What Is Compassionate Assessment and How Can You Tell If Your Child Is Progressing?

When Grades Don’t Tell the Full Story

You’ve looked over the report card again and again. The grades seem average — a mix of C’s, maybe a B here and there. But you’ve seen your child work hard, try to stay focused despite distractions, and even open up about how tricky long division or that one science concept feels. So, how do you know if your child is actually learning, growing, progressing?

For many parents, especially when a child struggles with homework or feels stressed by school, progress can’t be measured by a single letter or number. It takes more than a grade to truly capture learning growth. That’s where the idea of compassionate assessment — or benevolent evaluation — comes in. It’s about shifting the focus from outcome to development, from ranking to understanding.

The Small Signs that Mean a Lot

Progress isn’t always loud. In fact, it's often quiet — a child who asks more questions than yesterday, starts homework without being prompted, or doesn’t cry over a failed quiz but instead wonders what they can do differently next time. These small victories tell a deeper story than a single test score.

One mom I spoke with shared how her 9-year-old, who has dyslexia, used to think he was “bad at school.” Yet over time, she noticed he began to use strategies independently — highlighting text, asking to record explanations rather than write them — signs he was learning how to learn. And that was real progress.

Sometimes knowing whether your child is learning means paying attention to:

• How they approach a difficult task (with avoidance or curiosity?)
• The questions they ask about a topic they're studying
• The connections they make between school and real life ("This reminds me of when we went to the museum!")
• Whether they seem more confident or resilient week to week

Reimagining Evaluation at Home

If your child dreads tests or comes home crushed by red pen marks, it may be time to rethink how you offer feedback at home. A compassionate approach focuses on effort and process, not just performance. One helpful resource on this is our guide on how to celebrate your child’s efforts even when their grades don’t reflect them.

Instead of asking, “What did you get on the spelling test?” try, “What strategy did you use to remember the difficult words?” Instead of “Why didn't you do better?” ask, “Was anything confusing or surprising during the test?”

Better yet, help your child reflect on their own learning journey. Once a week, sit down with them and revisit the work they’ve done. Ask them what felt hard, what they’re proud of, and what they’d like help understanding better.

Alternatives to Traditional Grades

The great news? You're not alone if you're questioning grades as the best sign of learning. More and more educators and parents are exploring alternatives to grading that emphasize feedback, growth, and skill development.

Some families now use learning journals, progress portfolios, or even short video summaries where kids explain what they’ve learned in their own words. These approaches not only help track understanding but also build metacognition — the ability to think about one’s own thinking, which is critical for long-term learning.

Curious how to do this meaningfully without adding to your own mental load? A dad recently told me how his daughter, who struggles with focus during reading, now listens to her science lessons turned into audio adventures — starring herself as the heroine — while in the car. They use a feature from the educational app Skuli, which transforms lessons into personalized stories, making it easier to absorb complex topics while fostering joy and narrative thinking.

Progress at Their Own Pace

Every child learns differently. Some soar in structure, others bloom in chaos. And while the school system often expects uniformity, your home can be the place where your child is reminded that growth isn’t a race. Slow learning isn’t failed learning.

If you need more clarity on how to gauge whether your child is developing academically, try this reflection: over the past month, what's one thing they've started doing that they didn’t before? Maybe they explain ideas in more depth, or choose to read about something on their own.

This perspective shift — what we call measuring motion, not destination — also keeps you from losing hope on tough days. Because even when progress feels invisible, a compassionate lens helps you see the learning that’s happening under the surface.

Trusting Your Observations

At the end of the day, you are one of the most important witnesses to your child’s growth. Teachers see snapshots. You see the full film. So trust your insights. If your child is picking up new vocabulary on their own, asking smarter questions, or showing a flicker of pride they didn’t have before — that counts. That is progress.

And if you're still unsure, keep tracking gently. There’s a thoughtful guide here on how to track your child’s learning progress without relying on report cards — it explores different ways to tune in, step back, and truly see what's blooming over time.

It’s okay to want proof that your child is moving forward. Just remember: that proof won’t always come stamped on a worksheet or sent home in an envelope. Sometimes, it’s as quiet as a child asking, “Can I try that one more time?”