How to Help Your Child Talk About Their Elementary School Experience

Why It's So Hard for Kids to Open Up About School

“How was school today?”

“Fine.”

If you're like most parents, this exchange might sound painfully familiar. You ask with genuine interest, but your child offers little in return. By 6 to 12 years old, kids are navigating a complex world—social pressures, academic challenges, unspoken rules—all of which can be hard to put into words. And yet, talking about what they’re experiencing at school is one of the most powerful ways to help them feel supported, understood, and confident.

But getting them to talk is rarely simple.

As a parent, especially when you're already juggling homework resistance, emotional meltdowns, or your own exhaustion, drawing out your child’s thoughts and feelings about school can feel like pulling teeth. That’s why instead of aiming for a one-time “deep” conversation, it’s more helpful to plant the seeds of ongoing, low-pressure communication.

Start Small by Noticing the Right Moments

Not all conversations are created equal. The after-school rush—snacks, backpacks, logistics—isn’t always the best time to get insight. But bedtime? A car ride? When your child is doodling at the kitchen table? These “shoulder-to-shoulder” moments, where there’s no pressure to maintain eye contact, can open up windows for your child to share.

Some parents have found that switching from direct questions to observational comments helps. Instead of, “Did you make any friends today?” you might say, “I noticed you brought home a comic book. It looks funny.” This invites dialogue without demanding it.

Over time, your child may begin to offer more, especially if they feel you're listening more to understand than to correct, advise, or fix.

Make Space for Emotional Vocabulary

Children often struggle to talk about school not because they don't want to, but because they lack the vocabulary or emotional clarity. Providing that structure can be a game-changer.

Try this: Once a week, create a regular check-in ritual where everyone (including you) shares a “rose, thorn, and bud”—something good, something hard, and something they’re looking forward to. It’s simple, concrete, and models vulnerability in a safe way.

When deeper things do come up—like boredom with a subject or anxiety around a particular teacher—validate what they say first. A response like, “That sounds really frustrating,” or “It makes sense you’d feel that way,” lets them know you’re on their team.

Sometimes, kids will express their needs in roundabout or even challenging ways. They may say, “School is stupid,” when they mean, “I feel like I’m failing and I don’t know how to say it.” Understanding what your child is really reacting to is the first step in helping them work through it.

Use Playful Mediums to Lower the Stakes

Not every child enjoys talking, and for some—especially those who’ve struggled academically—words around school carry a lot of weight. But storytelling, drawing, and pretend play can invite expression in creative ways.

Invite your child to draw their “school day” as a comic strip, or act it out using Legos or dolls. You might be surprised at the honest narratives that surface when they’re allowed to tell their story on their own terms.

Another powerful tool is turning school material into fun, personalized opportunities for reflection. For children who prefer listening to reading, or who have difficulty focusing on academic content, apps like Sculi offer ways to turn written lessons into audio adventure stories, where your child becomes the protagonist. When a child hears themselves in a story—a hero learning math while navigating a magical forest, for example—they're not just absorbing information; they’re connecting with it in a personal, meaningful way. That connection often carries over into how they talk about school itself.

When Silence Speaks Louder Than Words

Sometimes, your child might resist talking about school not out of defiance, but out of hurt, fear, or overwhelm. If your child suddenly clams up and seems withdrawn, don’t push. Slow down. Observe. Isolating behaviors or avoidance might signal a deeper issue, such as bullying, learning differences, or anxiety.

In these moments, it’s especially important to offer calm presence over solutions. You might say, “I've noticed you seem really quiet about school lately. That’s totally okay, and I just want you to know I’m here when you’re ready.”

If the silence persists, don’t hesitate to reach out for support—from a teacher, school counselor, or even a child psychologist. You can also read this reflection on why some kids stop wanting to go to school to better understand the signs.

Build Communication Like You Build a Habit

Talking about school isn’t a one-and-done event—it’s a relationship you’re cultivating over years. Start small. Be consistent. Keep showing up with curiosity and compassion, even if the answers are brief, silly, or seemingly pointless. They show your child that you care about their world, no matter how big or small it feels to them.

And remember: Conversation doesn’t always have to focus on problems. Talk about what your child loves, too. Learning what excites them—whether it’s art class, science experiments, or recess drama—can reveal how they engage best with learning.

In time, your child won’t just learn to talk about school. They’ll learn to reflect, self-advocate, and make sense of their world—and that skill will stay with them far beyond the classroom.

Want to create a richer dialogue around schoolwork at home? Check out our guide on creating positive conversations around learning at the dinner table.