How to Support a Child Who’s Jealous of Their Younger Sibling
Jealousy Between Siblings: A Hidden Emotion With Loud Repercussions
You love your older child just as much as the new baby—but somehow, they don't believe it. The moment your younger child arrived, what once felt like a peaceful family rhythm became a symphony with clashing notes. Your older child, usually sweet and cooperative, now seems distant, angry, or attention-seeking. You didn’t expect this much jealousy.
If this sounds familiar, you are far from alone.
Sibling jealousy isn’t a sign that you’ve failed as a parent; it’s a natural emotional response from a child struggling to understand where they now fit in a changed family dynamic. And between school stress, homework battles, and trying to be everything-for-everyone, it’s no wonder you’re exhausted. But with compassion, perspective, and a few mindful strategies, you can help your older child feel secure again while supporting a healthier sibling bond.
Jealousy Is Not the Problem—Loneliness Is
Your child’s jealousy is not really about hating their little brother or sister. It’s more often about a fear that they've lost their special place in your heart. Children at this age (6 to 12) still live in a world where love feels like a pie—if their sibling gets a bigger slice, they fear they get less.
One parent I worked with shared how her son, Alex (age 8), started calling his younger sister “the favorite” whenever she got picked up from ballet while he had to finish homework. He became more resistant to school, started dragging his feet during bedtime, and often created drama during quiet moments. It wasn’t disobedience—it was a coded cry: "See me. Miss me. Love me like before."
It’s tempting to dismiss the behavior or shame it away (“Don’t be ridiculous—you know we love you both the same”). But if we aim to practice positive parenting, we need to create space for our child’s jealousy without labeling them as bad or selfish.
Fill Their Cup, One Connection at a Time
Children are deeply attuned to attention—and they measure love not by what we say, but by how present we are. That’s why jealousy often spikes around moments when we’re most distracted—like juggling school pickup while tending to a teething baby.
You don’t need hours of one-on-one time daily. But even short, intentional moments of connection can ease jealousy:
- Spend 15 minutes doing something your older child chooses—just the two of you. Let them lead.
- Use bedtime as a sacred “connection anchor.” Read a short book, share one happy moment from the day, or whisper a story just for them.
- Create small rituals that are just for them. For example: a special handshake in the morning or a weekly walk after school.
If your child struggles with school self-esteem, consider weaving connection into their learning. For instance, if reading homework feels like a chore, you can turn it into fun storytelling by using their name in the stories. Some families have used the Skuli App to turn lessons into audio adventures where their child becomes the main character—merging academic skills with the joyful feeling of being seen and celebrated.
Bring Compassion to Conflicts Between Siblings
It’s natural to want to jump in and defend the younger child when conflicts happen. But try pausing first. Often, jealousy-fueled behavior is rooted in unmet emotional needs. Instead of focusing on "who started it," try to understand each child’s feelings underneath.
Instead of: “Stop being mean to your sister,” try: “It seems like you’re upset because she gets to play while you do homework. Is that right?” That shift validates your child’s experience without condoning hurtful behavior. By modeling compassionate communication, you’re teaching them that their feelings matter and that there are respectful ways to express them.
Know that these moments aren’t just discipline moments—they’re learning ones. Your older child is figuring out how to navigate big feelings. And there’s no better place to learn that than with you.
Help Your Older Child Reclaim Their Unique Identity
It’s easy for the older child to feel “replaced.” One powerful remedy is to help them reconnect with what makes them special.
You can do this by:
- Celebrating their interests—whether it’s coding, drawing, Minecraft, or trick shots on the trampoline.
- Giving them jobs that reflect their growing competence, not just their role as “older sibling” (e.g., planning one family meal, decorating their room, curating the weekend playlist).
- Praising their effort, courage, and acts of kindness in a way that feels personal, not comparative.
If homework is a battleground, and you sense school is one of the few places where they feel overlooked, it’s worth rethinking how they engage with learning. Could they thrive more by listening to lessons rather than reading them? Apps like Skuli offer calming options like audio versions of written lessons—perfect for kids who decompress better during after-school car rides, giving them space to learn in a way that honors their individual rhythm.
For more on helping your child rediscover motivation through empathy, explore our guide on motivation without pressure.
What to Do When You're Running On Empty
You’re nurturing a newborn, managing homework tantrums, and carrying invisible emotional loads. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed. But remember: your presence matters far more than perfection.
When emotions run high, your calm is the anchor. Try not to aim for control—aim for connection first.
And if your child acts out by exaggerating stories, accusing you of unfairness, or even lying, don’t panic. These are often protective mechanisms. You might find helpful insights in our article on responding with kindness when your child lies.
Your Connection is the Healing
Managing sibling jealousy isn't about eliminating negative feelings—it's about creating a safe space where your child can express them without fear. When your older child feels confident that they are loved uniquely, not just equally, the jealousy often recedes. And from that place, true sibling closeness can slowly emerge.
So start small. One look that says “I see you.” One laugh. One story with them as the star. Pieces of connection become the bridge back to security. And from there—everyone breathes a little easier.