My Child Finds School Hard: How to Help Them Open Up

When school becomes a silent struggle

You glance at your child after school—shoulders slumped, eyes averted, quick to disappear into their room. You ask, "How was your day?" And as always, the answer comes: "Fine." But something feels off. Deep down, you sense that school is a burden rather than a place of learning and growth for them.

If you're a parent of a child between 6 and 12, you've likely stood in this uncertain, aching space—knowing that your child is struggling with school, but unsure how to help them talk about it. You might feel helpless, even frustrated. But trust this: the fact that you’re reading this, searching for a way in, means you’re already doing something powerful.

Why children don’t talk about school struggles

Let’s begin by acknowledging a difficult truth: children often won’t start the conversation, especially when their experiences at school involve confusion, shame, or overwhelm. Whether it's academic stress, social dynamics, or undiagnosed learning difficulties, many kids opt for silence—not because they want to hide things from us, but because they fear disappointing us or feel they should "just get it right."

In this piece on why kids stay silent about school, we unpack common reasons children bottle things up. Among the deepest of them is this: they think we won’t understand. They think we’ll lecture, fix, or compare. Or they’ve tried before and felt unheard.

Listening before helping

Imagine your child is carrying an invisible backpack, stuffed full of unspoken thoughts: "I'm the slowest in class," "Why can't I read like the others?" or even "My teacher doesn't like me." That backpack gets heavier with each day they don’t talk about it.

So the first step is releasing your own instinct to problem-solve—and learning to just be present. In this article on listening to build confidence, we walk through how simply hearing your child without judgment helps them begin to trust not only you, but their own voice.

Try setting a calm, safe moment—maybe while making dinner or driving—when your child is more likely to open up. Instead of asking “How was school?”, try one of these:

• "What was the most confusing thing today?"
• "Was there a moment when you wished someone noticed how you felt?"
• "If today had a movie title, what would it be?"

And when they hesitate—because they will—sit in the silence. Don’t rush to fill it. When children see that someone can wait with them in discomfort without pressure, they slowly begin to speak.

Reframing failure as courage

One mother I spoke with shared how her 8-year-old daughter would burst into tears at the word “math.” They’d fight over homework almost nightly. But one evening, instead of lecturing or helping with the worksheet, the mom simply said, "It seems like you feel small when math shows up. That must be hard." The tears came again, but this time—with them, came words. Her daughter finally admitted, “I feel dumb compared to the other kids.”

This moment shifted everything. Together, they began to reframe mistakes not as signs of failure but as courage in action. Mistakes meant effort. Effort meant growth. Let your child know that school is not a place for perfection—it’s a place for practice.

Helping your child regain power in their own narrative

When a child feels like they’re failing, they often feel invisible—not just to their teacher or classmates, but even to themselves. One way to start healing that is by inviting them back into the story as the main character of their own learning journey.

Children between 6 and 12 thrive on imagination and play—so why not use that as a bridge to difficult topics? Turning academic challenges into a story can help. For instance, there are now tools like the Skuli app, which can transform a lesson into a personalized audio adventure where your child becomes the hero—complete with their own name. Listening to themselves conquer a math quest or explore a grammar jungle can reshape how they see school—not as a series of failures, but as adventures to be explored with courage.

Making school feel safe again

Ultimately, you can’t do the learning for them—but you can walk beside them as they navigate it. If they feel they don’t belong in the classroom, ask yourself: what does belonging look like at home? Do they feel safe asking questions, making mistakes, being messy in front of you?

This article on helping kids feel seen explores ways parents can create a sense of visibility and affirmation at home, especially when school becomes a place of invisibility.

In your words, tone, silence, and presence, you’re sending powerful messages: "You’re safe here. You don’t have to get it right to be loved. Talking about what’s hard won’t make me love you less—it helps me understand you more."

The long game of trust and connection

No single conversation will solve it all. But over time, with your patient listening and gentle invitations, your child may come to see school not just as a challenge, but as a space they can talk about—without fear. Even when it’s difficult. Especially then.

Parents often wonder: Do kids even open up these days? The truth? They do—but only in safe spaces. Your home, with your presence and curiosity, can be that space. And when your child speaks, however haltingly, be ready. You’ve already done the hardest part: showing up with love.