Is Your Child’s Voice Truly Heard at School?

When School Becomes a Silent Struggle

Imagine this: your child comes home from school, tosses their backpack on the floor, and retreats to their room without a word. You ask, "How was school?" and get the all-too-familiar response—"Fine." You try again: "Anything interesting happen today?" Shrug. Silence. It’s not that they don’t have anything to say—it’s that they don’t feel it’s worth saying. Or worse, they tried to be heard at school and felt dismissed.

Many parents tell me they feel stuck in this limbo—their kids are carrying emotional or academic burdens, but they won’t (or can’t) put them into words. This becomes even more pressing when a child is experiencing learning challenges, falling behind at school, or doubting their ability to learn. In these moments, their voice—how they express themselves, what they say about what they’ve learned, felt, or struggled with—matters more than ever. But is anyone really listening?

The Hidden Power of a Child’s School Voice

Children's thoughts about their experiences at school—what we’ll call their "school voice"—are surprisingly rich. What they say (and how they say it) can reveal struggles that go beyond what shows up on report cards or in parent-teacher conferences. But their words aren’t always given the weight they deserve.

One mother I spoke to shared how her 9-year-old had been telling his teacher for months, “I don’t understand the math; it doesn’t make sense when you explain it that way.” The response? “Just work harder.” By the time she found out, her son had shut down entirely in math class. His voice had been present, but not valued. This is not an uncommon story. Often, kids do try to explain what they need—just not in the ways adults are expecting.

Listening, truly listening, to our children’s school voice means paying attention not only to what they say, but also how they say it—through their emotions, their behavior, and even what they leave unsaid. You can explore more about this in our guide on how oral expression impacts your child’s well-being at school.

Why Some Kids Stop Talking About School

For many children, especially between ages 6 and 12, school becomes a performance. They may feel pressure to get things right, to please their teachers and parents, and to avoid embarrassment. When they fail, fumble, or don’t grasp a lesson as quickly as others, it can impact not only their self-confidence but also their willingness to speak up.

It’s no surprise that school-related questions often provoke shutdown. “What did you learn today?” can sound like a quiz. Even well-meaning curiosity can feel like judgment if a child is already unsure of themselves. If this dynamic sounds familiar, you might find relief in this thoughtful article on how to encourage your child to talk about school without interrogating them.

Creating the Space for Authentic Expression

Children need safe containers to express what they’re going through—without fear of correction, dismissal, or pity. Sometimes, it's easier for them to talk while doing something else—drawing, riding in the car, walking the dog. Other times, they need a bridge between what’s in their heads and what they’re able to say—like a story, a question, a fictional character.

Storytelling can play a powerful role here. In fact, storytelling can help your child open up about school in ways that surprise you. When a child hears about another little girl who feels anxious before a math test, or a boy who is nervous to speak up in class, they may recognize themselves—and feel less alone. Sharing stories, whether fictional or from our own school experiences, can unlock doors that direct questions never will.

Some tools, like the Skuli App, even turn school lessons into audio adventures where your child becomes the hero of the story, hearing their own name as they navigate challenges similar to theirs. These personalized narratives do more than teach—they support emotional connection. When kids experience themselves as capable and listened to in these stories, they’re often more willing to share how they feel in real life.

How to Tell If Your Child Feels Heard

Look for signs beyond words. Does your child seem lighter after you've talked—or heavier? Do they continue the conversation later, or change the subject quickly? Being heard doesn't always look like eye contact and long exchanges. Sometimes, it’s them sighing with relief, or simply saying, “Thanks for listening.”

Creating a rhythm of low-pressure check-ins can make all the difference. You might agree on a weekly "Talk-and-Treat Friday," where you get ice cream together and talk about the week—with no pressure or corrections. You might even adopt rituals like journaling or voice notes, allowing your child to speak or write freely, knowing you’ll read or listen attentively.

For children who have a hard time verbalizing what’s on their mind, it helps to give them tools that match their mode of learning. If your child learns better by listening, you might consider turning their written lessons into audio so they can review while drawing or lying in bed. This kind of sensory alignment can make them feel truly seen and understood.

What Happens When Their Voice Matters

Children who feel that their voice is valued are more likely to speak up when they need help, advocate for themselves, and stay resilient in the face of challenges. They’re not afraid to ask questions, share opinions, or admit confusion. And that ability—to admit “I don’t understand,” or “This was really hard for me”—is exactly what leads to deeper learning and emotional growth.

If your child is struggling to reconnect or feels lost in the crowd, start with connection, not correction. Make room for their words, even when they're messy or incomplete. Listen not just with your ears, but with your heart.

Because when children know their words matter, they begin to believe that they matter too.

To dive deeper into this topic, you might want to read about how to talk about school with your child without making it feel like an interrogation or learn more about supporting your child when they struggle to fit in at school.