Understanding the 'Disruptive' Student: What’s Really Going On Beneath the Surface?

When Your Child Is the One Who “Can’t Sit Still”

It’s that sinking feeling at parent-teacher conferences. The teacher uses words like "disruptive," "needs to focus," or "can’t sit still." You smile politely, but inside, you’re exhausted. You’ve tried talking, consequences, routines. Still, there’s a note sent home, a call from school, a sigh from the teacher. You’re not alone.

The word “turbulent” or “disruptive” tells only a fraction of the story. For many children between 6 and 12, especially those who struggle with learning or self-regulation, their behavior is their way of asking for help. Not because they want to defy adults—but because they’re overloaded, confused, bored, misunderstood, or trying their best in a system that wasn’t designed for them.

The Label That Hides the Need

Emily, a mom of a bright but restless 8-year-old named Josh, shared her story recently. Josh had already been moved to the front of the class, lost multiple recesses, and been reprimanded more times than Emily could count. “He’s not mean,” she told me. “But every day, something goes wrong—and I feel like every day, he’s told he is ‘wrong.’”

Josh wasn’t just seeking attention. He was overwhelmed during long lectures, distracted by classroom noise, and quick to act when he didn’t understand instructions. Struggling with instructions often makes kids feel lost, and acting out can be a cover for deeper insecurities.

We must shift the question from “Why is my child behaving this way?” to “What is my child’s behavior trying to tell me?” It's a subtle change—but a powerful one. Because every action, even the loud or chaotic ones, stems from a need, an emotional trigger, or an academic frustration.

Disruption or Expression?

Sometimes, what's labeled as disruption is actually self-expression or a response to misalignment with the learning environment. Highly sensitive children, for example, can experience sensory overload. Others might be gifted in specific areas and feel unchallenged, leading to boredom-driven antics.

Before rushing to correct a behavior, pause and ask: Is my child reacting to inner discomfort, external stimulation, or unmet needs? Explore how sensitivity shows up in children’s behavior to better understand what's beneath the surface.

The Challenge of Being “Different” in a Traditional Classroom

Many schools rely on rigid structures that don’t accommodate all brains. The systems reward the quiet, compliant student—one who doesn’t rock the boat. But creativity, intensity, and even impulsivity often go unvalued, especially when they don’t fit the mold.

Research shows that children who learn differently are more likely to be seen as "problem students." These students are often punished instead of supported, not because they’re incapable, but because their needs haven't been properly addressed.

Is your child simply being too much for a too-narrow system?

Bridging the Gap with Creative Solutions

The good news is, supports exist—and they don’t have to mean more homework or longer nights at the table. Children who are labeled "turbulent" often learn best through movement, sound, storytelling, or one-on-one attention. Meeting them where they are—that's the key.

One parent told us she started using audio learning during car rides to school. Her 10-year-old son, previously resistant to homework, began recalling details from the lesson thanks to stories where he was the hero. It turned out listening—not reading—was his best learning channel. Apps like Skuli, which can transform written lessons into personalized audio stories using your child's first name, are a gentle way to re-engage a frustrated learner.

You don’t have to replicate the classroom at home. You just need tools that help your child feel connected and competent again.

How to Reframe and Reconnect

Here are a few guiding ideas for rethinking your child’s so-called disruptive behavior:

• Validate first, always. “It’s hard to sit still when you have so many thoughts in your head,” can go a long way in building trust.
• Get curious, not furious. When you hear about an incident at school, ask, “What were you feeling at that moment?” instead of jumping to discipline.
• Look for patterns. Is the behavior happening during math class, transitions, or group work? Often, the trigger is hidden in the routine.
• Offer safe outlets. Movement breaks, quiet corners for regrouping, and visual supports are not rewards—they are tools to help your child self-regulate.

Most importantly, advocate without apologizing. Your child isn’t broken. They’re just growing in a world that’s still learning how to welcome all kinds of minds.

Moving Forward With Compassion

When you zoom out, the term “turbulent” becomes less about defiance and more about disconnection. Children act out when they feel misunderstood, out of sync, or invisible. Your role as a parent is not to extinguish the behavior—but to understand its message and help your child express it in safer ways.

And remember, what may seem like disruption today could very well be assertiveness, leadership, or innovation taking root—if given the right environment to flourish.

If this feels like the story of your child, you’re not alone. Understanding the real needs behind school behavior is the first step toward helping them thrive—in school, and beyond.