My Child Is Afraid to Go to School: How to Comfort and Support Them

by Skuli | Available on AppStore + GooglePlay

• 4 min read

Understanding Your Child’s Fear of School

No parent wants to hear their child whisper through tears, "I don't want to go to school." It can break your heart—and stir up a mix of concern, frustration, and even guilt. You may find yourself wondering, "Is something wrong? Are they being bullied? Are they overwhelmed by schoolwork? Am I missing something important?" These are the right questions to ask.

School refusal, or a deep fear of attending school, isn’t always about laziness or defiance. More often, it’s a sign that your child’s emotional world is flooded. It might be anxiety about their performance, fear of social embarrassment, or difficulty keeping up in class. Sometimes there’s no single cause—just a sense that school is a place where they don’t feel safe, seen, or successful.

When Mornings Become a Battle: What’s Really Happening

Imagine being 8 years old and waking up every day to a place that feels overwhelming. You’re not sure if you’ll understand what the teacher is saying, you’re scared someone might laugh at you when you raise your hand, or maybe yesterday’s spelling test didn’t go so well. Add to that the pressure to be “fine” and get out the door quickly, and you’ve got a perfect recipe for morning meltdowns.

We’ve heard countless stories from parents who’ve come to us exhausted and at a loss. A father in Lyon told me recently, "My daughter clings to me like she’s drowning when we reach the school gate. I don’t know what to say to make it better." What's clear is this: behind every child refusing school lies a tangled web of emotions—fear of failure, shame, exhaustion, or just feeling like they don't belong.

How to Rebuild Trust and Safety Around School

The most important thing you can do, especially in the early days of school refusal, is to validate your child’s feelings. Not ignore, distract, or immediately jump to problem-solving, but to truly listen. Try saying:

  • "I can see how hard this is for you. You’re really scared, aren’t you?"
  • "It’s okay to feel nervous. Let’s figure this out together."

By naming and normalizing these emotions, you reduce their power. You also send the message that your child isn’t alone in navigating them.

Then, once your child feels heard, you can start rebuilding their sense of agency. For some, it means breaking the school day into smaller, more manageable parts: "Let’s focus only on getting dressed this morning. We’ll talk about school after breakfast." For others, it might mean role-playing situations they fear, like asking to go to the bathroom or reading aloud.

Learning Anxiety: When It Feels Like They Just Can’t Keep Up

Sometimes, fear of school stems not from what happens socially, but academically. Children who struggle with reading, writing, or certain subjects can feel intense shame, especially if they think everyone else gets it "easily." If we want to soothe that fear, we must be brave enough to address it directly.

This is where gentle support and creative tools come into play. One parent shared how bedtime had become the only moment her son relaxed, and she started playing audio versions of his class lessons during this quiet time. Little by little, his fear of not understanding started to ease. Apps like Skuli, which turn lessons into personalized audio adventures (with the child as the hero!) have been especially helpful for auditory learners—or for transforming car rides into calmer learning moments. It’s not about pushing harder. It’s about helping your child feel capable again, in ways that match their learning style.

Still wondering if your child’s resistance is really about schoolwork? This piece can help you go deeper: Why Your Child Says They Hate School: Understanding the Real Reasons.

Creating a Home Environment That Calms School Anxiety

Home becomes a powerful anchor when school feels chaotic. Start by creating an after-school routine that offers both structure and soothing. Maybe it's 30 minutes of screen-free downtime, followed by homework help (using tools your child enjoys), and ending with connection—like cooking together or going for a walk.

When your child begins to associate home with emotional safety and school-related moments with less fear, you’re already making huge strides. Never underestimate the power of consistency and simply showing up with compassion.

If your evenings often end in homework battles, this reflection may offer some relief: My Child Refuses to Do Homework: How to Support Them Without Power Struggles.

Partnering with the School—Not Fighting Against It

It takes courage to reach out to teachers or school staff, but most want to help when they understand what’s going on. Explain to your child’s teacher what mornings have looked like and ask if they’ve noticed similar signs—withdrawal, fidgeting, avoidance—in class. Teachers can offer encouragement discreetly, arrange for transition support (such as arriving a few minutes early or pairing with a calm classmate), or keep a closer eye out for triggers like teasing.

Some schools have counselors or psychologists equipped to guide both children and parents through the school refusal process. Don’t face this alone—and remind your child often that they, too, have a team standing beside them.

Change Takes Time, but Growth Is Happening

No single conversation, clever tool, or new routine will erase your child’s school fears overnight. But each time you listen without pushing, each time you find small ways to help them feel capable again, you chip away at the wall of fear they’re hiding behind. You teach them, slowly and gently, that struggle doesn't mean failure—and that they are not alone in it.

Looking for broader strategies to help your child re-engage with school life? You might find these useful:

Above all, don’t blame yourself. Parenting a sensitive, anxious child requires patience and compassion—for them, but also for yourself. You are showing up, you’re looking for answers, and that means you’re already doing something wonderful.