Struggling With Homework? Maybe Your Child Just Doesn’t Know Where to Start

"He just won’t start..." Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever watched your child stare blankly at their open workbook, you know the frustration. You remind them again. And again. And again. Still, nothing happens. Maybe they grab a snack. Or suddenly “need” to organize their pencils. Or, with wide eyes and full confidence, claim: “I can’t.”

For many parents, it’s easy to hear this as defiance or laziness. But what if it’s not? What if your child isn’t unwilling—but overwhelmed? The truth is, children often don’t complete their homework not because they don’t want to, but because they genuinely don’t know how to begin.

Overwhelm: The Invisible Wall

When we as adults face a complex task—taxes, planning a trip, repairing the Wi-Fi—we break it down. We take one logical step, then another. But for children, especially those with learning differences, executive functioning challenges, or anxiety, even figuring out the first step can feel like climbing a mountain.

Your child may look at a list of vocabulary words or a math sheet and experience what adults might feel when presented with a blank tax form in a language they barely speak. It’s not laziness. It’s paralysis. Sometimes what looks like laziness is really a cry for help.

Start With How They Feel, Not What They Know

Instead of beginning with, “Why haven’t you started?” try asking, “How are you feeling about this assignment?” You may be surprised. They might say:

• “I don’t know what to do first.”
• “It’s too much.”
• “I’ll get it wrong.”

This opens a door to a deeper conversation. Is the assignment unclear? Has something shaken their confidence at school? Is this really about the homework—or something else entirely? Children’s behaviors often speak louder than their words.

Build a Ritual for "Getting Started"

One of the most helpful things you can offer your child is structure—especially around how homework begins. Think of it less as “homework time” and more as “launch time.” The goal isn’t doing everything, but taking that first meaningful step.

Here are a few ideas that have worked for other families:

• Choose a consistent start time. Keep it predictable. Our brains love routine, especially when facing something difficult.
• Break the assignment into visible chunks. Use sticky notes over parts of a worksheet or set short goals (“Finish question one,” then pause).
• Use their strengths. Some kids learn better by listening. If your child responds well to stories, consider transforming their lesson into an audio adventure where they star as the hero—something you can now do easily with tools like the Skuli app, which personalizes learning in playful, immersive ways.
• Celebrate movement, not completion. Cheering the very act of starting makes it easier to try again tomorrow.

Put Your Child in the Driver’s Seat

It’s tempting to hover. To double-check every answer. To narrate every step. But while support is essential, children also need to feel ownership over their process. One way to do this is by letting your child choose their starting point. Ask: “Which subject do you want to begin with?” or “Would you rather read or do math first?”

Giving a sense of control lowers stress, increases engagement, and builds a sense of agency they can carry into school—and life.

Create a Safe Place to (Gently) Struggle

Part of learning is not knowing. That’s hard for kids, especially in a world where they’re often compared to others in school. When children feel like mistakes will lead to judgment or punishment, they avoid the work entirely.

Remind your child that your home is the safest place to try, and fail, and try again. Acknowledge their effort before evaluating correctness. When mistakes happen, explore them together with curiosity. (“What made you think that? What could be another way?”)

And when teachers start sharing concerns—perhaps about behavior or attitude—explore the deeper dynamics at play beyond just disrespect. Often, the ability to start, focus, and follow through reflects complex emotional landscapes.

When School Feels Too Big for One Small Kid

We sometimes forget how tall the walls of school can feel—especially for a child who doesn’t learn “the usual way.” In these cases, there’s profound power in recognizing, and celebrating, different paths through the curriculum.

If your child learns better aloud, why not read the lesson together in the car? If visual focus is an issue, try turning a photo of the worksheet into an interactive review—one question at a time, in their own learning rhythm. When tools serve the child, instead of the other way around, progress becomes possible.

Above all, let your child know: they’re not broken. They’re not behind. Their brain might just need a different entry point into the learning process. And that’s not only okay—it’s powerful. Every child deserves to feel confident in their own learning style.

It Starts With the First Step

So the next time your child says, “I can’t start,” try replying not with instruction, but with presence: “Let’s figure out where to begin—together.”

Because sometimes the hardest part of learning isn’t the answer, but simply knowing where—and how—to take that first gentle step forward.