What to Do When Your Child Doesn’t Want to Go to School Due to Stress

Understanding Where the Refusal Really Comes From

When your child says, “I don’t want to go to school anymore,” it can feel like the ground is shifting under your feet. For some parents, it triggers anxiety, frustration, even guilt. But behind those words, there’s always a message. A 7-year-old or 10-year-old rarely has the language to say, “I’m overwhelmed by expectations,” or “I’m afraid of failing,” or “My classroom doesn't feel safe.” All they know is the discomfort — and the impulse to escape it.

Take a deep breath. Your child isn’t trying to manipulate or avoid without reason. Something is too heavy for their still-developing emotional toolbox. Whether it’s performance anxiety, social difficulties, or fear of being judged during tests, school-related stress is more common than we often realize.

Start by Listening, Not Fixing

Many of us jump straight into problem-solving: “Maybe we can talk to your teacher,” or “You have to get used to it, sweetie.” Instead, what most kids need first is to feel seen. Find a quiet time — maybe while walking the dog or driving together — and ask gently:

“What’s the hardest part about school right now?”

And then be ready to wait. Resist the urge to interrupt or soothe too quickly. The answers can come in fragments — an annoying classmate, too much homework, a fear of being called on in class. Give them the space to be honest without pressure or judgment.

Co-Create a Plan You Can Stick To

Once your child has shared — even a little — it becomes easier to build small changes that restore their sense of control.

For example, if your child feels anxious about not understanding lessons in class, talk to the teacher to see how they can revisit the material at their own pace. If the mornings are a daily battlefield, consider ways to make the exit routine calmer — even if that means waking up 10 minutes earlier, or letting them choose their own clothes the night before.

And sometimes, the stress isn’t about the schedule — it’s about how hard school feels. That’s when tools adapted to how your child learns can be useful. For instance, if your child retains information better through hearing than reading, turning written lessons into audio can make a big difference. Services like the Skuli App even let kids revisit lessons as personalized audio adventures where they’re the hero — which can make learning feel less intimidating and more empowering.

Find a Safe Space Outside the Classroom

When school becomes a source of repeated stress, having a space where your child feels confident and accepted is vital. This doesn’t need to be an academic setting. It might be a drama class, an art club, the local football team, or even a weekend book club.

Look for opportunities where your child can succeed without pressure, where their strengths are visible — and not always measured.

Rebuild Confidence One Step at a Time

Children who start refusing school due to anxiety often feel powerless. One helpful approach is to find daily or weekly moments of mastery. Let your child teach you something interesting they learned, or turn a tricky lesson into a game. You can even take a photo of a difficult exercise and transform it into a personalized quiz — something they can do on their own terms. Engaging learning this way not only reinforces knowledge, but also reminds them: “I do know things.”

We explain more on how to turn homework into play — a method that has helped many kids reconnect with learning joyfully.

When to Worry — and When to Hold On

If your child’s school anxiety is persistent and worsening — crying daily, struggling to sleep, or showing physical symptoms like stomach aches — it may be time to consult a child psychologist. These signs can indicate underlying issues like social anxiety, learning disorders, or bullying that require deeper intervention.

That said, not every school refusal signals a long-term crisis. Many children go through peaks of stress — a difficult teacher, preparation for exams, or a friendship issue. With the right support, empathy, and rhythm at home, most rebound.

You’re Not Alone. They’re Not Alone.

Every parent eventually hits that moment where they wonder: “Am I doing this right?” But the very fact that you're reading this, searching for understanding, proves that you’re already showing up in a powerful way.

Your child doesn’t need perfection. They need presence. Encouragement. Tools adapted to their quirks and strengths. A safe place to land after a hard school day. And sometimes, information framed in a fun, interactive way they actually enjoy engaging with.

You might also find comfort in our article on ways to reduce stress at home — subtle shifts that create a more relaxed atmosphere for everyone.

School struggles don’t make your child broken, or you inadequate. They are a signal — not a sentence. With time, curiosity, and support, most kids bounce back stronger, more self-aware… and with a healthier lifelong relationship to learning.

Want to dive deeper into how school stress affects kids aged 6 to 12? We've written a full guide right here for you.