Why Kind Relationships Help Kids Fall in Love with School

What if learning started with feeling safe?

It’s the middle of the week, dinner is on the stove, and your child is curled up on the couch, backpack untouched since they got home. You ask gently about the homework. They groan. You try again, a little firmer. They snap. You feel the frustration build up: Why does school have to be such a battlefield?

If this scene feels familiar, you’re not alone. Behind so many struggles with school—even when they’re masked as laziness, defiance, or apathy—there’s often a deeper wound: the absence of a warm, trusting relationship with school itself. Children who feel disconnected or criticized in their school environment often develop a quiet resistance to learning. The good news? Relationships can be the bridge that brings them back.

Learning thrives in connection—not pressure

Imagine your child has just joined a new class project. Two kids welcome them into the group immediately, laughing at their jokes. The teacher notices their effort, not just their answers. Suddenly, they're raising their hand, asking questions, and coming home buzzing about what they learned. What changed?

The difference lies in emotional safety. Children need to feel valued and accepted before they can truly engage. When they’re anxious, ashamed, or isolated, cognitive load spikes—making it harder to process or retain information. But when they feel respected and cared for, their brain opens up like a sunflower to the sunlight of new ideas.

In fact, research continues to show that children with strong social bonds tend to learn more effectively. They take more academic risks, persist through difficulty, and recover faster from mistakes.

Home as the first haven

As parents, we might not be able to handpick our child’s teacher or classmates, but we can offer a consistent source of warmth and stability at home. This doesn’t mean putting on a happy face when you’re bone-tired or pretending school problems don’t exist. It means showing your child that their feelings matter—even the hard ones.

When your child says “I hate school,” try not to jump into fix-it mode. Instead, sit with them. Let them talk about the annoying classmate, the confusing math, or the fear of reading aloud. Your listening ear often calms the storm faster than a solution can. From this place of trust, your child begins to reimagine learning as something they’re not alone in.

One mom shared how her 10-year-old son, who fiercely resisted homework, started opening up once they created a routine of reading together every evening—not school books, but funny graphic novels. Over time, this ritual built the kind of safety that made it easier to talk about school struggles and even ask for help without shame.

Teachers and peers: relationship influencers

If your child doesn't feel connected to someone at school, learning can feel like climbing a mountain alone. You might notice they withdraw, zone out, or act out. Much of this can shift, however, when a supportive teacher or kind peer enters the picture.

That’s why it’s worth nurturing these school relationships, even indirectly. Ask your child if there’s an adult at school they trust. Encourage them to name the classmates they enjoy being around. Taking a moment to email a teacher about your child’s interests or difficulties can help set the tone for a more connected classroom experience—and as we explore in this article about meaningful classroom conversations, these small relational gestures can build big academic bridges.

If your child struggles socially, it’s also worth reading about what to do if they feel like they don’t fit in, and how friendships can shape their school identity.

Learning tools that feel like connection

For kids who feel disengaged, learning tools themselves can become sources of relational warmth—if they’re built to speak to the child’s world. One dad told us how his 8-year-old son, who had ADHD and often tuned out during homework, started asking to review spelling words in the car. It wasn’t because the content changed—it was because the way he accessed it did. Audio turned out to be his learning superpower.

Sometimes, tools that invite personal engagement—like those that turn lessons into interactive experiences—spark more curiosity than worksheets ever could. Apps like Skuli, for example, can transform ordinary lessons into audio adventures using your child’s name, turning passive studying into active storytelling. When your child stars in the very material they’re meant to learn, it can shift their relationship with school from indifferent to invested.

From resistance to joy—one connection at a time

If your child struggles to love school, don’t start with grades or study techniques. Start with connection. Build bridges—at the dinner table, in little games on the way to school, in silly shared moments before bed. Help them find one friendly peer, one caring adult, one learning experience that truly sees them.

That’s how kids come to like learning. Not because they’re told to, but because it happens in a place where they feel known. And loved.

Looking for more ways to reduce school-related tension? You might enjoy our thoughts on building cooperation over competition in learning environments.