions or volcanoes lights up a child's curiosity and lowers their fear about getting it wrong. Now, they're playing a part — not just answering a question.

Let Them Lead (Even Just a Little)

Children often feel like they have no control in school. The topics are chosen for them. How they learn, when they study, or how success is defined — all is dictated. But when they have a degree of autonomy, their inner motivation grows.

So instead of always dictating the how and when, invite them to choose — with guidance. “Do you want to review this with music on or off?” “Would it help to talk through this out loud or draw a sketch?” “Want to do three questions now, then the rest after dinner?”

When kids feel a sense of agency, they’re more motivated to try — and less afraid of what the outcome means.

When Things Don't Go Well

Trying doesn’t always lead to success. Sometimes, your child will do their best and still fall short. This is where your response carries enormous weight.

Don’t rush to fix or over-cheerlead. Instead, sit with the feeling. Name it (“I can see you’re really disappointed”), validate it, and then guide your child gently toward reflection: “Is there anything you learned from this that might help next time?” or “What was the hardest part for you?”

Helping kids process setbacks with emotional support and calm reflection builds resilience. Over time, this gradually weakens the link in their brain between 'failure' and 'danger.'

If your child finds school setbacks especially crushing, this practical guide on comforting anxious kids after failure may be helpful to explore further.

Your Calm Is Their Anchor

You’re not expected to have all the answers. Just showing up, staying steady, and believing in your child’s ability to grow — even (and especially) when they believe in themselves least — is transformative. You are their emotional compass.

Remember: the goal isn’t to help your child avoid mistakes, but to build a relationship with learning that is curious, courageous, and grounded in self-worth — no matter the final grade.

To deepen your insight, understanding how fear of failure shapes your child's self-esteem is a powerful next step.

And always, always remind them: trying isn't proof of weakness. It's the bravest act of all.