My Child Is Unhappy at School – How Can I Help?

When school becomes a daily struggle

As parents, we dream of our children enjoying school — making friends, discovering new ideas, feeling proud of their accomplishments. So when your child comes home with slumped shoulders, tears in their eyes, or a constant “I hate school,” it can be heartbreaking. And exhausting. You’re left wondering: What’s going wrong? Is it the teacher? The workload? Social challenges? Or something deeper?

If this is your daily reality, know that you’re not alone. Millions of parents face this invisible battle. And while there are no quick fixes, there is a path forward — one filled with empathy, curiosity, and patient experimentation. Let’s explore it together.

Start by listening beneath the surface

Unhappiness at school rarely starts overnight. It can build gradually — perhaps after a friendship falls apart, a teacher seems too harsh, or the schoolwork loses meaning. Your first step as a parent is not to fix, but to understand.

Children don’t always have the language to explain what’s wrong. They may say “school is boring” when they actually feel lost in math. Or “I don’t like my teacher” when they’re struggling with perfectionism. You can gently open the door by noticing patterns and asking neutral, open-ended questions like:

• “I’ve noticed you seem tired after school lately. What’s the hardest part of your day?”
• “If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?”
• “What feels unfair or confusing at school right now?”

If your child resists talking, don’t panic. Many do. In this case, this article offers helpful guidance on how to navigate conversations without pressure.

Dig into what “unhappy” really means

"Unhappy at school" is a broad brush. Is your child chronically anxious? Bored? Socially excluded? Struggling with learning? Naming the feeling can offer clues to the right support. Here are some possibilities to consider:

• Academic frustration: Does your child seem lost during homework? Avoidant of certain subjects? They might be falling behind or struggling with a learning difficulty. Here are some tools that support academic success when learning feels hard.
• Social loneliness: A child who eats alone at lunch or feels excluded at recess may carry heavy emotional weight. Connection matters as much as curriculum at this age.
• Anxiety or perfectionism: Some kids appear disengaged, but are secretly overwhelmed by pressure to perform. If anxiety’s involved, this guide to easing school-related anxiety might help.

Resist the urge to solve too quickly

It’s tempting to schedule meetings, call the teacher, or craft a color-coded homework chart the moment your child says they’re unhappy. But swift solutions can feel dismissive, even with the best intentions.

Instead of jumping into action mode, sit beside their feelings. Let your child know, "I believe you. I'm here. We’re going to figure this out together." Your calm presence, even more than your plans, is what they need most in this moment.

Find ways to reconnect joy with learning

When school becomes a source of dread, it’s easy for kids to forget that learning can be joyful. Your home is a powerful place to help reawaken that curiosity — outside the pressure of grades or rules.

For example, if your child loves stories, try turning a dreaded history chapter into a creative retelling. One parent shared how her son, who struggles with reading, lights up when they use audiobook versions of his textbooks on car rides. Personalized audio tools — especially those that cast your child as the hero — can reignite engagement in surprising ways. Some educational apps, like Skuli, even transform lessons into narrated adventures using your child's own name, adding a sense of ownership and fun that traditional schoolwork often lacks.

If your child thrives through movement or imagination, learning through play may be a powerful way to shift the tone without sacrificing progress.

When self-esteem is low, school feels unbearable

Behind many school struggles lies a deeper question: “Am I good enough?” If a child believes they’re a bad student or that everyone else finds it easy, school quickly becomes more about survival than growth. This article explores how fragile self-confidence can cause kids to turn their backs on learning — and what to do about it.

Often, children just need more chances to experience success in ways that are meaningful to them. That could mean revisiting a lesson with a custom quiz that turns difficult content into bite-sized, doable steps. Or it could mean celebrating effort over results (“I saw how long you stuck with that worksheet — that was brave.”)

When to involve the school

You're not failing your child if you ask for help. Teachers, counselors, and support staff can offer insights into classroom behavior, academic progress, and social dynamics that you might not see at home. Don’t wait until things reach crisis mode — many schools have accommodations or resources that only become visible once parents speak up.

A gentle approach might be: “We’ve noticed Alex seems really drained by school lately. We’re not pointing fingers, just trying to understand and see how we can collaborate.”

Hope lives in small, steady steps

It’s easy to feel defeated when your child is struggling. But change doesn’t require full transformation overnight. It happens through small shifts — one more honest conversation, one positive experience with learning, one adult who believes in them.

You are already that adult. Keep showing up. Keep trying. Even when your child resists help, your love is building the bridge they’ll eventually walk across.