Why It's Essential to Talk About Mistakes With Your Child

The silence around failure: why it hurts more than helps

If you're a parent of a child between 6 and 12, you've probably seen it—the moment their face crumbles when a test comes back with a red mark, or the quiet tears after a math problem feels just too hard. In those moments, all you want is to protect them. Maybe you've said, "It's okay, just try again," and hoped it'd be enough. But what if—gently, lovingly—what your child needs most is not comfort, but a conversation about failure itself?

In many homes, mistakes are swept away, quickly corrected, or quietly ignored. We fear denting self-esteem. But the truth is, talking openly about failure is what helps children build confidence, not lose it. Teaching them to see mistakes as normal, useful, and even valuable helps them become resilient learners—and more emotionally stable human beings.

What children hear when we don’t talk about failure

Six-year-olds may not say it out loud, but they pick up their cues from us. When we flinch at their bad grades, gloss over setbacks, or over-celebrate only the successes, we inadvertently send a message: "Failure is dangerous. It's something to avoid or be ashamed of." That belief sits deep, and it can lead to anxiety, perfectionism, or avoidance of challenge altogether.

Consider Léa, nine years old, who stopped raising her hand in class after getting a few answers wrong. Her parents noticed she was becoming withdrawn, refusing to do homework without a fight. After several tearful evenings, her mom realized the root wasn’t laziness—it was fear. Léa thought failure meant something was wrong with her. She needed someone to explain that everyone learns through mistakes—even adults.

If this rings true for you, you're not alone. Many parents we’ve spoken to struggle with the same thing. In fact, our article on why kids compare themselves to others shows how early children internalize the idea that success means being better, and failure means being behind. But there's another way.

Turning failure into a teachable moment (without lectures)

Discussing failure isn’t about giving a speech. It’s about making space for empathy, honesty, and curiosity. The next time your child struggles, try sitting next to them and asking, “What part felt hardest?” or “What would you try differently if you could?”

These gentle questions shift the focus from shame to problem-solving. They teach your child that failure isn’t the end—it’s an invitation. More importantly, you're creating a home where vulnerability is safe. A key strategy is to also create a fear-free learning environment, where your child feels supported rather than evaluated.

Sharing your own stumbles: the parent's secret tool

One of the simplest and most effective ways to normalize failure is to share your own. Tell your child about the time you messed up dinner, made a math mistake at work, or forgot lines during a school play as a kid. Let them see that success wasn’t born—it's built brick by brick, with errors along the way.

When your child realizes that you aren’t perfect either, it gives them permission to try without fear. It also reinforces that failure doesn’t change how much we love and value one another.

Tools that help kids try again (without pressure)

Some children need more than conversation—they need ways to engage with learning that feel safe and even fun. That’s why some parents choose to use tools that allow children to review their mistakes in a low-pressure setting. For example, one mom told me how her son, Jonah, couldn’t sit still to go over his grammar mistakes. But once his lesson was turned into an audio story with him as the hero, complete with his actual first name, he begged to listen again. She used a feature from the Skuli App to transform that boring worksheet into an adventure—right there in the car.

It wasn’t about ignoring the mistake. It was about coming at it from a different angle, one that felt safe—and even empowering. When failure can be part of a story, kids stop fearing it.

Let’s stop calling it “failing”

What if failure wasn’t a dead end, but a flag saying, “Look here—something important”? A math error may be the beginning of discovering a new way to understand. A poor spelling test might highlight a need for new strategies that support your child’s learning style.

In our post about how to help kids stop blaming themselves for failure, we explore how this shift in language and mindset leads to better emotional health and academic progress. Your child doesn’t need to avoid failure—they need to know what to do with it once it happens.

Failure isn’t the opposite of learning—it IS learning

It may help to imagine failure as part of the curriculum. Just like math and reading, making and understanding mistakes is a skill your child will use forever. When families talk about failure openly, children take more risks, think more creatively, and recover faster from life’s bumps.

And if your child is struggling with anxiety around schoolwork or tests, know that emotional blocks can’t be solved with logic alone. Building a culture of self-acceptance at home, as we discuss in this article on easing test anxiety, creates the foundation kids need to bounce back stronger.

Start the conversation today

You don’t need a perfect script. Tonight at dinner, ask your child if there was anything tricky about their day. Tell them something you messed up today, too. You’ll be surprised how quickly their walls come down when failure no longer feels like failure—but just part of being human.