How to Gently Encourage Your Child to Talk About Their School-Related Fears

Why Kids Stay Silent About School Fears

“He just shrugs and says ‘nothing’ when I ask how school was.” If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many caring, attentive parents struggle to get their children to open up about school-related fears — especially between the ages of 6 and 12, when social, academic, and personal pressures quietly multiply.

Children at this age often lack the vocabulary or self-awareness to fully explain what’s bothering them. Sometimes they don’t even know they’re feeling anxious — they just know their stomach hurts every morning before school, or they dread a particular subject or classmate. Some children, aware of their parents’ exhaustion or stress, might even choose silence over worrying you.

Understanding why children keep their fears hidden is the first step to helping them speak. The next step is learning how to invite those fears out into the open — gently, patiently, without pressure.

The Power of Everyday Rituals

The best conversations rarely happen around the dining table under the spotlight of a direct question. They flourish in quieter moments, where there’s no pressure to perform: during a walk, while folding laundry together, or on the drive home from school.

Rituals can become bridges to connection. For some parents, it’s a “rose and thorn” tradition before bedtime (where your child shares something good and something difficult from school). Others find success with drawing together after dinner, then asking, “Can you draw something that felt tricky today?”

The key is consistency with flexibility. These rituals shouldn’t feel forced. Instead, find rhythms that appeal to your child’s natural state — whether that’s active, quiet, visual, or verbal — and let those become your gateways to emotional conversations.

Let Their World Set the Tone

The school world is vast and often overwhelming. From friendship drama to math anxiety, kids face a swirl of emotions every day. Instead of asking open-ended questions like “What are you afraid of at school?” consider anchoring your questions in their real experiences.

Try statements that invite storytelling instead of confession. For example:

• “It seemed like something bugged you after math today. What was going on?”
• “I noticed you got really quiet last night before bed. Does that happen sometimes after a hard day at school?”
• “I remember having butterflies before my spelling test. Do you ever feel that way?”

By giving language to their emotions — especially through stories of your own — you remind your child that school fears are common and normal. You're not just probing; you're relating.

When Learning Itself Causes Anxiety

For some kids, the fear isn’t social. It’s academic. A child who struggles with reading, hates being called on in class, or feels they’re constantly behind may start to withdraw or resist school entirely. In these cases, school fear is deeply rooted in self-worth — and your child might feel too ashamed to talk about it.

Instead of focusing on performance, try focusing on process. Say things like, “It seems this subject feels hard right now. What part of it is the most frustrating?” Or even, “If this lesson could be explained in a different way, what would help?”

This is where tools like Skuli can quietly offer support. For kids who freeze when reading but learn better by listening, the app can turn written lessons into audio — an excellent way to review material during a calm car ride or bedtime wind-down. By pairing schoolwork with comfort and connection, fear can slowly give way to confidence.

Notice Before You Ask

Sometimes the strongest encouragement happens without words. A parent who notices the clenched jaw before school, the delay in opening homework, or the tears that come after a spelling test is already doing essential emotional labor.

Let your observation become your entry point. Try, “I noticed you seemed tense after school today, and I just want you to know that you can always tell me if something feels scary or hard.” Even if your child says nothing, your words plant seeds. You're showing them that emotions are not off-limits. In time, those seeds grow roots.

And when you sense the fears go beyond what you can handle alone, don’t hesitate to explore when to seek help for school-related stress. Early support can make a world of difference.

Model Bravery Through Vulnerability

Children mirror the emotional environment around them. If your home is a place where fears are hidden or dismissed (“You’ll be fine,” “There’s nothing to be scared of”), they may echo that silence.

On the other hand, when a parent says, “I used to feel really nervous when I got a new teacher,” or “One time I forgot my lines in the school play and I felt embarrassed,” it creates an emotional permission slip. By modeling vulnerability, you show that fear isn’t shameful — it’s human, and it passes.

For more on how to proactively reduce the stress surrounding school, especially for younger children, check out how school anxiety prevention starts early or prepare for anxious seasons with our back-to-school anxiety guide.

Silence Is Not the Enemy — Pressure Is

Getting a child to talk about fear isn’t a single conversation. It’s many small ones, scattered across weeks and months. Some children may uncover their struggles slowly, each word a win. Others may burst with stories once they feel safe enough to share.

What matters most is your consistent presence. Your quiet patience. Your willingness to meet your child where they are — even if that's sitting silently side-by-side after a hard day.

And when words do come, celebrate your child's courage to speak. That bravery is the foundation of resilience.

If you're unsure whether your child’s silence or anxiety is typical, you may find reassurance in what’s normal for anxious 9-year-olds, or explore how respecting your child's learning pace can reduce pressure and performance anxiety.