Why Encouragement Works Better Than Rewards for Your Child's Motivation

When Praising Matters More Than Prizes

Imagine this: your 9-year-old is hunched over their homework, sighing dramatically every couple of minutes. You offer a cookie if they finish their math problems. They perk up and power through. Victory...? Not quite.

It's tempting to rely on rewards—stickers, snacks, or extra screen time. After all, they do get results. But here's the hard truth: those results often fade. They train your child to work for what's at the end, not for the value of the work itself. Over time, it can chip away at their intrinsic curiosity, motivation, and resilience.

Encouragement, on the other hand, speaks to the heart of your child’s growing identity. Done consistently and sincerely, it builds something far more lasting than a temporary burst of focus. It shapes how your child sees themselves—as a capable learner, even when things are hard.

From "Good Job" to "I See How Hard You're Trying"

Encouragement isn’t just about positive words—it's about noticing. Rather than focusing on the result (the finished worksheet or the A on the spelling test), it hones in on the effort, risk, or progress. That’s where growth happens.

A parent I recently spoke with—Marie, mom of two—used to promise her 8-year-old a toy if he finished his reading assignments without complaining. It worked for a few weeks. Then he started negotiating—two toys for two books. When she stopped the rewards, so did the reading.

What turned things around wasn’t a new prize, but a new approach. She began noticing the small things: “I saw you kept going even when you got stuck on those big words.” “You sat down and started without me reminding you. That’s taking initiative.” As she shifted her focus, so did he. Reading became less of a transactional chore and more of a personal win.

Encouragement feels different from praise. It tells your child, “I’m paying attention to who you are and how you grow,” not just “I like what you did.” If you want a deep dive on this mindset, this article explores how positive attention fuels lasting change.

Why Rewards Can Undermine Learning

Rewards aren’t evil. But used too often, especially as the main motivator, they can actually reduce your child’s desire to learn. Research shows that external rewards can make children less likely to return to a task unless a prize is again offered. They can also contribute to school-related stress, because everything becomes high stakes.

Encouragement invites a child to find satisfaction within themselves. It whispers, “You’ve got this,” not “This is only worth doing if there's something in it for you.”

This doesn’t mean your child won’t ever want recognition—in fact, they crave it. But what they need most is someone who sees their small, quiet efforts and speaks them out loud.

After all, how many moments go unseen? The long pause before correcting their answer. The willingness to try again after a wrong one. The bravery it takes to raise their hand in class after a hard week. Encouragement is the spotlight on those moments. And they matter deeply.

Making Encouragement a Daily Habit

So how do you make this shift, especially when your child resists homework or gets easily discouraged?

Start with simple, sincere comments anchored in what you notice:

• “It looked like that was hard for you—and you did it anyway.”
• “You didn’t give up, even when it would’ve been easier to walk away.”
• “You tried a new strategy today. That’s creative thinking.”

And yes, even failures are rich with opportunities for encouragement. If your child brings home a disappointing grade, instead of rushing to fix it or offer a reward for next time, consider saying, “What do you think we can learn from this?” For more guidance on these moments, this article offers practical responses that comfort and motivate.

Gradually, your child begins to internalize these affirming messages. They become their own encourager. This is how confidence grows—not from trophies, but from truth spoken with love.

Technology That Supports Encouragement Over Rewards

Incorporating encouragement into learning isn’t just a mindset—it can be supported by the tools you choose. Some resources are designed with rewards as the end goal (badges, points, distractions). But others focus on personalization and intrinsic motivation.

For example, one surprising way to encourage emotional connection to learning is through storytelling. If your child learns better by listening—and many do—apps that transform dry lessons into narrated tales where your child is the hero (complete with their real name) can make them feel seen and motivated by the adventure of learning itself. That’s the quiet power behind the Skuli app, which turns written lessons into engaging audio adventures tailored to your child’s strengths. It works not because of prizes, but because it makes learning feel like a meaningful experience where your child matters.

Fostering the Learner Within

Most children want to learn. Truly. They just get lost in the overwhelm, the comparison, and the pressure.

As a parent, your words are more powerful than you think. Encouragement says, “I see who you are, even when others don’t.” And that kind of noticing? It outlasts gold stars every time.

If you’re unsure where to begin, take a look at how one word a day can become a lighthouse for your child. Or if your child seems stuck in a cycle of fear and self-criticism, explore why mistakes are the gateway to authentic, empowered learning.

Encouragement is not a magic wand—but it’s pretty close.