Giving Kids a Voice: Understanding Their Real School Needs

Why We Need to Listen Differently

You're doing everything you can: checking homework, attending school meetings, limiting screen time, encouraging reading. But still, your child comes home anxious, frustrated, or simply silent about school. And no matter how many questions you ask, you're met with “I don’t know” or “It was fine.” Sound familiar?

This silence isn’t indifference. Often, it’s a sign that a child doesn’t feel fully understood — or heard — in a school system that may not be designed with their individual learning rhythms in mind. What if the first step toward helping them wasn’t solving their academic problems, but instead, offering them your full attention? Truly giving them the space and permission to express how school feels, for them.

Beyond the Surface: What Their Words (and Silences) Mean

Anna, a mother of two, shared with me recently how her 9-year-old son, Leo, suddenly started dreading school. “He couldn’t explain why. He just said ‘I hate it.’ Homework became a battlefield. Everything I suggested made him shut down.”

When Anna shifted her questions from logistical — “Did you finish your math?” — to emotional and open-ended — “What part of school feels hard right now?” — the conversation changed. Leo slowly shared that group work made him anxious, and he didn’t always understand instructions before the class had moved on. He wasn’t lazy. He felt lost.

This kind of opening doesn’t happen overnight. But it begins by creating what we call active listening moments — not just hearing the words, but tuning into the feelings underneath. When your child senses that school stress isn’t something they need to hide, they’re more likely to let you in.

Inviting Conversation with Curiosity, Not Correction

Many well-meaning questions accidentally shut kids down. Avoid turning every homework check-in into an evaluation. Instead, try these approaches during a quiet time, maybe while folding laundry together or during a drive:

• “If you could change one thing about how school works, what would you change?”
• “What part of your day feels longest or most stressful?”
• “What’s something you wish your teacher understood about how you learn?”

These kinds of questions often spark insights kids are already trying to tell us in other ways — through avoidance, outbursts, or even daydreaming. You might discover, like Anna did, that the issue isn’t attention or motivation, but pace, environment, or learning style.

Our recent article What Kids Ages 6 to 12 Wish They Could Change About School explores exactly that — the changes children themselves wish for, when we stop to ask.

Making Learning Feel Personal Again

Once we understand the specific frustrations — whether it's difficulty retaining information from reading, feeling bored by repetition, or needing more movement while learning — we can begin to tailor how schoolwork is approached at home.

Some kids are auditory processors; they absorb much more when they hear information. If this sounds like your child, try turning textbook paragraphs or lesson summaries into audio. That way, concepts become accessible during daily routines — a car ride, relaxing before bed, or even during dinner prep.

In fact, one of the more creative tools some parents now use offers a solution that turns lessons into personalized audio adventures — placing your child as the hero of the story, using their first name. It's the kind of feature found in the Skuli App, helping transform learning from a chore into an engaging part of a child's world.

A Two-Way Street: Their Voice, Your Support

Don’t underestimate what your child’s input can teach you about how they learn. Maybe it’s less about memorizing multiplication tables and more about building confidence. Maybe they need to move while learning, or revisit concepts in multiple ways. That input is gold — if we let them give it.

Establishing regular “check-in” rituals, even short weekly ones, helps. Ask them:

• “What was something you were proud of this week at school?”
• “Was there a moment school felt easier or more fun than usual?”
• “Was there a moment you felt stuck or uncomfortable?”

These questions build trust and identify patterns. If you want to go further, our guide on creating a positive dialogue about schoolwork offers gentle strategies to help reluctant talkers open up.

Small Clues, Big Shifts

Sometimes what helps most is noticing. Noticing that your child sighs every time they sit down for homework. That they “forget” their notebook more often for one specific subject. That they avoid talking about a particular teacher. These clues matter. Lean into them with compassion, not suspicion.

As one parent put it after reading our reflections on why some kids stop wanting to go to school: “Once I stopped reacting to his resistance as stubbornness, and started seeing it as a signal, it changed everything.”

Final Thoughts: Their Voice Is a Compass

Parenting a child who struggles with school is not about being the teacher, the therapist, and the cheerleader all in one. Sometimes, it’s simply about sitting with them in quiet understanding, giving them words for a world that often feels out of their control.

Our kids may not always have the solutions. But through their questions, hesitations, and side comments, they offer us signposts. If we learn to follow them — and respond with both empathy and action — we can co-create solutions that let them thrive, not just survive, in learning.

And remember, you're not alone. Many parents are catching onto the idea that success at school isn’t only about answers. It begins with permission to ask better questions — together.