Helping Your Child Make Friends in Elementary School: A Heartfelt Guide for Parents

Why Friendships Matter So Deeply in Primary School

If your child often comes home saying they had no one to play with at recess, or dreads group projects, your heart probably sinks. You're not alone. Many parents of children aged 6 to 12 quietly carry this worry—wondering how to help their child connect with others, make friends, and feel like they belong in school. The school years aren't just about academic learning; they're also a foundational time for social development. Strong friendships can improve your child's mental well-being, boost their self-esteem, and even support better learning outcomes.

In fact, school friendships are deeply tied to academic performance and emotional resilience. A child who feels connected is more likely to take academic risks, participate in class, and enjoy going to school. For children who struggle to make friends, the classroom can feel like a lonely place, even when it’s full of people.

Understanding the Root of Social Struggles

Before jumping into strategies, it helps to gently explore why your child may find it hard to make friends. Is it shyness? Difficulty picking up on social cues? A recent school change? Or maybe they feel different from their peers in a way they can’t yet articulate. Understanding their emotional landscape is the first step to offering truly helpful support.

For many children, shyness can be a large barrier. You might want to explore more in-depth concepts from our article on how shyness affects school success. Remember, shyness isn’t something to “fix,” but something to understand and work with.

Creating Safe Opportunities for Connection

Friendship doesn’t always spark in the classroom. Sometimes, it begins in the spaces in between—waiting in line for lunch, walking to school, or sitting next to someone on a field trip. But for kids who struggle socially, these moments can feel chaotic or overwhelming. One helpful approach is to create lower-pressure spaces for social connection, where your child can be their true self:

• Playdates with one or two children, rather than a whole group.
• Clubs or activities based on their specific interests—whether it’s chess, drawing, or coding.
• Shared creative games like Minecraft or Roblox (with moderation), which can be surprisingly effective bridges to friendship.

A word of encouragement: Even if early attempts don't go perfectly, they’re part of the process. Helping your child practice social skills in manageable doses teaches resilience.

Helping Your Child Understand Friendship

Not every child intuitively understands how friendships work. Some think a friend should always agree with them. Others believe friendship means spending every second together. Gently coaching your child on what makes a good friend—and how to be one—can equip them with the emotional tools they need.

Try storytelling. Tell them about a time when you made a friend as a child: what you felt, how you reached out, and even what made it hard. These small stories offer models your child can learn from. Some parents tap into media—books, movies, or even gamified learning tools—to help their children emotionally connect to friendship concepts. For instance, by using an app that turns their lesson into an audio adventure where they’re the hero—the kind where your child’s own name is woven into the story—they can not only engage academically but hear examples of empathy and cooperation in action. It’s a subtle but powerful way to reinforce social learning while also nurturing their imagination.

What to Say (and What Not to Say)

It’s tempting to give advice like “Just be friendly!” or “Why don’t you go talk to them?” But for many children, these tips sound vague or even scary. Instead, offer more tangible ideas based on specific settings:

• “Next time you see Tim at recess, maybe you could ask him about his favorite Pokémon card. You liked his drawing the other day, right?”
• “If someone looks like they’re sitting alone, maybe they’d like to build something together.”

Also, remember to validate feelings first. “I know it’s hard when you feel like you’re the only one without a friend.” That feeling of being seen by a parent is sometimes more healing than any advice.

If School Feels Overwhelming

Sometimes the emotional stakes of making friends are compounded by learning difficulties or academic stress. If your child already feels “behind” in class, forming friendships can feel like just one more thing to fail at. That’s why creating positive experiences around schoolwork matters. Some families find that using tools that make learning more playful and less pressured—like turning a photo of a lesson into a story-based quiz or listening to it in audio format during a car ride—helps reduce stress and free up emotional energy for social engagement. (Parents have found success using Skuli for this kind of gentle support.) Bit by bit, when learning feels achievable, confidence grows—and friendships often follow.

Trust the Long Game

No single conversation or playdate will change everything overnight. Building social skills is a long, nonlinear journey. There may be disappointments, letdowns, or even stretches when you wonder if it’s helping at all. But bit by bit, the seeds of connection take root.

Celebrate small victories: the time their classmate said hello, or they invited someone to join a game. Avoid comparing your child to others or rushing the process. Focus on the steady growth of emotional intelligence, kindness, and self-awareness—all of which, over time, lead to stronger and more enduring relationships.

And perhaps most importantly, remind them (and yourself) that everyone deserves a friend. Sometimes, they just need a little more time—or a little more help—to find them.