My Child Refuses to Visit Their Dad: What Can I Do as a Divorced Mom?

When a Weekend Exchange Becomes a Source of Tears

It's Friday afternoon. Your daughter is clutching her backpack, eyes wide and tearful. "I don’t want to go to Dad’s," she whispers. Your heart tightens. You know the custody schedule. You've packed her favorite pajamas, her stuffed bunny, her homework. And yet she stands there, motionless. You suddenly feel like you’re choosing between following legal obligations and protecting her emotional state.

If this situation feels painfully familiar, you're not alone. Many moms experience these heartbreaking moments after divorce, often unsure whether to push, negotiate, or simply console. A child refusing to go to the other parent's home can stir up anxiety, guilt, and confusion. But it can also be an invitation—to listen more deeply, observe more carefully, and advocate with compassion.

Start by Understanding the “Why”

Before you can support your child or address concerns with their father, try to explore what’s really behind the refusal. Children aged 6 to 12 often lack the emotional vocabulary to explain why they’re distressed. Their "no" could mean many different things:

• They’re missing the comforts of home (e.g., their bed, their routine)
• They feel tension with their dad or his new partner
• They're overwhelmed by transition and change
• Something more serious is causing discomfort or concern

Gentle, unpressured conversation can open the door. Stay curious. Ask open-ended questions when your child is calm or doing something they enjoy. For example: “What parts do you like at Dad’s house? Are there parts you wish were different?”

Also remember: children may trial their limits with the parent they feel safest with. If your child throws a tantrum with you, it may mean they trust you enough to express their emotions freely—including fear or ambivalence.

Avoid Jumping to Quick Fixes or Blame

It can be tempting to think, “He must be doing something wrong,” or to want to rescue your child by skipping visits. But acting too quickly without all the facts can strain already fragile co-parenting dynamics and may not truly help your child in the long run.

If possible, speak directly with the other parent to share what you’ve noticed—focus on observable behaviors rather than accusations. For example, “Lina seemed really upset and said she didn’t want to go. She mentioned feeling bored during visits. Can we brainstorm some ideas together?” These kinds of emotionally regulated conversations can help you develop a shared plan—even if your co-parenting relationship isn’t perfect.

Validate First, Then Guide

Whether or not you agree with your child’s reasons, their feelings are real. Listening with empathy doesn’t mean you’ll cancel the visit or “take sides.” It means you respect their experience and help them process it.

Try affirming statements like:

• “It sounds like something’s been hard about going to Dad’s.”
• “I’m glad you told me. Let’s talk about how we can make things feel better.”

From there, you can begin guiding them through their discomfort—not erasing it, but helping them feel more empowered. For example, if your child says they get bored at their dad’s house, help them pack books, puzzles, or even favorite lessons turned into audio adventures (for kids who enjoy learning on the go, apps like Skuli can turn their reading into personalized hero journeys, using your child’s first name—making transitions feel more exciting and less like interruptions in their routine).

If the Refusal Persists

If your child continues resisting visits, and especially if emotions become intense or disruptive, it may be time to seek a professional perspective. A child therapist with experience in post-divorce dynamics can provide a safe space for your child to express themselves—and can help differentiate between surface-level resistance and deeper distress.

Sometimes the refusal is a temporary expression of grief or adjustment. Sometimes it’s a sign of a more complex problem, including subtle (or overt) conflict between parents. Rest assured you’re not overreacting by asking for support. You’re being proactive.

It’s also worth reading more about how to support children emotionally after separation—especially when they begin voicing discomfort or confusion about their living arrangements.

Respecting the Legal Boundaries—and the Human Ones

Family court orders can feel rigid when your real-life child is curled up on the couch, refusing to go. But decisions about visitation can’t simply be changed overnight, and navigating this line between legal compliance and compassionate parenting can be draining.

Document what you see and hear—calmly and clearly. Note any recurring behavior or concerns. If needed, speak with a family mediator or legal professional about ways to adjust visitation schedules in a way that centers the child’s well-being—whether that means shorter visits, more flexibility, or parallel parenting.

Meanwhile, do your best to minimize tension related to schoolwork and routines. If your child is already emotionally stressed, homework battles or inconsistent support across homes can make things worse. Consider collaborative tools and support that ease educational transitions.

Hope Lives in Small Adjustments

It might not happen overnight, and it may take more energy than you think you have today. But children are incredibly resilient, especially when the adults around them respond with calm, connection, and intention.

Maybe that means rethinking how your child reviews lessons so transitions don’t interrupt their learning flow. Maybe it means journaling with your child about highlights from their time with Dad, helping them shape a narrative of safety and empowerment. Or maybe it’ll mean simply sitting on the rug together Friday evening, holding them close until their tears settle.

There’s no perfect script for parenting after divorce. But if your child is refusing to visit their other parent, your love and attention are already what they need most. Don’t underestimate the power of showing up with openness, over and over—and when needed, calling in guidance from professionals, co-parents, or tools designed to support your child’s well-being.

As you support your child through this, remember: you’re not navigating this alone.