How to Support an Anxious Child Before a School Test
When Worry Shows Up at the Desk
It starts the night before—or sometimes, days ahead. Your child, usually full of energy, turns quiet at dinner. They’ve been fidgeting with their pencil during homework, maybe even tearing up at the mention of their upcoming math test. As a parent, watching the sparkle in your child’s eyes dim with anxiety is heartbreaking. You want to help, but often, you’re left wondering what will actually work.
Anxiety around evaluations isn’t rare. For children between 6 and 12, the pressures of performing well at school—whether self-imposed or coming from external sources—can feel overwhelming. They might not have the words to say, "I’m scared I’ll fail," but their behavior often speaks loudly. Sleeplessness, tummy aches, irritability... all can be signs your child is struggling under invisible weight.
This article isn’t a checklist of “do's and don’ts.” It’s a deeper conversation about how you can become your child’s anchor in stormy moments before a test—and how small habits and tools can make a world of difference.
Understanding What They're Really Afraid Of
Before rushing to reassure, take a moment to truly listen. Anxiety before a test often masks a deeper fear: of not being “good enough,” of disappointing parents or teachers, of not belonging. When children lack self-confidence, they may interpret any test as a threat to their self-worth.
Instead of trying to convince your child that "it’s nothing to worry about," explore what they think might happen. Ask, gently, “What’s the hardest part for you about this test?” or “What are you most worried will happen?” You may be surprised to hear they're afraid of going blank mid-test, or that they’ll be the only one who doesn’t finish on time.
If this resonates, you may also find comfort in reading this article about recognizing confidence struggles—it's often the root of school-related anxiety.
Helping Them Prepare—Without Overloading
Reviewing for a test is essential—but when it’s led by pressure, it can feed anxiety instead of reducing it. What children often need is not more information, but better ways to connect with what they know.
That’s where imagination and personalization can change everything. For instance, we’ve seen children thrive when they study using stories, rather than dry facts. Turning a French lesson into an audio adventure where they’re the hero chasing a treasure through verb conjugations—especially when they hear their own name woven into the tale—can transform dread into curiosity. Some apps, like Skuli (available on iOS and Android), allow you to take a photo of your child's lesson and turn it into these types of personalized audio journeys. For many children, re-engaging through play is what helps information stick—and it reduces pressure in the process.
Consider asking yourself: Am I helping them memorize or helping them make sense of this?
Creating Small Rituals of Calm
The night before the test, resist the temptation to do “one last review.” Instead, build a soft landing. Repeat a calming ritual—reading together, drawing, playing a simple memory game—to signal safety. Evening routines can work like an emotional reset, anchoring their sense of security.
In our article on evening rituals, we explore how even 15 minutes of positive, low-pressure connection can boost your child’s sense of self before a challenge. These moments assure your child they are valued for who they are—not just how they perform.
Reframing What Success Looks Like
Leave space in your conversations for something other than scores. Try asking in the car after pickup: “What was one thing you felt proud of during the test?” or “What was something you did today that was hard but you tried anyway?” These questions reinforce effort over outcome.
Many anxious children carry stories in their heads—stories that say, “I always mess up,” or “I’m just not smart.” You can help gently rewrite those narratives. One way is to reflect progress: “You stayed calm this time, even when you weren’t sure of the answer. That’s huge.” Or, “I saw you practice even when it was tricky. That’s real courage.”
This kind of encouragement not only calms immediate worries—it builds real confidence over time. For more on that, you might find our piece on how encouragement boosts confidence especially helpful.
When the Feelings Feel Bigger Than You
Occasional nervousness before a test is common. But if your child is regularly distressed—having meltdowns, physical symptoms like headaches or nausea, or showing signs of avoidance—it may be time to seek additional support. A school counselor, pediatrician, or child psychologist can help pinpoint whether a learning difficulty or deeper anxiety is at play.
In the meantime, you are not alone—and neither is your child. Slowly, with your compassion and steadiness, they can learn that fear doesn’t have to mean failure. That they can be anxious and still capable. And that their worth is never measured by a grade on a page.
You're Doing More Than You Know
If you’ve made it this far in the article, chances are you’re deeply invested in helping your child thrive—not just academically, but emotionally. That care is powerful. It teaches resilience in ways no worksheet ever could.
And if, over time, your child still struggles with test-day jitters, remember that those emotions aren’t a sign you’ve failed as a parent. They’re invitations—to pause, connect, and help your child rewrite what it means to be brave.
For more long-term strategies on helping your child believe in themselves, our guide on building belief in their abilities is a heartfelt place to keep exploring.