What Kids Don't Say About School Between the Ages of 6 and 12

Understanding the Silence Behind 'It Was Fine'

If you’ve ever asked your child how their day at school went and received a shrug or a mumbled "fine," you’re not alone. Between the ages of 6 and 12, children begin to internalize complex thoughts and emotions, but they don’t yet have the words or confidence to express them openly. As a parent, it can feel frustrating—and heartbreaking—not knowing what’s truly going on.

Children often hold back from sharing their real experiences at school. Not because they don’t trust you or don’t want to communicate, but because they don’t always understand their own feelings, or they’re unsure how to put them into words. These are the non-verbal cues and silences we’re exploring in this article—the quiet, sometimes invisible weight of school in a child’s daily life.

Why Children Stay Silent

Consider Max, an eight-year-old who suddenly started coming home quiet and withdrawn. When his parents asked about his day, he said everything was "okay." But under that surface was a growing sense of discouragement. Max was struggling to keep up with multiplication, but he didn’t want to admit it—not to his teacher, not to his friends, and certainly not to his parents.

More than we realize, school becomes an arena where children fear judgment. Even the most supportive homes can feel like another source of pressure for a child trying to meet invisible standards. Max wasn’t lying; he simply didn’t feel safe enough—emotionally—to unpack his confusion or ask for help.

This silence is common. According to conversations we’ve had with educators and child psychologists, children may stay quiet because:

• They fear disappointing their parents.
• They internalize struggles as personal failures.
• They haven’t yet made sense of what’s bothering them.
• They associate school with feelings of anxiety or powerlessness.

To them, silence can feel safer than awkward honesty.

What Silence Can Look Like

It’s easy to assume a quiet child is content, but silence has many faces. It can look like:

• Suddenly dreading school even if they used to love it.
• Being overly tired after school and escaping into screens or solitude.
• Refusing to complete homework—not out of laziness, but stress.

These behaviors are messages in disguise. To understand what’s really going on, we need to watch behaviors with curiosity instead of binary logic (good vs. bad, hard-working vs. lazy).

You’ll find helpful insights on how kids subtly talk through their behavior in our article What Your Child Really Means When They Talk About Class.

Creating Safe Openings for Conversation

The solution isn’t to push, interrogate, or burden kids with endless questions. Instead, the goal is to make sharing emotionally safe and emotionally useful. Here are a few ways parents have had more success opening up real conversations:

1. Rituals that invite storytelling
Try creating a simple, consistent after-school ritual—a walk with the dog, a drink at the kitchen counter, a short car ride with music. These moments provide non-threatening opportunities for children to share, on their own terms.

2. Ask better questions
Instead of “How was your day?” try “What was something funny that happened today?” or “Did anything surprise you?” These make children curious and reflective, not defensive. Check out these playful ways to get your child talking.

3. Be okay with not getting answers right away
Sometimes, the real story comes out much later—at bedtime or during dinner prep. When your child knows they won’t be judged or rushed, they may talk more over time.

Empathy in Action: Responding, Not Fixing

When your child finally shares something difficult—perhaps about not understanding a lesson or being teased by a classmate—our first instinct is often to solve it. But what they usually need first is validation: “That sounds hard,” or “I’m glad you told me.”

By acknowledging their experience instead of redirecting or solving, you help build their trust in future conversations. Only after that can you brainstorm solutions together—whether it’s talking to the teacher or creating a study plan.

Empowerment begins when your child feels heard. If you're looking for ways to gently support academic confidence without pressure, consider tools that let your child explore school content in fresh, personal ways. For example, one family I know struggled to get their daughter motivated for spelling practice—until they started turning her vocabulary list into a personalized audio adventure where she became the main character using her own name. Tools like the Skuli App on iOS and Android can do just that, transforming learning into an engaging story-driven experience that reconnects kids to school through play.

Respecting a Child’s Pace

You can’t force openness, but you can invite it. By becoming attentive to the silences—not just the loud complaints—you become your child’s safe harbor. Building that trust may take time, but with consistent warmth and patience, most children begin to share more freely.

For more ideas, take a look at our guide on empowering your child to speak openly.

Remember: Progress Is Not Always Spoken Aloud

Sometimes, just helping your child feel more at ease with school is the biggest win—not perfect grades or total openness. Progress often shows up in smaller ways: a sudden willingness to try homework without fear, a shared laugh about something that happened at school, or a quiet “Can you help me with this?”

If you’re wondering whether your child is growing even if they aren’t talking much about it, read our insights on how kids actually perceive their own progress—you might be surprised by what’s going on beneath the surface.

Above all, give yourself grace. You’re doing the quiet, powerful work of being present—and that matters more than you know.