What to Do When Your Partner Disagrees with Positive Parenting

When Two Loving Parents Don't Agree

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve found a parenting approach that resonates with you—maybe it’s positive parenting. You’ve noticed the calmer mornings, the deeper conversations, the fewer meltdowns. But there’s a sticking point: your partner isn’t on board. Maybe they think praise is “soft,” or consequences need to be harsher. And in the quiet tension between you, you wonder: how can we parent together when we don’t agree?

This isn’t just your problem. Many parents find themselves in this very situation, quietly navigating different beliefs rooted in how they were raised, what they’ve learned, or even just what feels intuitive to them. Let’s take a compassionate, practical look at how to move forward—together.

Start with Curiosity, Not Convincing

It’s tempting to approach your partner with books, podcasts, and research. But if they feel criticized or cornered, the reaction may be resistance—not because they don’t care, but because they feel unheard. So begin not by persuading, but by listening. Ask questions like:

• “What do you think is most important for our child to learn right now?”
• “What worries you the most when our child refuses to do homework or misbehaves?”
• “What did discipline feel like for you as a kid?”

These kinds of conversations open doors. You begin to understand not just what your partner believes, but why. And that changes the tone from adversarial to collaborative. You’re not arguing right or wrong—you’re exploring how to support your child together.

Find Small Places of Agreement

Even the most divided parents usually share similar goals: you both want your child to be kind, responsible, capable, and well-regulated. While your methods may differ, your destination is likely the same. Focus on that shared intention and build from there.

One mom I spoke with told me how she and her husband finally agreed on using natural consequences. She wanted to eliminate yelling; he felt kids needed “real consequences.” They compromised by letting their son stay up late one night (despite their warnings) and face his tiredness the next morning. It was a gentle, respectful learning moment—and both parents felt like they were being heard.

Sometimes you’ll find middle ground through experiments. Try something for a week: a no-yelling approach, a nightly check-in with your child, a new routine for homework. Let the results speak for themselves.

Let Your Actions Speak

If your partner is skeptical of your parenting methods, one of the most powerful things you can do is simply live them. Model the effect of calm, respectful connection. Let them see how your tone can de-escalate a meltdown, how listening to your child can ease homework frustration, how offering choices can spark cooperation.

Real change often comes through observation, not lectures. If your partner sees your child beginning to willingly do their homework because you’ve made it a game, they’ll be more open to your approach. Tools can help with this too. Some parents have used the Skuli App to create personalized audio adventures to turn dry math lessons into exciting quests—where their child is the hero, not the student. Imagine playing that during a car ride and hearing your child beg for the next chapter. Sometimes, your partner just needs to see the outcome to believe in the process.

Respect Differences While Holding Boundaries

If your partner uses a firmer tone, or expects certain behaviors, that doesn’t make them “bad” or “rigid.” The key is protecting your child from confusing mixed messages without creating parenting battles. Here’s a phrase that helps many families:

“We do things a little differently, but we both love you and want what’s best.”

This models respect for differences. And where it really matters—like how you speak to your child, what values you teach—you can lead by example without invalidating your partner. If certain methods (like spanking or mocking) are non-negotiable for you, speak openly and firmly, preferably outside the heat of the moment. And reinforce consistency on core rules: bedtime, screen time, homework expectations.

When You're Running on Empty

Parenting disagreements are exhausting—especially when you’re already tired from mediating homework battles or helping a child with learning challenges. When your energy is low, emotional reactivity goes up. And it’s hard to stay anchored when your partner undercuts what you’ve just said.

This article on positive parenting when you’re overwhelmed offers gentle reminders about prioritizing self-care and letting go of perfection. Sometimes the most loving act is to take a breath and not engage in the moment. You can return to the conversation later, when your nervous system isn’t in survival mode.

In the meantime, create small rituals that restore your sense of calm—like sitting outside after the kids are in bed, or playing music while making breakfast. When you’re grounded, you’ll be better able to extend understanding to both your child and your co-parent.

Build Bridges, Not Walls

There is no single “right” way to parent—only choices we make, every day, to be intentional and loving. Positive parenting isn’t about being perfect, and it isn’t about control. It’s about connection. And that applies just as much to your relationship with your partner as with your child.

If you're finding your patience stretched, this piece on staying calm during parenting conflict may resonate. And if you're looking for ways to support respectful behavior without bribes or punishment, this article digs deeper.

At the end of the day, disagreements are part of every relationship. What matters most is how you navigate them together—as allies on the same team, learning to trust not only yourselves, but each other.