What to Do When Your Child Doesn't Want to Talk About Their School Day
When "How Was School?" Leads to Silence
Every parent has been there—you greet your child at the school gate or over dinner with a hopeful, "How was your day?" only to receive a shrug, a mumble, or a very firm, "I don't know." For many parents, this quiet resistance can feel frustrating, even worrying. You want to stay connected, support their learning, and understand what’s going on in their world. But that door isn’t always easy to open.
If your child is between 6 and 12 and shutting down when asked about school, you’re not alone. At this age, kids are navigating a surge in social complexity, academic pressure, and internal emotions they don't always have the words for. Often, silence isn't a sign that something is wrong—but that they don’t yet know how to let you in. The good news? There are ways to make space for communication without forcing it—and ways to stay connected to their learning even in silence.
Start with Their Basic Needs
Imagine coming home from a long, tiring workday, and the moment you walk through the door, someone quizzes you: "What did you do today? Who did you sit next to? What was your most stressful moment?" It would feel like an interrogation, wouldn’t it? Kids need time and space to transition out of their school day just as we do. Before launching into questions, consider their immediate needs: Do they seem hungry? Exhausted? In need of quiet time or play?
Sometimes just offering a snack, sharing a laugh, or doing something low-pressure together can open more doors than a direct question. Connection often grows in the quiet moments, not the demanding ones.
Rethink the Questions You Ask
“How was your day?” is a tough question to answer, even for adults. It’s vague, and it asks for a summary of too much at once. Instead, get more intentional. Trade broad questions for simple, low-stakes prompts like:
- "What was the funniest thing that happened today?"
- "Did your teacher read a book out loud? What was it about?"
- "If today was a color, what color would it be?"
These playful or specific questions often lead to surprising insights. And if they’re still not responding? Let it be. Sometimes, the best way to open up your child is by giving them permission not to talk—for now.
Build Communication Through Shared Experiences
Talking about school doesn’t always have to start with talking. Children often process their day through play, art, or storytelling. Try baking together with music playing, or doodling side by side. Kids may blurt something out mid-cookie mix, or while drawing a character from a book they read at school. Don’t overlook these as real moments of communication.
Another powerful way to connect is through mutual learning. For instance, try reviewing school materials together in a fun, low-pressure way. One parent shared how their daughter, a reluctant talker, became excited when her lesson on volcanoes was turned into a personalized audio adventure where she was the brave explorer. With her name woven into the story and learning disguised as play, she couldn't wait to discuss every detail afterward. (This kind of magic is exactly what tools like Skuli can help spark—while also reinforcing academics.)
Acknowledge the Stress Beneath the Silence
Sometimes silence isn't just about disinterest—it’s about overwhelm. School is full of challenging moments: misunderstandings with friends, trouble finishing an assignment, feeling lost during class. If your child feels anxious or inadequate, they may not want to relive those moments by talking about them. In those cases, the best thing you can do is offer emotional safety. Let them know it’s okay to feel big feelings, and that you’re a safe place, not just a homework-checker or question-asker.
Creating a calm, low-pressure environment around schoolwork, too, can encourage kids to open up. If sitting down to study always feels like a battleground, try rethinking the space and approach. You might appreciate this reflection on how to create a calm and motivating study space, tailored to your child’s sensory and emotional needs.
Trust the Long Game
It’s easy to feel panicked when you feel shut out of your child’s school world. But remember, relationships are built in layers, not single conversations. The more consistently you show up—without pressure, without judgment, with empathy—the more your child will learn that you’re there for them when they’re ready to open up. You don’t need to know the minute-by-minute breakdown of their day to stay connected to their learning journey.
There are many creative ways to remain involved: reading their school books together, incorporating playful at-home activities that reinforce what they're learning (this list of fun and meaningful activities might offer some inspiration), or exploring whether everyday listening tools (like turning their written materials into audio they can enjoy in the car or while relaxing) match your child's learning style.
You’re Doing Better Than You Think
If your child isn’t opening up about school, it doesn’t mean you’re failing as a parent. You're showing up, asking the questions, and seeking tools to support them—which already puts you in the category of a deeply caring, conscious caregiver.
Want more food for thought? This piece on the powerful role parents can play in academic success might offer assurance that your presence, even in quiet moments, matters more than you know.
So next time your child clams up about their day, take a breath. Let the conversation come on its own terms. Trust that curiosity, patience, and presence are more effective than pushing for answers. And never underestimate the power of simply being there—in silence or in play, in questions or in cookies.