How Kids Talk About Their Fears at School—And What It Means

Listening Between the Lines

“I don’t want to go to school today.” For many parents, these words trigger a familiar sinking feeling. Maybe you’ve heard your child say this after a week of late nights and tricky math problems. Maybe it’s become their morning mantra. And maybe, deep down, you know it’s more than just tiredness or a missing homework sheet. School can be a daunting place for children, and the hardest part isn’t always the academic material—it’s how they feel about themselves while they're learning it.

What Children Really Mean

Children between six and twelve don’t always have the vocabulary to clearly explain what scares them. Instead, they use phrases that hint at deeper discomfort:

• “I’m bad at this.”
• “It’s boring.”
• “My teacher doesn’t like me.”
• “Everyone else can do it but me.”

These aren’t just complaints. They’re the coded language of kids trying to make sense of self-doubt, performance anxiety, or social worries. When a child says, “I’m bad at this,” they might mean “I’m afraid of failing again.” When they insist something is “boring,” they may be masking the fact that it feels overwhelming, or that they don’t see a way in.

In this previous article, we explored why boredom is often a disguise for emotional or cognitive disengagement. Tuning into the emotional content behind your child’s words is step one in helping them feel safe enough to keep trying.

The Hidden Fears Behind Everyday Words

Take the example of Émile, an energetic 8-year-old whose parents were worried when he began faking stomach aches every Monday morning. At first, it seemed like classic avoidance. But one day in the car, Émile quietly said, “I don’t like how it feels when the teacher picks people so fast.” For him, the fear wasn’t school—it was the speed and unpredictability of class participation. Being put on the spot made him panic. He called it “messy,” but what he really meant was “scary.”

Children like Émile aren’t resisting learning—they're resisting fear. And the fear isn’t always academic. For some, it’s about feeling invisible; for others, it’s about standing out too much.

In our piece on whether your child's voice is truly heard at school, we discussed ways the classroom can unintentionally silence kids. Often, the root of school anxiety is the sense that emotions aren’t welcome there. Changing that starts at home—with how we respond to the words our kids choose.

Helping Kids Name What They Feel

So what can you do as a parent, especially when your child seems emotionally overwhelmed but can’t articulate why? The first step is empathy. When your child says “I hate reading,” try responding with curiosity instead of correction. “What part do you hate?” or even, “Does it feel hard or uncomfortable?” can invite trust and vulnerability.

Normalize the idea that learning sometimes feels hard—and that this doesn’t mean your child is broken or behind. Many kids process stress through physical symptoms, quiet withdrawal, or irritation. Look for patterns in when and how these responses show up. They’ll give you clues about what’s really causing the discomfort.

One helpful approach parents have found is offering alternative ways for their children to engage with difficult subjects. If your child loathes rereading their science notes, perhaps it’s not the content—it’s the pressure of doing it ‘the right way.’ The Skuli App offers a gentle workaround: by turning existing lessons into audio adventures where your child becomes the hero, using their own first name, it reframes studying as a story they’re part of—not a task they have to complete. This empowers kids to reapproach familiar fears from a new angle, especially when they feel unseen in traditional methods.

Creating Safe Spaces After School

Remember, your home can be your child’s emotional decompression zone. That doesn’t mean filling your afternoons with educational reinforcements or endless questions about the day. It might mean simply saying, “You seemed nervous about math this morning—want to tell me about that?” or “What was the hardest part of today?”

Don’t worry if they don’t respond at first. Children often process through play or quiet reflection before they can speak. One parent shared how her daughter, after weeks of dodging questions about school, finally opened up while building LEGO: “The boys at my table always laugh when I read.” Not only was this a significant insight—it allowed her parents to speak directly to the issue, building her confidence from the inside out.

In fact, encouraging reflection over time matters much more than solving the issue in a single conversation. For more on supporting a child emotionally through transitions, the article on how kids experience grade transitions in their own words offers heartening examples of what kids notice when we listen closely.

From Fear to Resilience

Fear doesn’t always disappear with reassurance. What helps children most is gaining tools and confidence to handle challenge. This might include:

• Predictable routines at home to decrease emotional load
• Validating their feelings without rushing to problem-solve
• Collaborating with teachers to increase your child’s sense of control
• Adapting learning strategies to fit their comfort zone before expanding it

Let your child be your guide in this journey. Some will respond to humor, others to play, and some genuinely want collaborative learning strategies. If you’re wondering whether your child might benefit from more autonomy, our article on letting kids set their own learning pace is a thoughtful place to start.

The Words Are There. We Just Have to Hear Them.

There are no magic phrases to make school easier for your child—but there are ways to ensure they know they’re not alone. Children want to be brave, but they also need a space to be scared. As parents, it's up to us to hear the tremble behind “I hate math,” and gently ask, “What about it scares you?”

Their answers may surprise you. And they may just be the beginning of something hopeful.