What to Do When the Teacher Says Your Child Is Struggling at School

When the Meeting Leaves You Worried

You step into the parent-teacher conference expecting the usual rundown—some praise, a few reminders. But then, the teacher gently says it: “Your child is having some difficulties.” Suddenly, there’s a weight sitting heavy in your chest. Questions swirl in your mind: Is it serious? Have I missed something? What does this mean for their future?

If you're reading this, you probably know what that moment feels like. First, let’s take a deep breath together. Whether it’s about focus, reading comprehension, math struggles, or even emotional challenges in class—what matters now is how we respond. Not just to the teacher, but to your child, and to yourself.

Process, Don’t Panic

Hearing that your child is “in difficulty” can trigger waves of self-doubt. It’s tempting to jump to conclusions or to immediately start pointing fingers—at the teacher, your child, or even yourself. But slowing down is essential. Most children face academic or emotional hurdles at some point in their school journey. What matters isn't the challenge itself, but how we help them navigate it.

Think of this moment as a checkpoint—not a diagnosis, not a sentence. It's an opening for understanding, collaboration, and possibly, transformation.

Get Curious, Not Defensive

When teachers bring up concerns, they’re usually hoping to start a partnership. They see your child in a different setting, one filled with structure, expectations, and sometimes distractions. Ask them to be specific. Here are some questions you might bring to the conversation:

• Can you give me concrete examples of where you’re noticing difficulties?
• Do the challenges seem academic, behavioral, or both?
• When does my child seem most engaged—or frustrated?

Avoid positioning yourself or the teacher as the enemy. Instead, think like a team—one that works best when both home and school communicate openly and honestly.

Talk to Your Child—And Listen Carefully

After hearing from the teacher, it’s time to hear from the most important voice: your child’s. But this conversation needs care. Instead of saying, “Your teacher said you’re not doing well” (which can trigger guilt or defensiveness), you might say, “Your teacher and I talked today. They shared some things they’re seeing in class. I’d really like to know how you’re feeling about school lately.”

Let your child tell their story. Maybe it’s hard to concentrate with so many kids. Maybe they’re confused by the way math is taught, or they feel like giving up before trying. These admissions don’t always come easily—give them time, and keep checking in gently over the next few days or weeks.

And remember: children's feelings about learning often shape their outcomes more than their abilities do. Supporting their confidence is as crucial as supporting their skills. For more guidance, this article on motivating easily discouraged kids may offer helpful tools.

Find a Rhythm That Works for Your Family

Once you have more clarity, it’s time to adapt—not overhaul—your child’s learning life. Sometimes, struggles come down to mismatched learning styles rather than true ability gaps. If reading comprehension is low, consider listening-based reinforcement. If homework is overwhelming, try breaking it into smaller, goal-oriented tasks with built-in breaks.

Some parents have found it helpful to transform traditional study time into interactive, personalized moments. For example, apps like Skuli quietly support diverse learners by turning written lessons into audio versions—or even exciting audio adventures where the child is the hero, complete with their first name and voice cues. For auditory learners or kids who thrive on stories, this kind of support can make a noticeable difference, especially during moments like car rides or downtime before bed.

Measure Progress Differently

You may need to adjust how you define success—at least for now. Look for effort over results. Did your child try a new approach? Did they ask for help instead of shutting down? These tiny wins are the cornerstones of future achievement. In fact, this guide to celebrating progress in non-academic ways offers additional ideas for keeping the bigger picture in mind.

Also, remember that growth isn’t always linear. Your child might struggle this semester and blossom the next. Here’s a powerful reminder that a rocky start doesn’t write the rest of the story.

Explore Alternative Learning Paths

In some cases, traditional methods just don’t click. That’s okay. Many kids thrive once they are shown a different door—a new way to absorb, practice, or connect with material. Whether it’s project-based learning, audio content, visual aids, or movement-based memorization, the world is now full of tools we didn’t have growing up.

If this speaks to you, you may want to look into alternative learning methods tailored to non-traditional learners.

You’re Not Alone in This

If you take only one thing from this article, let it be this: struggles at school do not define your child. Nor do they reflect a lack of love, will, or care on your part. They are clues—telling you where your child needs more support, better tools, and, most importantly, unwavering faith from the people who matter most.

Whatever the next meeting brings, you’ve already taken an extraordinary first step—asking, not reacting. Seeking a way forward, not a place to lay blame. That’s the heart of parenting through struggle. And your child is lucky to have you in their corner.