How to Talk About School With Your Child Without Making It Feel Like an Interrogation

When "How Was School?" Becomes a Wall

You're standing by the sink, scrubbing vegetables for dinner, and your child walks in, backpack askew, face unreadable. You try: "How was school?"

"Fine."

"What did you do today?"

"Nothing."

Maybe it ends there, or maybe you push a little: "Did you do math? How was recess? What about that group project?" Suddenly you're a detective, and your child? A suspect. The last thing you wanted.

Talking about school with your child—especially if they're struggling—should be a bridge, not a border check. But when kids feel overwhelmed, stressed or like they’re under a spotlight, they often shut down. What they need isn’t questioning. It’s connection.

Transform Conversations From Interrogations to Invitations

After a long day at school, especially for children between 6 and 12, answering a barrage of direct questions can feel exhausting. And for kids who already associate school with struggle—academic or social—it can feel like reliving a bad day.

One powerful shift you can make is this: talk with your child about school, not about school to your child. That small but meaningful difference invites storytelling, curiosity, and safety—three things every child needs to open up.

Start With Your Own Story

Children are more likely to share when the dynamic feels equal. Try offering something of your day before asking about theirs:

"I had to give a presentation to my team today and my nerves were everywhere. Do you ever feel like that when you have to speak in front of class?"

This technique opens up space for empathy. It humanizes you. In this article, we explore how storytelling can help your child process emotions by seeing them reflected in you.

Ask Differently, Not More

Instead of general questions like "How was your day?"—which often yield little—try more specific, offbeat prompts that lower defenses without pressure. For example:

• "Was there a moment today that made you laugh?"
• "If your school day were a weather forecast, what would it be?"
• "What part of the day do you wish could have lasted longer?"

These kinds of questions allow kids to reflect rather than report. You’re not probing for data; you’re inviting feelings. As outlined in this related piece, the language we use matters deeply in how children respond.

The Power of Quiet Moments

Sometimes it's not about what you say, but about when you don't. Some children aren’t ready to talk the moment they step through the door. And that's okay.

Touch base later: during a bedtime snuggle, while shooting hoops, or in the car. Side-by-side time often feels less intense than face-to-face conversation. It gives them space to think, and you space to listen.

As discussed in this article, the real breakthroughs often happen when we give children time—and silence—to find their words.

Reading Between the Lines

When your child avoids talking about school, it’s not always defiance. They may not have the language to articulate what's wrong. Or they may feel that sharing their struggle means they've failed.

That's where non-verbal clues and patterns become important. A lunchbox that keeps coming home untouched. A sudden reluctance to go to school on Tuesdays—the day of gym class, perhaps. A favorite subject losing its spark. These are part of the story, too.

If your child struggles to express challenges in words, especially academic ones, consider different formats for review and reflection. Tools that adapt to how your child learns can take pressure off everyone. For instance, the Skuli App lets you turn a photo of today’s worksheet into a personalized 20-question quiz, so your child can review concepts without parental quizzing. It transforms review time from a battlefield to a game board.

Remind Them They're More Than Their Struggles

Your child may already feel like school defines their worth—especially if they’re facing learning difficulties. One of the greatest gifts you can offer through conversation is perspective: that there’s so much more to them than test scores and effort charts.

Celebrate the small wins: "I noticed you packed your bag without reminders today—that’s huge." Acknowledge their efforts to try. And normalize the hard days. As unpacked in this guide, connection comes when children feel seen, not fixed.

Let Curiosity Lead

You are not an academic coach or an emotional detective. You are their parent. And while helping them succeed matters deeply, knowing them matters more.

Enter school conversations with curiosity, not a checklist. Let your child lead—even if that means talking about their favorite Pokémon character before spelling words. Their world is full of entry points. We just have to listen for them.

Remember: kids don’t talk because we ask the right questions. They talk because they feel safe. And when they do—even if it's just one sentence at the dinner table—you’ll know you’re building something stronger than answers. You’re building trust.