Should You Let Your Child Make Mistakes? Insights for Parents of Kids Aged 6–12

When Watching Them Struggle Hurts You More Than Them

Every parent of a 6- to 12-year-old has faced this moment: your child is sitting at the kitchen table, pencil clutched tightly, shoulders slumping lower with every mistake. Maybe it's missed math problems on homework, misspelled words in a book report, or one of those situations where they're afraid to even try because they “know” they’ll get it wrong. And you—stuck between your instinct to protect them and your desire to help—are left wondering: Should I step in and fix this? Or is it better to let them struggle a little?

Why Mistakes Are More Than Just Wrong Answers

We live in a world where achievement is celebrated, perfection is praised, and flaws are fixed. But learning doesn't follow that equation. For children between 6 and 12, this is the age of exploration, experimentation, and yes—error. Mistakes aren't roadblocks; they're stepping stones. When a child makes a mistake and is guided through understanding it, something powerful happens: their brain grows.

Psychologists call this productive failure: the process by which learners gain deeper understanding by making and correcting their own mistakes. It's not about letting your child flounder endlessly. It's about trusting that a stumble can lead to strength—provided they feel safe enough to fall in the first place.

Fear of Failing: A Hidden Roadblock

What if your child isn't just making mistakes—but is terrified of them? This fear can take many forms: perfectionism, avoiding homework entirely, or full-on panic before a test. In these cases, mistakes aren’t just errors—they're threats to identity. If your child thinks, "If I fail, I'm dumb," they won't risk trying. That’s when learning stops.

In these moments, what they need most is emotional safety. Reassure them, “Making a mistake doesn't mean you’re bad at this—it means you’re learning.” And if you’re dealing with intense anxiety, you might want to read this guide on calming test panic or this article on fear of making mistakes.

But... Isn’t It My Job to Help?

Yes, absolutely. But "helping" and "rescuing" are not synonymous. Helping means walking beside your child—not ahead of them, clearing every bump from the path. When we anticipate every potential failure and rush in to prevent it, we unintentionally communicate: "You can’t handle this without me."

Instead, try this: when your child faces a problem they can’t immediately solve, resist the urge to provide the answer. Ask, “What do you think you could try?” or “What’s another way to look at this?” Guide them in strategies—not shortcuts.

A Real-Life Story: Leo’s Math Meltdown

Leo, age 9, had a deep fear of math. When word problems appeared, he froze. His dad, exhausted from long workdays, often ended up doing parts of the math homework just to avoid the 45-minute struggle. But Leo wasn’t getting better—in fact, his confidence plummeted.

His dad decided to try something new: he let Leo attempt each problem on his own first, even if the answers were wrong. Then they’d revisit the questions together—and instead of fixing the wrong answers, his dad would ask: “Show me how you got here.” It wasn’t easy at first—but over time, Leo stopped fearing wrong answers because he knew they were just part of the process. Soon, he was explaining his reasoning out loud—and discovering his own errors before Dad did.

Creating a Safe Space to Err

So how do we make our home a place where mistakes are safe—and even welcomed?

• Celebrate Effort, Not Just Outcome: When your child gets something wrong, praise their problem-solving process, curiosity, or perseverance. Say, "I love how hard you worked on that—even though it was tricky."
• Model Mistakes: Let them see you mess up—and recover. Say, "Oops! I burned dinner. That happens. Let’s try again."
• Offer Gentle Reflection: Instead of pointing out what's wrong, ask, "Is there another way you could try this? What might happen if...?"

It also helps to give your child learning tools that are tailored to how they think. For example, some kids find it easier to catch their own mistakes when they hear them aloud. Apps like Skuli let you turn written lessons into audio adventures that place your child inside the story—using their first name. When kids feel part of the process (and the narrative), mistakes become plot twists—not failures.

When to Step In—and When to Step Back

Let’s be clear: letting your child make mistakes isn’t about abandoning them. It means staying close while allowing space. If they're spiraling into frustration, or starting to say things like "I’m useless. I can’t do it", that’s your cue to pause the task and focus on emotional support first.

But if they’re simply wrestling with a tough idea, try holding back. Let them struggle a little. Let them persist. And when they do figure it out—watch their eyes light up. That’s self-efficacy being born.

Final Thoughts: Mistakes Are a Gift

It’s hard, we know. You want to save them from disappointment, from failure, from self-doubt. But real learning is messy—it stumbles before it sprints. Your job isn’t to prevent every fall. It’s to build the kind of relationship where, no matter how many times they trip, they know you’ll be there—not carrying them, but cheering them on as they rise.

If your child is feeling discouraged, this reflective piece on how to encourage kids who’ve lost their love of learning might offer a helpful next step. And remember: the magic often happens right after the mistake—not before it.