Why Are Some Children More Anxious Than Others at School?

Understanding Where School Anxiety Comes From

You're not imagining it. Some children do seem more anxious than others at school. And if you're reading this, chances are you're parenting one of them. Maybe your child cries on Sunday evenings, avoids homework like the plague, or gives vague answers when you ask about their day. You might be wondering: Why is school so hard for them, but seemingly not for others?

School anxiety isn't one-size-fits-all. For some kids, it flows from perfectionism. For others, it's rooted in learning challenges, social pressure, or even fear of making mistakes out loud. Peeling back the layers of where your child's stress comes from can help you respond with understanding—not just solutions.

When Day-to-Day Becomes a Mountain

Imagine this: A classroom full of students listens as the teacher explains a math problem. The board is filled with steps. Some children are tracking every word. Others—like your child, perhaps—are fixated on not understanding. A mistake here doesn't feel small. It feels like exposure, like failure. Their heart beats faster. Should they ask a question? What if someone laughs? Better stay silent. This is how many anxious children avoid participation, not out of defiance, but self-preservation.

These moments build over time. When school becomes a source of repeated stress or embarrassment, children begin to anticipate danger. That’s anxiety. Not laziness. Not lack of motivation. A pattern of stress attached to school environments, people, or tasks.

The Hidden Triggers Parents Might Miss

One of the hard things about school anxiety is that its causes are often invisible in the child’s behavior. Here are some common, yet often overlooked, triggers:

• Fear of failure: Some kids tie mistakes to self-worth. A wrong answer feels like a personal flaw.
• Learning differences: When a child struggles with reading, memory, or focus, everyday schoolwork becomes a battleground.
• Social stress: Lack of friendships, teasing, or the sheer pressure to fit in can make school feel unsafe.
• Sensory overload: Noise, lights, transitions—especially for sensitive or neurodivergent children—can drain their emotional energy.

If your child is dealing with one or more of these, school might feel like a marathon they didn't train for.

What School Stress Looks Like at Home

Many parents don't hear about the hard day at school. Instead, the signs show up subtly—in tantrums over homework, sudden stomachaches before class, or a refusal to talk about their school day. Your child may become irritable or withdrawn, waking up in the night or dreading Mondays.

These reactions don’t mean they’re doomed to hate school forever. But they do mean your child needs you—your presence, your patience, your belief in their potential.

One key step is helping your child find safer, more manageable ways to re-engage with learning. That might mean adjusting how information reaches them. For instance, if your child zones out during reading but lights up during bedtime stories, turning lessons into audio adventures where they become the hero (yes, with their own name!) can rekindle a sense of competence and curiosity. The Skuli App offers this feature, blending educational material with uplifting storytelling during car rides or quiet time at home—sometimes, the way we deliver knowledge matters as much as the content itself.

But Other Kids Don’t Seem This Stressed...

It's hard. You might see cousins, classmates, or siblings cruising through school without tears or anxiety attacks. It’s natural to wonder: Why is my child different?

Every child processes stress differently, based on temperament, brain wiring, past experiences—even birth order or trauma. The truth is, most families are walking their own path quietly. Just because another child doesn’t show external stress doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling internally too.

We also know from research that childhood anxiety can appear in very specific areas: one child might panic at tests, another refuses playdates, another worries silently over imagined disasters. Anxiety is personal. That’s why performance anxiety in school-aged children is less about pressure and more about identity—how they see themselves when they try and fail.

Healing Starts with Permission

You don’t have to fix everything at once. Sometimes, what helps most is giving your child—and yourself—permission to be in process. A child who trusts that their parent understands, believes in them, and doesn’t expect immediate results will start to believe in themselves too.

Practical strategies can follow. Together, you can create after-school routines that feel safe. Try low-pressure study rituals that don’t revolve around filling out worksheets. Play is therapeutic. Even games—yes, games—can rebuild academic confidence, gently.

And when things get overwhelming, the right words matter. Supporting your child with emotionally safe language during stressful moments can be key. Instead of “You have to do this,” what if we said, “It makes sense this is hard. I’m with you. We’ll do it together”?

Moving Forward, Side by Side

Your child doesn’t need to change who they are to thrive at school. What they need is time, tools, and tenderness. They need us to see their anxiety for what it is: not a weakness, but a signal. A call for connection, not correction.

Anxious children often grow into deeply empathetic, intuitive, resourceful adults—but only if they’re supported, not shamed, in their early struggles. So if you're here, reading this, seeking answers, you're already the parent your child needs most.