Praise or Grades? The Most Effective Way to Measure Your Child’s Real Progress

When School Becomes a Scoreboard

Your child just got their latest math quiz back. It’s a 67%. You see the red pen, the circled mistakes, the disappointed look on their face—and your heart tightens. You know they tried. You sat with them through the frustration of regrouping subtraction and explained decimals over breakfast. And yet here it is: 67%, like a verdict.

Is this really the best way to evaluate their effort? Their curiosity? Their progress? If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether reinforcing grades or praising effort gets better results—not just academically but emotionally—you’re far from alone.

What Are We Really Measuring?

Grades offer a sense of clarity. A 90% looks better than a 60%. But the truth is, these numbers often tell a very narrow story. They capture performance in a moment—not growth over time. They don’t show resilience, creativity, or the courage it takes for a child to ask a question in front of the class.

And for many kids—especially those struggling with learning challenges—grades can quickly become internalized as identity. “I’m bad at math.” “I’m not smart.” You may have noticed this in your own child. Over time, motivation fades, replaced by anxiety and avoidance. If this sounds familiar, this article offers strategies to reframe your child's mindset around learning.

The Alternative: Recognizing Meaningful Progress

So what’s the alternative? It’s not about ignoring achievement—it’s about noticing the deeper kind. Recognition that isn’t tied to being perfect, but to being brave enough to try. Shifting from “You got an A, good job!” to “I saw how you stuck with that hard problem even when it got frustrating—that was impressive.”

These moments may not show up on a report card, but they are the true markers of progress. In fact, praising strategy, persistence, or curiosity develops what's known as a growth mindset—a powerful predictor of long-term academic success. You can learn more about this in our post on invisible learning and how to spot it.

Stories Are More Powerful Than Scores

Let me tell you about Claire, a mother of an 8-year-old boy named Sam. Sam struggled with writing, particularly spelling. Every test he brought back left him sullen. Claire decided to shift her focus. She started praising not the end result, but the small efforts: organizing his ideas, writing a second draft, asking for help.

They also used an app that lets you turn a photo of a school lesson into a story, where Sam became the main character, using his name and voice. Suddenly, he wasn't just reviewing grammar—he was escaping from a castle by solving punctuation puzzles. It made his learning feel fun again, less threatening. (One of those small tools, like the Skuli App, available on iOS and Android, offers audio adventures where kids become the hero—perfect for children like Sam who need to reconnect with the joy of learning.)

What to Say Instead of "Good Job!"

If you’re used to focusing on grades, this shift might feel awkward at first. That’s okay. Try using observations like:

• “I noticed you kept working, even when it was hard.”
• “The way you explained that idea was really clear.”
• “It seemed like you had more fun with this assignment—what was different for you?”

These comments promote self-awareness and confidence—tools that last longer than any sticker on a spelling test.

Your goal isn't just academic improvement. It’s sustainability. A child who feels like their efforts matter is far more likely to keep trying, to engage, to enjoy learning altogether. For more day-to-day ways to nurture this, check out our article on supporting learning at home without emphasizing performance.

What If My Child Still Cares About Grades?

Children don’t live in a vacuum. If their peers compare grades, it’s natural that your child might still crave those high numbers. And there's nothing wrong with that—achievement matters. But the idea is to balance it. Show them they are more than their scores.

One helpful trick: highlight their learning “wins” that aren’t tied to schoolwork. Did they build a fort with impressive engineering? Solve a conflict with a sibling using clever communication? All of these require skills schools value—even if they aren’t on the test. You can learn how to amplify these learning moments in our post on how to spark learning without linking it to grades.

The End Goal Isn't the Grade—It's Growth

The question isn’t whether we should toss out grades entirely. It’s: “Are we seeing the full picture of who our kids are and how far they’ve come?” When we trade a narrow snapshot for a wider lens—one that includes effort, improvement, and emotional courage—we empower our children in ways no test score can reach.

It's not about whether you’ve given enough praise or whether your child earned an A. It’s about building a foundation from which they’ll grow proud, resilient, and ready to face the next challenge.