How to Spot a Learning Disorder in a Child Who Says They Hate School

When “I hate school” might mean something deeper

It’s a phrase many parents dread to hear: “I hate school.” For some children, it’s a fleeting complaint after a tough test or a stressful day. But for others—especially when it becomes a daily mantra—it can be a sign that something deeper is going on.

While school avoidance can stem from many sources such as social anxiety, bullying, or difficulty with teachers, chronic resistance to school might also be rooted in an undiagnosed learning disorder. And if you’re a parent trying to understand why your child melts down over homework, avoids reading, or gets headaches just thinking about math, you’re not alone.

Recognizing a learning difficulty isn't always straightforward—especially when a child’s frustration is masked by defiance, low self-esteem, or behavior issues. But the earlier you spot the signs and soften the school experience, the better you can support your child’s educational and emotional journey.

The clues hidden in everyday struggles

Picture this: your 9-year-old daughter tells you every morning that she has a stomachache. You’ve ruled out physical illness. Her teachers say she’s sweet and quiet but often "spaces out" during class. At home, she avoids homework at all costs, tantrums over reading assignments, and insists she’s “stupid.”

This kind of pattern—especially when it persists over weeks or months—could indicate a learning disorder, such as dyslexia, ADHD, or a processing difficulty. Yet, many children mask their struggles with avoidance or disruptive behavior. They’d rather seem defiant than “dumb.” For parents, this makes it easy to confuse resistance with laziness or lack of motivation. In fact, this article explores in depth the many emotional layers behind “I hate school.”

The key is knowing what to look for. Here are some subtle indicators that your child’s dislike of school might be linked to a learning difference:

• Homework takes an unusually long time. Your child avoids it, procrastinates, or needs your constant help—even with straightforward tasks.
• They blame themselves. Phrases like “I’m dumb” or “I’ll never get this” suggest internalized failure rather than misbehavior.
• They can’t focus—or they hyper-focus. Attention disorders can look like daydreaming or, conversely, perfectionism that leads to burnout.
• They excel in non-academic areas. You might be puzzled—your child can memorize every lyric from their favorite show but can’t remember basic math facts.

What it can feel like for a child with an invisible struggle

Children with learning disorders often suffer in silence. They compare themselves to classmates and wonder why their efforts fall short. Ziggy, age 8, once told his mom, “My brain just turns off when I look at the page—it’s like the words don’t want to stay still.” Meanwhile, his teacher described him as “disengaged.”

Stories like Ziggy’s are heartbreakingly common. When we view a child’s behavior through the lens of struggle—rather than defiance—our compassion grows. Many children build emotional walls to protect themselves from repeated failure and shame. That’s why helping them rediscover the joy of learning goes hand in hand with uncovering what’s really going on.

So, what can you do?

If this article is resonating with you, pause for just a moment. Take a breath. You’re already doing one of the most important things a parent can do: paying attention. You’re noticing patterns. You’re asking questions. And you’re seeking guidance instead of reacting with frustration or punishment.

Start by keeping a journal of your observations—for instance, which subjects cause distress, what times of day your child seems most anxious, and what kinds of homework trigger resistance. Then, schedule a conversation with your child’s teacher or school counselor. Share what you’ve noticed, and ask if they’ve seen similar things in class.

And know that you don’t need a diagnosis to start offering support. If your child freezes at the sight of their textbook, maybe written lessons overwhelm them. Some children learn better by listening—try turning that dense text into an audio version they can enjoy on the ride to school or while winding down at night. Tools like the Skuli App make this simple by converting lessons into audio stories, letting your child hear explanations in their own personalized adventure, even using their first name as the hero. It’s a small shift, but it can completely change how information is received by a child who’s been struggling.

Affirmation and advocacy go hand in hand

A diagnosis—if one comes—doesn’t change who your child is. It doesn’t define them. It simply gives you a clearer route forward. And sometimes, the label brings relief: finally, a name for why things feel so hard. But whether or not you seek professional evaluation right away, showing your child that you’re on their side is the ultimate foundation.

That means communicating: “I see how hard you’re trying. I believe in you. If something feels off, that’s not your fault—and I’m here to help.” It means working with teachers—not against them—to create a learning environment that honors your child’s strengths and fears. Parents who navigate homework resistance without battles are often the ones who understand the power of accommodation and empathy. (If nightly homework has become a battlefield, you might find this guide helpful.)

And if your child is currently afraid or anxious about going to school, start there—with connection and comforting routines. Explore this gentle approach to school-related fear and how to hold space for it.

It’s not just about school—it’s about how school makes them feel

Our role as parents isn’t to make our children love school instantly or achieve perfect grades. It’s to understand how school impacts their sense of self, and to walk beside them compassionately as they learn to navigate it.

Recognizing the early signs of a learning disorder might just be the lifeline your child has been waiting for. And whatever their journey looks like, with time, tools, and most importantly—your unwavering presence—things can get better.

For more ideas on how to reawaken your child’s motivation, practical strategies can be found in this motivation-focused article.